Birthday

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Let me get this straight. I get too emotional when people remember my birthday. I always try my best to say thank you with a smile but deep inside, my heart is having happy tears.

I'm not a popular person for everyone to remember so I really really appreciate and I feel special somehow when people out of nowhere will greet me 'Happy Birthday' (yes even though you're my "friend" way back to my teenage days, I still appreciate you). My birthdate is not visible on facebook because I think its stupid that people just greet you because there's a reminder on their news feed then your friend list will all greet you 'Happy Birthday'. Duh, my ex-"best friend" doesn't even greet me on my birthday. Haha

I'm happy really but I'm just missing my dad so bad. I don't know how long I'm holding this tears but I just need to let it out now. I remember there was this day when he lay beside me and greeted me when I woke up.

Every year was surely a roller coaster ride but this one was different. There were days that I feel buried defeated by certain people and I don't know where to hold on so that I can keep my head up high so I will not sink in. I do know how to forgive people but I can't accept their bullshits just for them to ruin someone and for them to be good to the people around. My 2nd tattoo is not that perfect but it saved me from the days I feel buried.

Sometimes, I even doubted people around me. I don't know if I should continue to trust them or not. I posted a lot of rant this year and I feel relieved in some ways.    

I can say I changed over the years and people might not see that but at least I know and I'm aware. I don't care if you are not open to changes. IDGAF

Enough. 

My birthday feels like new year since I gained another year of existence with a lot of emotions and stuff and 23 was mostly fucked up but as every birthday, I always look up to the brighter side of things and hope that things will be more good for the coming year.

I want to thank people who are still believing and trusting me with certain things and stuff.

Thank you to the people who will never forget to greet me even without that birthday reminder on their news feed on facebook.

Happy Birthday to my birthmates Nikka, Michael, Hayley Williams from Paramore, and to you if we are celebrating our birthday together :)

Thank you to everyone who greeted me whether they saw a common friend greeted me or they just really know. HAHA Thank you!

I just stayed at home with my bed and mom because I'm not feeling well. On my birthday, is it just so great? Haha.

And while watching the news earlier, sorry if you lost someone today.  

"Be at your very best to be the very best" - Dada Alvi