Eight - Nine - Ten

I hate August at some point of my life but I'll make sure that it will not happen for the rest of my life. Maybe because it just making me anxious ever since the month began. Most especially that it was my dad's 5th death anniversary during the 10th of this month. I just don't know what to feel and if I'm feeling the right thing. So weird. Because who would have thought that I will be surviving life without my real life hero.

I miss you everyday, Daddy

To be honest, I was anxious for days before the 10th but now it's been a week and I'm fine already. Beside my birthday I also realized that August 10 is also my Fragile Day. Everything that happened 5 years ago played in my head that it seems just like yesterday but it's been 5 years. I'm not sure how will I feel when it become 10, 15 or 20 years if I will still feel the same or not anymore but I just really hate the feeling of missing my dad so much.

Enough on my drama side let's go to the sensitive and weirdest side. Lol

Let's talk about 5 years ago again. Haha. But seriously, I will never forget August 9, 2011 because that was the last time I had a moment with my dad. Long story short he distracted me from whatever I was doing on my laptop because mom is falling asleep on the chair he was asking me to call the attention of mom so she can sleep but she refuse probably because she was still waiting probably for her favorite Korean teleserye. Yeah that's all I can remember.

Ever since I really wanted to have a tattoo that will be related to August 9 and 10 but the wounds that the 10th left in me will be forever here in me even it's not visible.

I was also battling with some sh*ts again for the past few weeks and I know the only thing that will keep me sane and can bring me back to reality is to feel some pain again.

August 7 - Something snapped in me, I felt being played up and sabotage at the same time and I know that's my sign to contact someone so she can at least cross out some on my tattoo list. It took me a while to do this move because I know that if I contacted her I will be scheduled for the coming days. Instead of drowning myself with anger and hate that day, I messaged Regine asking for schedule. She replied fast. Haha. Yep that's easy to schedule my tattoo appointment (but of course you can be a walk-in on any tattoo shop). She asked me about Tuesday and after seeing the date on the calendar, I said okay.

August 9, I badly want to have a remembrance with you and being asked if I'm free on Tuesday, August 9, 2016 I said yes without a hitch.

I should've told mom prior to Tuesday but I can't find the perfect timing until Tuesday noon where I was scheduled for 1pm. Of course she get mad telling me not to do it anymore, asking me why do I get tattoos, blah blah blah. I know she doesn't understand why and I'm not going to force her to understand just like gazillion people who are not huge fan of tattoos.

I still went because I want it to happen and I want to get the tattoos that has been thought for so long.

my 6th and 7th tattoo

I can't say what the two lines means if you ask me but I got the idea of it from Samii Ryan she got the same tattoo and she said it represents her sisters. I got the idea that it can also be for my brother and sister. I can't think of something significant to represent them individually (well I can but some of their favorites might not be their favorite after years) so I went with this. No regrets.

I've witnessed different siblings relationship and I can say some are good some are bad but no matter what at the end of the day he/she is still your brother/sister. This means that even the three of us are different from each other, no matter what happened my brother will still and forever be my brother and same with my sister. They're part of me forever and that's my reason to my two lines. I know it's very simple, very boring for some but I'm really happy with it.

Before I told myself that I will keep my left upper extremities and right lower extremities free of tattoo and with these new tattoo I ate my words. Haha, One more reason why the lines are on the left is that because my brother's tattoo is on his left arm and my sister is a left-handed.

If you ask me for the meaning of it I'll just say it means "the struggle is real". Haha.

Cliché tattoo but the cross, I love it. Yep another Hayley Williams inspiration that I agree to what she said before that "her faith is the only thing that never fails her". Some people get bible verses but to be honest, I don't memories a lot of them and one verse can't do justice to represent my faith so instead of choosing one verse I decided to get the cross which is everything.

The intoxicating experience is a bonus to let the human being in me know that I'm still alive despite of all the things that are happening around me.

I know mom together with some people around sometimes can't understand why I'm keep on getting inked but I'm happy with it and I don't get tattooed for nothing. I may not opened up the reason behind every tattoo when you ask me but it's all out in here. Sorry mom, I'm not stopping anytime soon and I haven't got anything for you yet!

Some do it just for show but not me.

 Tattoos are the best accessories that I owned and I can bring all of them anytime, anywhere.