Random . 2022

I never really thought of looking back for the whole year until now prior on typing this. 

Thinking of what happened early this year. 

I’m being speechless and amazed how this year we were able to go back to normalcy but still with some restriction. 

There was really no major happening early this year but campaign season for the national election. 

• UAAP S84 happened during summer and we were able to finally watched live again mostly in MOA.
• Pasay rally for the Leni-Kiko campaign after watching a late night UAAP game 
• Lhea was able to finally go home again here 
• Huhu. I was able to travel again to Palawan and somewhat be off from my own real world. I still do daydream about that El Nido trip definitely one of the best.
• I was able to see some college friends and did a museum hopping in Manila
• I received a bouquet of sunflowers as a peace offering and that’s what I wanted it to be called. 
• I keep on reading books and I was able to do 10 this year. 
• First ever concert again and it was the Happier Than Ever Tour of Billie Eilish
• Second concert - I was able to see The Maine again and I was able to meet them up close but I don’t know where to see those photos (hello, pulp!) 
• Paramore released This is Why and the new album will be out by next year! 
• UAAP S85 happened and probably the worst season for us after so long
• Maximized weekend of October because Kit is set to leave late that month
• Made a closure tattoo for October aka my 2022 tattoo session
• Third concert for this year, LANY!!!! 
• I realized that there are just few drink at Starbucks that are caffeine free 
• Saw Cheats for the first time and I was able to finally meet Saab in person. It was quick but still 
• Paramore released The News 
• We lost a few people 
• Finally had a coffee date with Nikka, Jesse and Jaden 

Wow that was a lot and my anxiety is getting worst. Lol 

There are still a lot of things to processed from all the happening for this year, a part of me is still in March 2020 and feels like the other part of me is just traveling to the future. 

Restarting on 2023 even though that the future is scary and fear of the unknown exist on my self. 

There are a lot of realizations as well but as of the moment, I don’t know how to write it all down yet. I do keep a digital diary as well where I tell it all but to blurred some of it just to publish it online, I don’t think I will get there anytime. I promise myself that I will still continue to write it all down just to let it all out and “expression is survival!”

Happy New Year! 

Random . December 2022

12.01 - 2 years free from wearing eye glasses. 

Finally I was able to do a peaceful yoga 

I’m not that prepared to be lining up on the bank for hours today. 

Done with #Wednesday 

When there’s pressure everywhere and you thought that everything your doing is not as good, there will always be something to prove that you’re wrong. 

Can’t thank some people enough but so good to see the kindness that they passed on

Podium - Megamall - Trinoma - Cubao 12.03.2022 

Didn’t even plan to go to Trinoma but also I don’t want to go home yet. Lets maximize being outside and see one of my favorite local band for the first time. 

First time on seeing Saab and I’m thankful for the mask for hiding my kilig and anxious self 

Front row at a Cheats gig. Lol 

My sister is officially back home. 

My adventure yesterday might be my last for this year. It is very exhausting out there. Lol

“Don’t meet your heroes they all fucking weirdos”. - Halsey

Thank you so much, Jojo. 12.04.2022 

Adamson!!!!! #FinalFour #UAAP 

I can’t sleep. Pending works are haunting me. 

Now I know why I’m having a hard time sleeping last night. #21

One down but lets make it two this week. 

Is this the feeling when they say “I have nothing to lose”. 12.05.2022 

Feeling so numb from everything. 

Took 2 mela last night and I feel good today. 12.06.2022

Not sure if I’ll be pissed or feel good about it. #21 12.06.2022 

You maybe planned months for such then when truth hits you, you cannot accept it. Wtf! 

Headache these days sometimes are because of screen time. Don’t watch too much k-drama and stop blaming other people. 

For now, you make noise by after the adjustment period, there will be more democracy for them.

There are certain things in life that will never be favorable on our side and I think you should know that especially now that you are bragging about your age. 

Missed the Final Four games today. Huhu. Hopefully I will not miss the Finals Game 1. Yay. Battle of Katipunan!!! #UPFight!!!! 

“Para maging happy naman sila :)” 

I want to finish everything that I need to do right now but first, sleep. 

Super busy that I can’t keep up on socials. 

My routine the past week is so messed up and it will take some time to be back on my usual. 

Busy all week and it is just start. 

That 4 points difference. #UAACDC2022

Why not just be thankful that it still came. 

I can’t even process my own shits. Why would I read your rant. You finally show your true colors which I’ve been blinded before, now I know. 

I’ve decided to give most of today to myself before another busy week. 

I understand the frustration but I also reminded myself that I have nothing good to say, I rather shut up. 

Game 1 for UP!!! 

Surprise killer. That’s why you shouldn’t be trusted. 

I don’t think I will be able to read one more book before this year ends 

Lazy Monday morning 

Then I realized you are part of the problem. 

When I forgot that “latte” have coffee then realized it hours after finishing that free drink.

Busy day done, on to the next batch of work load 

How to get this caffeine out of my system. 

I was supposed to meet Gem today but I guess we’ll see each other next year. 11.14.2022

When life is unfair, you have to do some things to at least feel it is fair. Even it might never be. 

When will you ever do something voluntarily. 

I guess no rest day for today. 

Empty on a Sunday, YAY less day to waste 2 hours on a Monday. 

The line that separates the entitled from reality. Clearly a one sided story and for sure they are not open for negotiation.

Most people work hard as well maybe much harder than you but why isn’t on the same level? Life is just so unfair, I guess. 

If I’m lousy and not thinking of my baggage, I’m leaving immediately. 

I guess, I’m still not used to this and probably will never be. 

Will I be able to get this birthday gift? Hmm. / Got it!! Huhu. Happy birthday, self. 

If you think that I will be all good just because of Christmas Eve, you are wrong. Making jokes about something is not always fun. This is the last time that I will at least try. Sorry but not sorry. Good thing that other people was able to enjoy, like and appreciate. 

Merry Christmas! 

Sick and tired with your commentary which are mostly unnecessary. 

I don’t know why but I just mostly ate salad during Christmas eve and on Christmas day. Love my greens and just like that Christmas is over. 

Avoiding socials on this holiday season.

Decided to finally watch the first Avatar movie after so long. Happy Birthday, self. 

An email woke me up that my Amazon order have a shipping fee when it says on my prior order form that it was a free shipping. Wtf. Haha but I hope it will be reimbursed. 

Can’t even open messages yet because I have to act like it is a normal day on my daily routine. Work out first before sending my thank you’s to a few. 

I’m having an anxiety attack just because of the new group chat that was created and I just saw it through email. 

Dinner with the fam. Thank you sis for the cake. 

Whiners. 

Almost done for today. 

At SM today and if it’s not because of meeting Nikka, I will not dare to be in here at this time because there are too much people. 

So good to catch up with Nikka after not seeing for a year and so.

What weekend and last day of the year. 

Just like that, December is over and here we are minutes away from 2023. 

Happy New Year! 

Me Time

December 3 2022 

Due to some unfortunate events I have to cancel some of my scheduled date with Gem. Also need to reschedule my 2nd year check up at American Eye. 

I was able to visit the new clinic at Podium when we surprised Kitpol in October. 

Yay. Two years free from glasses. Can you believe that. I still can’t sometimes. 

I don’t want to go out actual on a weekend but Dr. Sy isn’t available so I have no choice but to grab December 3rd before everything goes crazy this month. 

I really don’t plan much that I just want to eat at Yabu or have some BLK513. 

The day before I received Saab’s newsletter and she said that they will be in Trinoma on Saturday. Hmm. Makes me think of going to Trinoma but until last minute I was undecided. 

My check up was good. It really boils down to resting and less screen time as much as possible. I had .5 astigmatism but she said it is okay for the future. I don’t know why. 

If you still have no idea on where to spend your bonus and you are wearing glasses for years, please do still consider lasik and go to American Eye in Podium. 

After Podium, went back to Megamall where there are a lot of people that I don't know where they all come from. I can’t even eat properly because all restaurants are full. I was able to find a table at Auntie Anne’s then there was a work call good thing I just need to just check something online. Visited a store after eating then Megamall exhausted me so much that I decided to go to Trinoma. 

Just took the MRT to Trinoma, easy peasy. I was able to score a table at Tokyo Tokyo and finally had my late lunch. Decided to go around end up at Handyman and True Value and shopped for dog treats. Lol

Waited until 6pm so I can enter the barricaded area. I have no energy anymore so I went there and the guard said to sit in front. Who am I to reject that on my free Cheats gig though it was awkward at first because I somehow know this people much and they feel like my best friends but it was just my first time seeing them. Haha 

Believe it or not after all these years, it was also my first time to see Saab! Haha 

It was my first Cheats gig and hopefully not the last. 

On Repeat . The News

 

On Repeat . houseplants

On Repeat . I'm a Mess

 

On Repeat . Box In A Heart

 

Random . November 2022

Down time. As much as I know how busy this week is, today is rest day and day to spend at the cemetery. 

What if the stress reliever doesn’t work anymore. 

Send me all your stress that I will be the one breaking down even you don’t have any idea. 

Fan of the PBA but you still don’t know how it works. 

So much to write so little time. 

3 games of basketball and hangout with my dude at home court. 

Happy Birthday, Daddy. 11.06.2022

Can it be a wrong decision if that means you helped someone? #21

The pressure around me it’s getting high will I be able to survive this shithole. 

My responsibilities and sacrifices it’s a lot but don’t ask me about it. 

My sacrifices that doesn’t matter to anybody. 

Wrong calculation of time. 

Happy Birthday, sissy. 11.07.2022 

That can’t be the last episode of #Manifest 

We came to the point where I need to be reminded by an app of all the things that I should do. 

If only you know how I envy other people just because it seems to work to you so well. 

Errands. 

Why am I having anxiety walking around town. 11/10/2022 

MOA today for LANY!!! 11/11 

I’ve been to MOA once in a while since April but it’s just my first time to ever enter IKEA in here. Love it. 

That perfume by Billie smells so good. 

LANY. 11/11 as another closure. 

Tons of things to do this weekend. Coffee date with cousins later! 

I had a break last Friday and then there’s a lot of work load. So much to do so little time. Stressed but thankful. 

Expect delays but I’m trying to catch up. 

I can’t even do the little things anymore so be patient with me. 

Dumped some photos on my ig as a “proof of life”. 

So lazy to workout today 

Raining at night and I’m just hoping that it will not rain later in the afternoon because I will be running some errands. 

Delayed some errands to today so hopefully, it will not rain. 

I was trying my very best when I’m just in town not to give in to my cravings even they are just few steps away. When I was out with Gem last Nov 5, I couldn’t even dig in to my cravings as well. I knew I shouldn’t control much when I’m craving food so here I am weeks later pigging out much every other day. It’s bad I know so now even with a little craving I give in and I will try to control it the next days. Lol but maybe it is stress eating again. 

When your phone passcode is just a bunch of zeros. Lol 

Dogs are being clingy. 

The time of the year where I ask the universe if I will survive the rest of the year. 

Disney+

I’m trying to process a lot of things right now that I can’t even leave the house. 

Due to the current situation I think everyone will understand the delay. If you will not then wtf! 

I can’t even decide with this matter. Ughh. 

Excruciating time. 

Hello and Bye, Manila! 11.21.2022

My airpods gave up. 

Everyone seems to move on and catch up with reality and here I am somehow still stuck to 2020. 

Asking myself on what should I do when literally I’m already doing what I can. 

Tito Ramon . 11.22.2022

Happy Fiesta, Angono!

Errands 

Ughh fck this stomach ache

The cycle of life. It is either you repeat it or break it. 

I believe that they understand that I have to go on just because this world doesn’t and will never stop for anything. 

Busy day. Can’t believe we are just few days away from December. 

That is one reason why I don’t ask too many favors from other people.

#TheWalkingDead marathon 

Still trying to process all of the things that happened the past months and I can’t help but cry with the season finale of #TheWalkingDead 

One day that I will be able to process everything, the day that I will cry like a baby. 

Jojo . 11.29.2022

What an unforgettable month

Still hoping for a good year-end. 

LANY - a november to remember 2022

November 11 2022 

 

It was around May when the Asia tour dates was announced and as I don’t want to regret not attending a LANY show again just like what happened when they did 2 nights in 2018 and 3 nights in 2019, I knew that I will go on this one even just for one night. I regret not going to those shows during lockdown.   

3 nights was the original schedule as they close the tour but then due to the demand they added 2 more nights in Manila.

I chose November 11, Friday as I thought that it perfectly fit on my schedule. Little did I know that I will be super busy catching up on work load the rest of the weekend. 

The day before November 11, tickets are on sale again after announcing that the 5 nights are sold out. I was tempted to buy another ticket probably for the last night but I decided not to do it. It was a conflict on my schedule too.

I arrived at MOA by 3pm and I just decided to roam around IKEA since to all the times I watched a UAAP game and even that Billie Eilish concert, I never been inside IKEA. It was a success visit since there are few people than the usual weekend crowd. 

Upon going to MOA Arena, I was surprised that still at 7pm there are people still lining up outside knowing that the show will probably start by 8pm. Everything started a little bit late than usual, I think the soundcheck started late because when we were inside MOA Arena the doors to the arena itself was still closed. I decided to eat dinner first then waited a little more after before they let people inside. 

I knew that they will start by 9pm but they started almost at 915pm.

~ 

I researched on what is the setlist which I usually do when I go to concert. One reason is that I don’t want to heartbroken if I don’t hear my personal favorites live just because it is not really included ever since. After knowing the setlist, I will make it as a playlist to play it days before the show. 

Thanks to the now changing wallpaper of iPhone, I made the setlist as a wallpaper that night so I know what will be the next song and if I wanted to take a video of that. 

The show was okay and the crowd is just okay too. Lol 

I became a fan of LANY because M sent me that ILYSB live in LA years ago and I was instantly a fan since. One huge reason is that when I know that the artist can sing so good for live, acoustic and for LANY it was always the stripped version, I knew that they are that good and the original or the released are good as well. I’m aware of the attention that was given to them since then and I will say that they really do deserve all the attention that they are getting now.

I’m just not a fan that will spend another night to see them and be that kind of tired traveling back and forth to MOA once again. Unless someone will treat me for that last night who am I to turn it down. Lol 

Though my dream show of LANY will be a stripped version of their songs (which happened tonight at the vivo event .. huhu). I don’t care of I will just cry while listening to those stripped version of their songs. They did that too at The Wiltern when they had an online concert via Veeps last May 2021. 

~ 

I’m aware that there are different kind of fans, I’ve been to tons of concert for my life and this time I was seated on a wrong side of the arena. I regret not going to patron but I guess that kind of fan are everywhere that night. That fan who just know specific songs mostly the recent released and just the popular ones. Not much fan who really danced all through out. Some are just there to be serenaded when their partner is seated beside them. How come they spend much on ticket when they are just going to act like that they are just watching a movie. 

I know. I know but please be at the moment and enjoy the show.

Overall, I always do enjoyed even when I’m just alone watching concerts. 

It was worth it to see LANY and if even they will be visiting your cities and if you are a fan, just see them live. This will be published probably a week after their last show here in Manila but I hope that if you really wanted to do it then just see them even you are deciding at the very last minute. 

So happy and proud of how far they come since then. 

Hope that they will never change. 

~ 

I never know that I will have tears during Malibu Nights but when Paul forgot the lyrics, I laughed a little! Malibu Nights made me cried buckets in 2018.

I want to experienced a stripped version of most songs especially ILYSB but somehow ending a night with the upbeat version of it makes me realize that we are either still on that happy relationship, maybe you are broke up with the last one and you are already in your new one, maybe we already moved on from the last or even we are still on the process of moving on. 

There was this viral post before this concert who was selling one more ticket or both just because they broke up with their partner and didn’t make it to the day of the concert. That’s sad of course but you can still enjoy a concert alone by dancing or singing your heart out and even cry but I understand if it still fresh from a breakup. We all have our own coping mechanism anyway.   

Though whatever is the status of your relationship where you can relate to a LANY song, you can still enjoy these songs and be at the moment celebrating the happy, sad and whatever feeling you had for the moment live with the band. It was all about music at the first place anyway. 

That night was somehow a huge move for me too because I knew that I’m past a certain level of moving on, maybe a closure to a chapter.

LANY / Les, Jake and Paul Jason Klein makes us fall in love and somehow desire for a perfect relationship and that deserve to be celebrated on a LANY show whether you are happy, sad or even broken hearted lets just dance with those feelings.  

On Repeat . Mean It

 

On Repeat . Congrats

LANY - Congrats

UAAP S85 . 4-6

 November 5 2022

First ball game without the bro. Huhu

We miss you Kitpol! 

12 hours different for him and 7 hours advance for Lhea. 

I still keep them updated. 

So, I was late due to some road repairs along the way Gem was so lucky to score some good seats when he bought at Araneta. I almost regret not getting the tickets online but thankful we somehow saved 100 for that online fee. 

I think I arrived during the 3rd Q of the 11am game. 

So good to watch almost 4 games in a day but 3 is enough. Lol 

We lost again that day and we could’ve won that but we fell short and just after the game that Lj Gonzales didn’t play. I know that the rest of our games are very hard to win and the 11 days break can be a good or bad one. 

Oh yes, after posting that 0-5 standing we win 4 games straight and lost this one. 

It’s just so good to watch a basketball game and not to think about the outside shit. 

~

We got a picture with Coach Nash!!!!!! YAY! #cloud9

When we saw Coach Nash without Gem last time in MOA, I didn’t promise her but I said we will try to have an updated picture with Coach. Knowing that there will be 4 games that day, I was hopeful to finally meet Coach again and we did!!! 

~

Since we don’t have Manong Jun aka Kitpol, we just hang around Araneta. Ate at Seafood Island and stayed at Starbucks. Just slightly updating each other about life. 

After that we decided to walk around before heading home. 

Definitely felt the absence of Kit but nothing compares to spending a day with my dude. 

Closure

 October 28 2022.

Booked my appointment October 23rd because I’ve been longing to have a tattoo for a while now. I’ve been hanging out with friends the past weekends that’s why I can’t schedule it much early last month. 

Booked the 28th just because it’s the last Friday, it was a long weekend, looks perfect to end October and maybe a closure on something. 

Originally I have couple of things that I really wanted to get. As my tattoo artist asked what it will be I just sent “happier than ever” text and the sunflower. Surprisingly I hesitated one of the original planned tattoo. I doubted and thought that at some point it doesn’t make sense anymore as I close one chapter of my life. 

I don’t want to regret it if I pushed it so for now I’m putting it on hold or maybe I will never get it anymore. 

One reason why I get tattoos is that when I need to be reminded that I’m still alive and feeling pain. You might not get it but yup it is so much deeper than what you think. 

~ 

I was doing last minute errands before the long weekend that day and I keep on reminding myself that I have a tattoo appointment by 7pm. It was raining that afternoon too but luckily it stopped that night or else I’ll cancel that session. 

I also wanted to get my 2022 tattoo, I’ll be busy towards the end of this year that I might not make it so I make it happen early or else 2022 might be skipped. October is also a month that hasn’t been good to me for the past year I just want to end this as a good one. 

~

The tattoos;

“Happier Than Ever” - by Billie Eilish, an album and a song. This album has been saving me from certain situations since it was release last year. I love love the album so much and the song of course. I was able to witness HTE tour (August 13 2022) where it was my first concert after years and had the worst PCD ever. Pour my heart out while singing along that night. 

I decided on the title since I can’t think of any symbol that can represent the album. I was also thinking of the name “Billie Eilish” but for now that’s too much. 

Now I can move on from my PCD and listen to other artist but from time to time I caught myself singing a song from the album. Lol 

Sunflower - I’m mesmerized by sunflower ever since I first saw one. It made on my tattoo list just to represent someone I never met. It finally made to the top list when M surprised me a bouquet with 3 sunflowers on it out of nowhere last July 14 (considered that as a peace offering). 

Tears in my eyes when it was being done. I got too emotional remembering how he surprised me that I was caught off guard that time. I wish everything went well. 

After it was done JT asked me if I want to add some shading on my baby cupcake, I don’t want to ruin or make much edit on the original sketch but I agreed on just the base of it. He making an edit to cupcake reminded me the meaning of the upper part of it. Putting light shades to the base makes me think that it was the struggles and challenges for the past years. Haay. I might spoil too much personal stuff. I need to stop. 

After it was done JT mentioned how there are still ink and that’s when it crossed my mind to add a little pencil. I let him decide on the placement of it. I still have small random things on my list but I’ll save that for another day. 

Pencil - started writing poems and love letters ever since 2016. I don’t usually use a pencil writing those letters but he loves to sketch. I can’t live without pencil at work too and I use them as long as I can hold it’s size. Makes me remember my dad as well. By the time he was doing it I was smiling because the pencil is so cute. 

Reminding myself to never stop writing whatever I want. 

Reminding me to always give justice to my other reminder “expression is survival”. 

~

I’ve been struggling the past days but I’m still going. Making things work even it somehow breaks me from time to time. I have to move because I know this world will leave me if I do nothing. 

I still make time for myself just to escape for a little while. Even though it makes me hate times where I feel like that my own feelings and issues shouldn’t be a priority as I have to put other people first. It feels like I don’t have any other choice. Sacrifices that I make that nobody cares.  

Sore to your eyes or not, judge me for wearing my heart on my sleeves.