Radio

My free Apple Music subscription ended and I really no plan on renewing it. Then I just re-discovered the Radio tab on Music app and there are local and international stations and I’m now listening to radio again after years. 

I don’t know how long this will last but so far so good

I do post some of the music that I’ve been listening on certain times but I’m currently out of album to listen to. I’m not sure what I want to listen that’s why easy access to a radio station was a relief. 

My problem so far is that I’m expecting a familiar song to play on. Haha 

One reason why I stopped listening to radio is that they play songs that I don’t really like or I was just in a wrong radio station. 

There are only certain time of the day that I play the radio though since I still like playing my own choice of music. 

Radio is surprising me with some good music. Speaking of surprises, I did discovered the new released song by Billie Eilish on BBC Radio 1 while I was tuning in. Don’t ask me why I like international radio. Lol 

Keeping music in the background that I don’t personally choose is also good when I was doing something most especially when I want to write some personal stuff. 

It also makes me updated now with the new releases internationally. At the same time reminiscing some early 2000’s. 

I mostly tuned in getting ready in the morning or at night so I can avoid watching TV or watching too much Youtube videos. 

The other day, I accidentally commanded Alexa to play the radio and I just discovered that feature of the Echo Dot! Happy accident, I guess. 

 

A Change of Perspective

 

I always want to chase the sunset if I can unfortunately I’m doing work stuff during those hours. I’m satisfied if I got a glimpsed of a sunset sky if I'm lucky which are very minimal. That was during pre-pandemic what more right now.

Sky is my thing, I love seeing fluffy clouds with different shape & sizes from time to time. 

Honestly, there is a way to do it even I'm just here at home but sometimes you really got to go somewhere higher to appreciate it more. it will also be a little escape or breather for a day or maybe for the whole week but in my case, it was a breather for almost two years even it was just for 3 hours. 

Staring at this open sky, being above of almost everyone else, being able to breathe some fresh air with mask or sometimes without is so refreshing. 

I somehow wanted to cry. 

I miss being free. 

Those times when you don't have to worry too much. 

I remember specifically when I felt the same emotion. I was roaming around Marina Bay Sands in Singapore with friends staring at the buildings and when we are on our way back to Santa Fe from Carabao Island in Romblon during sunrise. 

It was unbelievable. 

Those moments were so relaxing. That feeling when you know that even everything is currently so fucked up, you know that everything will eventually be okay.

It was so hard to find the light feeling of our current reality. We know at some point that we will be okay, that everything will eventually be okay even we don't know what will happen on the next hours. 

Being able to escape for a few hours was a need even I thought for a moment that I shouldn't leave.

It was a moment of silence in my head.

It was liberating for the time being.

It was an escape

I know how busy life is down there but we were somewhere higher and it feels like a different world. There was someway of freedom. 

Not sure how everyone is doing in this pandemic most especially if you are living in this country where it feels like we are being left behind by thousands of steps. 

It’s hard to plan things out these days but there are certain things I look forward to. 

I look forward to the day that I might be back in this place or any other place where I can watch the sunset freely without thinking too much things; Random surprises from M are one of them. 

But on a daily basis of this current reality a stressed free weekend are somewhat okay as long as I can get some more sleep than usual.  

Hopefully we can go back on planning things out, when we can finally hangout with friends again, be freely breath without a mask (but personally mask are more welcome to stay than face shield). 

Still, I'm thankful for a lot of things.

 

Sunset

 I don't usually have time to watch or observe the sunset but when I do, I do take pictures.

Sunsets are my jam and I usually missed it because of work but no regrets it's just I'm jealous of people who have photos to post or just to look back or maybe just there on their phone gallery.

It makes me feel good to witness a beautiful cloud formation what more an orange sky or a pink one during sunsets

I miss the beach and just looking out there where the sky meets the sea and there's nothing else in between.

One reason why I ask for sunset photos or even just the sky of different places or just wherever you are. For now that I can't travel. That somehow I wish that I can go to MOA to catch one.

Ahhh.... My love for the sky.

A Different Vibe

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A post shared by Aivrin Villamayor (@aeivryn) on Sep 18, 2020 at 8:51am PDT

My heart is so satisfied. 

My last post was about missing a lot of things for me being so exhausted at home town. 

I was able to be back at home court and it feel so good. 

Not gonna lie but as it was so satisfying, you can’t deny that something was missing as well. 

Just being there and breathing that Cubao air and as OA as it is, I felt a hug when I went down the car. 

I’m home. 

I feel like crying but I was smiling from ear to ear under my face mask and face shield. 

Typical weekend at home court is a busy one, people just passing by to get home or to that fast food chain to hang out with friends. Some meet for that road trip to the north for a weekend in Baguio or La Union. Usually at this time of the year, there are people having dinner or drinks wearing their university shirt who just watched a very intense game of UAAP. Sometimes there are concerts. 

That Starbucks on Green Gate will be so full of people. KFC, Bonchon and Mcdo doesn’t have any seats available as it is so full as well. 

Where me and my friends will be on the hunt of a place that have available table to eat. 

I miss that kind of weekend. 

Earlier it was the same place, same feeling but different vibe. 

It was so satisfying to be there once again but it feels like it was a Sunday morning or a very late 1am of a weekday as there are only few people. 

It was also the first time where I went to the mall and shop a little bit for some retail therapy and a little bit of grocery shopping as well that can’t be find here in SM. 

I’m tired but I’m happy and I feel so renewed. 

I also need another one soon but this will do for now. 

And I still miss that jeep trip. 

09.18.2020 01:14 

Missing

 

I’m so bummed that it is already ber-month and we are still like this. I can’t even remember how early of this year feels like or even just the normality. 

Early this “quarantine” I already accepted that we all needed some break from normalcy just to give some attention to what was usually taken for granted. It’s been months with no major changes, no concrete plans on how to handle such situation and as they are selfish as they are, I’m already lost in this kind of reality. 

I look back on what really happened in my last 6 months and starting to compare it if ever life went by with the life we’re used to. 

6 months and counting was and will still be somehow taken away from all of us. My plan for this year was, meet Lhea late March and have a nice La Union trip before she leave. Travel with Gem to another foreign country for the first time. Maybe I will finally do another solo trip. Watch concerts. Wait for new concerts in Manila or somewhere in Asia just to find a way to travel. Go back to Taiwan because I really love there. The rest of the time will be staying in before traveling again. Maybe I was able to visit extend family as well. Maybe accomplished my 2020 goal. 

What really happened, staying in for 6 months and maybe for the rest of the year, was able to spent time with family. Enjoying grocery trip, getting used on wearing mask and now face shield in public which I still find awkward but every one is required to. 

I miss impromptu meet up with friends. Staying in home court until midnight and enjoy the midnight jeep trip. 

I miss observing people in public places. 

I miss commuting. Jeep trip, bus and train rides. 

I miss going to MOA from hometown just to meet Gem. 

I wish we were able to meet up as soon as possible when Keith needed us. 

This is why I go out from hometown once in a while before. Staying in is also so exhausting at times. I’m a home buddy but if it’s too much I also want to explore somewhere then just go back at the end of the day. 

I never taken my city travel for granted that’s for sure. 

I never taking being at home for granted as well. 

It’s just that this pandemic and current reality is so exhausting. 

Though I’m thankful for this current time where we can talk on social media, still do virtual hang out with friends but of course we all know the difference. 

Some things are just unacceptable for the past months and I guess we just have to accept that. 

Few things I hate during this time are people who doesn’t have an inch on consideration in life. Before we don’t know if a person is going through something personal but compare to now, we are in a middle of pandemic with no concrete plans on what to do, people lost their jobs because of selfishness and most of us are adjusting with this kind of life. Survival it is and I get it you do your job to get paid and think of your family but there’s more beyond that. I’ve seen people who gives and I’ve seen people who are selfish. Some people ask for help but if you ever asked please don’t expect too much in return, we are all being affected by this. 

This is really life changing situation which can affect future growth and personal decisions. 

Never aware this kind of event happened before and now we are living in it and hopefully we will still survive this time. 

Hopeful to be able to travel again soon, not wearing of mask in public and face shield. 

I wish it was easy to have that lunch or dinner date. 

I miss the usual.

09.04.2020 / 02:09

Escape

As he is scheduled to go home to Bicol this weekend or any day soon I was just thinking that I miss some legit vacation. (He made it safely to Bicol, btw) 

As stress and anxiety are consuming me so much these days and with this pandemic and with all the  events that keep on happening I wish that I could go with him to escape. I miss going on a very quick vacation. As if I will choose a quick vacation this time. 

If I really do not think much and I’m so very careless lately, I will really escape. Everything is really too much to handle. I’m already exhausted. 

How can we able to do some quick vacation like we do weekend trips. Will it still possible? Right now, if you decide to travel you should have some papers that you can to travel from point a to b. I know it will not last that way but think of future travels. Will it be as easy or we need to have permits. 

I was watching earlier the video that I made during my first trip to Jakarta and I’m missing that kind of reality. 

Everything really changes in the way we act outside and unfortunately, some people still act the same. 

I know we can all just move on from all of this but can we also not forget that we literally just lost few months in our life. For some its not really too much that you can’t make it a big deal but really how can we keep up with time and day when we lost a few months of the usual normal? It will also take some time to really catch up with life in general. 

As I finish watching #TheLastDance it makes me miss basketball too. Watching live basketball game is an easy escape. 

Right now the only quick escape that I can do is go to the grocery to buy stuff and do some impulsive buy online. Really expensive than doing some quick escape. 

Missing a lot of things lately. 

I’m missing a lot of people too. 

Grocery Trip

In the past I'm ok for not leaving town for a while mostly to save money and if friends are busy what am I going to do out there right? Since we are locked down for the past couple of months, to be honest I'm missing the city.

The perks of living in a small town is quite okay during lock down since SM is just across the street, we can still go out of the house because village life.

I do grocery once a week and this is the only time we really did grocery to have stock of food. We usually don't do it since before we are mostly out and as I said, SM is just across the street we can go anytime when we need something but this time it was different. I was doing grocery and almost filling up a big cart. Usually after work for me to de-stress and for me to close my rings on my Apple Watch, I roam around SM at around 7pm to buy dinner or just look around, there are times that I will do quick grocery stop just to buy something and one last memory of before was I just hold what I buy just so I will not spend much. Recently, I just get what I see that may be needed or be useful at some point that is available because one day there's so much and the next day, there's already none.

Having some stock is not that bad to be honest. Some may call it hoarding but the way I do it, it's not just buy everything all at once. What I do is that every grocery trip, I buy milk since my sister is a milk monster I buy max of 10pcs (1L) of fresh milk then the next grocery trip if there's milk I get 4pcs (1L) and again on the next trip because sometimes there's no milk available. If you prefer a specific brand, you really have to stock up. On my personal stuff, for example on cotton buds, I buy 2 packs then if I open another pack I already list it as need to buy for the next grocery trip.

When someone saw my usual 3 each of shampoo and conditioner, she said it was much but it's handy if you already ran out of shampoo or conditioner and I don't like that and I use a specific brand that can be rarely find and very rare to be in stock at the grocery. Nearby SM doesn't even hold up so much unlike the other grocery or by SM Hypermarket.

Same with food, my sister will tell me that I once again bought a pack of crackers when we already have 10 packs at home but the dogs usually eat crackers 2-3 times a day so we really need that.

It's not hoarding if you are slowly filling your pantry but also don't abuse your stock.

One time my aunt ran out of specific brand of milk that she buy. I told her to buy more then next time she can buy 1-2 just to fill it up.

I once hoarded All Purpose Cream because it took weeks before it got stock up in the grocery and everyone is making something with All Purpose Cream. 

I recently hoarded Vanilla Extract since there were a lot at the grocery after months and the next day, they were none. 

Going out mostly means grocery trip and it still therapeutic even there are changes.

I also changed my SM trip, I don't usually go everyday if I can I still do once a week unless I need to go and buy some stuff and I do it now by 5pm because stores closes at 6pm but grocery is up to 7pm. Imagine that are my usual go to SM time but now they closes by that time. 

Missing the old times but I'm also loving this current reality we are in. I just hate that some people are still living like the usual when everything almost changed.

If you are not the one assigned doing your weekly grocery, I hope it is also therapeutic for you too. 

Keep safe! 

Out

The last time I was out of town was March 10, 2020. I was already hesitant to go out that day since the rumor of lock down is just around the corner and I don't want to cancel my appointment at the same time plus I also needed to be out there.

There are a bit changes already that time, there are few people on the mall and I was already cautious on my surrounding. I still decided to stay a little bit longer at Megamall even it was also exhausting being outside when you are all done with everything but I really needed that alone time in a public space.

Can't remember the last before that day when I spend time alone in a public place and just be with my thoughts and write. I'm missing home court already. Staying there late and be at some specific fast food or coffee shop. I miss MOA too!

I live outside the city but sometimes I also need to be in the city if I'm so exhausted in the small town life at the end of the day, I still go back in here.

It was also weird to see the empty street in the afternoon. Its not new to me but empty streets are just normal when I'm going home late.

Might still be a while before we get back to what was before now that we should be living with restrictions when we're out and to be more cautious on our surrounding.

But since we can't be on lock down forever, just be extra careful and if you really don't have business outside, just stay at home. I know it doesn't apply to everyone but be extra cautious trust no one. 

Do we really have to know everything?

Maybe 4 years ago, I will answer yes but in a span of those years, I proved that I don't need to. 

I do have the fear of missing out but I realize that I have to focus on what's in front of me, on what's my responsibilities are and not on the distractions around. When I get distracted obviously I will not be focused on what's needed to be done and that will cause me being very unproductive. 

How did I changed my mind? 

I was bullied in social media. 

Posts here and there, at first you will think who is this person talking about until you hit the clues. I don't want to read those post because I know the truth, thankful for my instinct I know which is which. 

I was going to block that account but first I have to see the profile for me to block that and the latest clues are pointing at me. It was my turn to be introduced to the public on who am I to this person and on how this person wanted people to see or know me. 

My heart crushed. I cried. I probably failed my dad. 

I don't know how will I get out of the house. Knowing that I was introduced that way. I was a bad person. I was a very disappointing daughter. 

I was blaming myself on everything. 

I hit rock bottom. 

Until today, it takes a lot of courage just to get out of bed and prove myself that those certain posts was not me. That I don't need to blame myself on everything and one thing is for sure, I didn't fail my dad. 

That was me with the consequences of wanting to know everything, I hurt myself, I disappointed myself, I let myself hit rock bottom just because I somehow wanted to see those post. I wanted to know if it will hurt me or not even I know the truth to myself. I risk the whole me on such battle where I was just about to prepare but I was already defeated. 

After days of battling my own thoughts, I probably didn't change everything but I can say that I've changed some of my perspective. 

It didn't happen overnight. It was a process that until now I'm trying to fight. Until now, I know that certain people who will see me are judging me from those chosen words. It was very traumatic. 

There's the fear of missing out but we basically will not miss out if we know where to focus our attention. Each of us have a life to live we may depend on some family and friends but it doesn't mean we have to, all the time. We have to take care of ourselves too even you pledge to prioritize your daughter or your son. You have to take care of yourself before you can do the duties of taking care of others. 

People usually know much more than the old gossip style nowadays because of Facebook where people fucking update everything.

I decided to not totally ditched Facebook but to control my usage. I browse once in a while and I may or may not saw your latest post but even if I did I don't use that as a starter pack just to have a topic to talk about. I just saw it, that's it.

I decided not to post because I don't want to have a conversation about a certain post.

Social media is eating us up. 

I still use Twitter, Instagram and even Tumblr. 

We don't need to be an open book to all the people we mingled to. Maybe at some point we were open about our lives but it doesn't mean that we have to be for the rest of our lives. Trust issue, people have that. People will know along the way of life on who to trust with their life. People will know who are the real and the fake ones. 

We don't need to require people to be open if they want privacy. 

We have to stop comparing ourselves to others. I know it's hard to avoid such but we have to stop. You should know yourself more than knowing the life of your neighbor. 

Contentment is the key. It doesn't require much but it's hard to earn because you should accept to yourself that you are willing to be satisfied with everything. 

We don't need to know everything just because we are afraid of missing out but we just don't need that. 

If you know how everything works, can you do everything all at once? If the answer is YES, wtf. what are you?!. If NO, then you just answered my question. 

0418 0311

People

It's been a month and a half ever since I went out on my own just spend time roaming around and watching people as they went through their day. 

Considering myself blessed that I don't need to travel on a daily basis even though there are days that staying at hometown is exhausting. There are also reason why I should just stay there than being out everyday on the battlefield. 

I weirdly found myself entertained while people are catching up on buses just to get a ride home. Don't get me wrong I'm also waiting for a spacious one so I can get from point a to point b. Unlike them, I'm not rushing. 

Makes me remember some people that I talked with this past week. pretty insane. 

One chasing something that she think is worthy but that huge gamble is really not good in all aspects most especially on her own situation. Too late. 

One is doubtful on her decision but it has been done and pretty sure she can't change it. 

One is not taking the risk because he know he will be defeated in the end, no matter what.

One is being amazed on how it works out there. She thought wearing a decent clothes with a foreign language is better than human decency. I can't frankly tell her that it was pretty normal out there. She was deceived by the usual which is unusual for her. 

People's personality is pretty intriguing sometimes and I may say something that may change their mind or not but I'm not the one who will be deciding for them. I hope they chose the right one and will not regret it. 

While some people stays the same. 

It's pretty cool to be out and be a nobody in a world full of strangers. They might judge you or not but at least they are new to me. It's not the usual face that I see and maybe for them a different face out of their usual. 

If observing people are the only thing I do when out and not thinking of the important ones, I'm okay with that because it really amazed and disappointing all at once. 

03.31.19

What I Do

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A post shared by Aivrin Villamayor (@aeivryn) on Mar 26, 2019 at 4:25am PDT

One person asked me and boom, makes me want to slap this person or jump in rejoice that at least not everyone is keeping a tab on me. 

I have a daily responsibility. 

I browse the Internet everyday and nobody notice.

I usually spend weekend locked up in the house 70% of that is in my room. 

I catch up on series and currently with movies. 

Life is pretty boring most days while I wait for hangout dates with friends and longer wait for my travel plans. 

Makes me question myself if I'm doing something wrong even though I know, I'm not. It's not just as exciting as it should be but I want to think that I'm more concern and just protecting my mental health. 

03.30.19