Random . December 2023

Please be kind. 

My feelings are valid I know that but at the same time, I can’t make it as an excuse to other people because it is not valid. 

Some things are just out of my control. 

I guess there’s no zombie apocalypse happened overnight. 

This is me asking for help 

3 years ago today, I made one of the best decision ever. #lasik 12.01 

Weekend Mcdo craving is real. 

Bleached my undercut and a little some more 

This week my sleep schedule was a mess 

Remembering that dream and trying to figure out the meaning brings tears to me eyes 

CHAMFEUNS - #UAAPCDC2023 

I didn’t checked my rings before removing my watch and I wasn’t able to close my exercise ring. Clearly I’m not on the right track these days 

I can’t tell you everything so I just lie 

I hope one day I will still be able to enjoy the holiday season and this like in general 

I think this is the first time I’m listening to Hayley’s solo project with earphones and it is blowing my mind 

Uninterrupted yoga session but my mind is betraying me 

Such a mess. Everything is behind on the usual schedule and I’m fucked up 

How to survive today

Can I hide forever

I want to watch the game on Wednesday but I know the real struggle of scoring tickets so I’ll just let the idea go and just be #teambahay and give the opportunity to the real fans and hopefully they will be inside the arena. #UPfight 

#UAAP Wednesday is something to look forward until then I’ll just choose to exist despite of everything that stressing me out. 

Can you just compose a reply without asking me? I’m sure you can state the obvious

Eliminating some stress triggers 

It might be the same person but never the same in terms of attitude which can be better or worse 

Uh no, I got problem with balancing today but still a successful workout

I thought I can read while waiting. Looks like it is hard to read poems in public because I may not truly understand it 

The one you thought will fix things also the one who ruined it more. As always you are accountable for all of it. 

Yay! Pencil’s new tip is here and it is working smoothly again. 

Congratulations, UST Lady Tigresses! So happy that I was able to witness your finals journey 

Working while watching an intense Game 3 Finals 

I knew it, Congratulations La Salle! 

DLSU-UP Game 3 even set a new crowd record in Araneta that broke NU-FEU game in 2014. 

When everything comes with a price tag

I don’t like to interact with people who gossip with people they don’t know in public which are also whiners 

When everything you touched now is damaged as fuck 

First weekend without UAAP. 

Taking some rest on a Sunday because I’m aware that I needed that 

It is raining

Finished my 10th book this year! 

I didn’t sleep well or I’m just half asleep the whole time 

Since I think I’m half asleep last night, I’ll just work tonight so I will be so tired in an hour or so 

Schedule ruined so let’s twist it even more

Face your fear they say but what about the triggers of your anxiety?

IG spam as to catch up on some life events this year after not posting anything a whole year. 

Got a notification about the PBA game of San Miguel and Brgy. Ginebra and it’s already at the half of 3rd quarter. So good to see players we watched then at the collegiate but mostly so nice to see TR play again after a while. 

“You don’t feel a sense of any victory when you win because the process is so dehumanizing” - Taylor Swift | Miss Americana 

If you are asking how I can sleep at night, well I actually can’t sleep most nights

I don’t want to cry because that will not solve anything 

“Talk is cheap” Kourtney 

In a very bad state if my insomnia is back and I’m still wide awake at almost 6am 

Somehow years I ago I learned that no one will save you 

Please text because I’m scared of unknown numbers and there’s 3 calling me today and it’s not for a parcel I’m waiting 

Now that I don’t have anything hiding in one of my drawers, I badly need melatonin 

Going to gatherings where your trigger and your bully is also present is basically suicide might as well stay away 

The aftermath of leg day 

Don’t fucking do it. Just don’t. 

And we might not attend all the family gatherings this holiday season. 

As if it is just as easy

Not a day to have my eye checked. Lol 

How people get angry and just go home like nothing happened 

Headache. 

I’m so close on having an attack. I’ll try to calm my nerves

Thankfully no more headache this morning. 

I’m not surprised that you only did it just once or twice 

1 year with my iPhone 14 Plus 

I guess no off days 

SO FUCKING TIRED AND DRAINED

God bless my anxiety and trauma self 

End up attending gatherings. Merry Christmas. 

Too much notification give me anxiety too. 

Birthday is over and as much as I want to reflect on my whole year, we still have things to do. Thankful no matter what with everything 

I’ll be kind to myself and so I’ll just read tonight and do the work tomorrow

Excuse me. I do know what im doing. Wtf for confusing me. 

Wasted a day now im somehow running out of time. Lol

Now what to do. 

When we will be the time where we all have the luxury to rest during end of the year craze. 

Pilates for today before the world kills me 

I will not question anymore if I will survive this year but I will be able to end it on a good note? Maybe not. 

You finished one and here comes another. 

FUCK 

That kind of silence that is deafening. 

2023, thank you for the life lessons and the ocean size of anxiety 

On Repeat . Reputation

Book . Salt Water

Poem books feels like cheating on my goal but it’s still a book and I still read them. 

Poem book are also a break and a fresh air for before and after reading whatever genre you are reading. 

Wow this book. 

I almost bookmarked everything. 

I don’t usually relate on a whole poem but at least some lines. 

Rated 5 stars on Goodreads

On Repeat . 1989 (Taylor’s Version)

Book . Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing

Yes, I read this book after hearing the news about Matthew Perry who played Chandler Bing on the hit TV Series, Friends. 

I never knew that he wrote a book and released it just last year. 

I can’t remember when I discovered the book but of course as everyone talked about him everything will come out like some of his very notable scene from Friends, his ex-girlfriends and then this book. 

Joining the band wagon but definitely not just for the clout. 

I’m no huge fan of Friends but I watched it I think in 2017 and I’m re-playing it on the background when I have nothing to watch. I can’t even pick a favorite from the six of them and I can’t tell you which character I can relate too the most. I do have some favorite scenes but nothing really that I memorized maybe except to when Phoebe found out about Chandler and Monica and saw them from Ross’s apartment. I love the Reunion and I’m happy that they were able to do that. 

Going back to the book, I think this is the first time I read a memoir. As always books can be boring to start with but when you were able to ride on it you will get it most especially that I wanted to know what this book is all about. 

Wow this book. I never thought that he will open so much about his struggle with addiction. I just can’t figure out the time line of the happenings because some doesn’t include much detail on how old he is or what year it was. He do mentioned some life events that was happening while filming season _ and season _ of Friends. He even detailed the reason why he looks thin or not on certain season pilot episode or finale. 

I will never see Friends the same way knowing that Matthew Perry was already an addict most of the time he was on Friends. One thing, I’m glad he was able to finish the series and be present at the reunion. 

We may never know the real reason of his passing but man there are so many events in his life where he almost didn’t make it. 

Despite of not being a huge fan of Friends, I still know him and I’m willing to know his story. 

Some point in this book I can totally relate to what he is saying. I’m not telling you that I’m an addict but just when you feel alone in this reality. 

There are certain lines that made me cry because of what was his regrets maybe. He was able to figure some things out and realized the reasons of his whys but maybe if he can go back for sure he will do it in a very different way. 

Later on I realized that he is the one who narrates it on the audio books. I heard some lines and man it hit more different.  

If you are huge fan of Friends you should read it but if you just want to see Matthew as just Chandler I still recommend it. Really though it is such a beautiful book and I’m happy that he was still able to do this one. 

“Addiction is like the joker. It just wants to see the whole world burn” 

Matty, I’m not your biggest fan but I was able to read your book and you will not just be Chandler Bing to me anymore. I hope you are now at peace and without any pain to feel. 

“Ask for me, I was just grateful to have made it one more day. When you are at the bottom, the days are longer. I didn’t need an Oscar, I just need one more day.”

Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing

Matthew Perry 

(Aug 19, 1969 - Oct 28, 2023)