Random . August 2016

New photo to stare at. Haha. ❤

New month, new stress. Farts.

My anxiety attacks are back. Don't be surprised if I'll be insomniac again and I'm fucking shaking all over the place.

Simple things should never be complicated.

Anxiety on its highest level. Fuck.

Do they have any idea on how... oh wait they don't fucking care... never mind.

The hype kid being super hyper. Hahaha.

I can't wait to be done at the dentist so I can do my next plan. Haha. / oh sht. Haha

Exactly one month before UAAP! I can't freaking wait.

It's up to you on what will you believe despite of a lot of stories.

Writer's block. So I'll just fix photos for now.

One of those days that I just want to drive because I don't have hangout plans with friends and I'm just bored here.

I need to get out of this town. I badly need UAAP now. Haha.

I'm tweeting anything that I'm currently feeling in real time which I think is not a good idea at some point but whatever.

I know what you are doing. Don't me. Haha.

The trigger. Haha. Yay. I'm scheduled for my next tattoo!!!

I love NCIS so much. Will never tired of saying it's my all time favorite TV series.

Seriously, are you aware of whatever you are saying when at the first place it's you who should hear all of it.

Dreaming about M makes me miss him more. 0808

Let's do the 6th and 7th. Haha. / Chill Lang Kung Chill. / 0809

Fragile Day. / I miss you everyday, daddy. 081016

When I don't have Internet for 24 hours then someone send too much food pictures on Viber with some high quality of plating.

So good to see some of my college friends in my dream.

Just me being the usual, when I just don't know what to say at the moment. 0813

If you already proven something that's satisfying should it be enough or should you seek more even it will unhealthy? Or just let it go then move forward because you know that no matter what happen in the future, you already proven something.

I want to write you a letter for I don't know if I will say all I want to say if we talk or if I can say all of it personally but I'm not sure yet.

Having unlimited Internet access for the last 5 days is bad. What more if I have 24/7 but it's all about self-control.

Time to fight the writer's block in me.

Sometimes that's all we need - time to think.

NCIS S11 recap. ❤

I was itching to dye my hair but my bleach didn't work. Bummer.

The weather is so crazy. It's been raining all week makes me miss the beach and the sun but I'm not missing the summer heat.

FYI, red and orange doesn't look good together most especially on paper and pen situation.

I want to say it lately but I want to hear it from you first. #21

Hopefully this will be the last weekend that I will be stuck in this hometown. Haha. Because when UAAP starts, I'll be out every week until the last month of this year. I can't fucking wait for my social life to be activated. Haha.

Last year, we were in Palawan. I'm somehow missing the place but I also realized is it the place that I'm missing or the memories?

I'm hooked. #StrangerThings

One year without driving! The last time was when we were in Palawan last year! 

What to do after watching #StrangerThings? 

Oh sht. I badly need to get away this Friday. Haha.

That UAAP schedule is so messed up.

Can't get out until next month. Busy days.

Not in the mood to talk most especially when I know at some point that I shouldn't be stuck in here.

Bed weather, I wish I can enjoy you.

I saw it coming. Thank you.

Finally! A date with my bed. Haha. I'm now recharged for the busy days.

Using UAAP as my motivation to finish everything today. Haha. 

Once I'm done with work stuff I'll write something about this very controversial issue about singing the school hymn. Can't freaking wait to rant about it.

I'm very well aware that another month comes to an end because every single time, I'm so drained emotionally and physically. But I do look forward to another month ahead. 

Eight - Nine - Ten

I hate August at some point of my life but I'll make sure that it will not happen for the rest of my life. Maybe because it just making me anxious ever since the month began. Most especially that it was my dad's 5th death anniversary during the 10th of this month. I just don't know what to feel and if I'm feeling the right thing. So weird. Because who would have thought that I will be surviving life without my real life hero.

I miss you everyday, Daddy

To be honest, I was anxious for days before the 10th but now it's been a week and I'm fine already. Beside my birthday I also realized that August 10 is also my Fragile Day. Everything that happened 5 years ago played in my head that it seems just like yesterday but it's been 5 years. I'm not sure how will I feel when it become 10, 15 or 20 years if I will still feel the same or not anymore but I just really hate the feeling of missing my dad so much.

Enough on my drama side let's go to the sensitive and weirdest side. Lol

Let's talk about 5 years ago again. Haha. But seriously, I will never forget August 9, 2011 because that was the last time I had a moment with my dad. Long story short he distracted me from whatever I was doing on my laptop because mom is falling asleep on the chair he was asking me to call the attention of mom so she can sleep but she refuse probably because she was still waiting probably for her favorite Korean teleserye. Yeah that's all I can remember.

Ever since I really wanted to have a tattoo that will be related to August 9 and 10 but the wounds that the 10th left in me will be forever here in me even it's not visible.

I was also battling with some sh*ts again for the past few weeks and I know the only thing that will keep me sane and can bring me back to reality is to feel some pain again.

August 7 - Something snapped in me, I felt being played up and sabotage at the same time and I know that's my sign to contact someone so she can at least cross out some on my tattoo list. It took me a while to do this move because I know that if I contacted her I will be scheduled for the coming days. Instead of drowning myself with anger and hate that day, I messaged Regine asking for schedule. She replied fast. Haha. Yep that's easy to schedule my tattoo appointment (but of course you can be a walk-in on any tattoo shop). She asked me about Tuesday and after seeing the date on the calendar, I said okay.

August 9, I badly want to have a remembrance with you and being asked if I'm free on Tuesday, August 9, 2016 I said yes without a hitch.

I should've told mom prior to Tuesday but I can't find the perfect timing until Tuesday noon where I was scheduled for 1pm. Of course she get mad telling me not to do it anymore, asking me why do I get tattoos, blah blah blah. I know she doesn't understand why and I'm not going to force her to understand just like gazillion people who are not huge fan of tattoos.

I still went because I want it to happen and I want to get the tattoos that has been thought for so long.

my 6th and 7th tattoo

I can't say what the two lines means if you ask me but I got the idea of it from Samii Ryan she got the same tattoo and she said it represents her sisters. I got the idea that it can also be for my brother and sister. I can't think of something significant to represent them individually (well I can but some of their favorites might not be their favorite after years) so I went with this. No regrets.

I've witnessed different siblings relationship and I can say some are good some are bad but no matter what at the end of the day he/she is still your brother/sister. This means that even the three of us are different from each other, no matter what happened my brother will still and forever be my brother and same with my sister. They're part of me forever and that's my reason to my two lines. I know it's very simple, very boring for some but I'm really happy with it.

Before I told myself that I will keep my left upper extremities and right lower extremities free of tattoo and with these new tattoo I ate my words. Haha, One more reason why the lines are on the left is that because my brother's tattoo is on his left arm and my sister is a left-handed.

If you ask me for the meaning of it I'll just say it means "the struggle is real". Haha.

Cliché tattoo but the cross, I love it. Yep another Hayley Williams inspiration that I agree to what she said before that "her faith is the only thing that never fails her". Some people get bible verses but to be honest, I don't memories a lot of them and one verse can't do justice to represent my faith so instead of choosing one verse I decided to get the cross which is everything.

The intoxicating experience is a bonus to let the human being in me know that I'm still alive despite of all the things that are happening around me.

I know mom together with some people around sometimes can't understand why I'm keep on getting inked but I'm happy with it and I don't get tattooed for nothing. I may not opened up the reason behind every tattoo when you ask me but it's all out in here. Sorry mom, I'm not stopping anytime soon and I haven't got anything for you yet!

Some do it just for show but not me.

 Tattoos are the best accessories that I owned and I can bring all of them anytime, anywhere.

Pico de Loro 2016

It's been my third time at Pico de Loro this year and finally, I can shoot underwater and beach waves with my Go Pro. 

Same with the videos that I made this year, I'm starting to just use videos instead of having photos. Although pictures can say a different story but you can already check that on my Tumblr and videos tell a lot more point of view and it serve a little bit of closer to what it is. 

Upon having some moments at the beach during this overnight trip with family, I realized that I'm so blessed to be able to travel once in a while and I was able to experience the different beaches in this country. I've been in Boracay (2011), Palawan (2014 2015) and recently to Romblon (2016) and being a beach addict, I realized their differences and I fell in love with the idea of beach again even at some point it is scary because you don't know what is out there in the open sea.

It was a very relaxing trip but when we are about to leave, I realized that at some point, I don't want to go back in there. Yes, it was very relaxing and its an easy way to escape but the other things doesn't change. 

It was a very good privilege to experience Pico de Loro but I think I'm not seeing myself to be back there anytime soon even the kids love the place because the traveler in me is telling me to explore more. 

My Photographs: Pico de Loro

There are a lot of places to explore

Alaine's 18th Birthday

I don't usually blog about personal stuff but all of my pictures and this video are up or still on queue on my Tumblr as of posting this.

My cousin, Alaine doesn't want some formal party and her reason was because she already experienced being glam up during her time in high school so she just want simple celebration.

They planned to have a overnight stay in Tagaytay.

Cousin time! Yay!

They fetch me while they're on their way to Tagaytay in Parañaque because that was the day we arrived from Romblon. Nothing beats the feeling of being away from family then you will be spending time with them out of town after being gone for a while. Love it.

So here's the video I made from our stay in Tagaytay and just like my Romblon video, I don't want to us pictures since I can transfer all of my videos now. Alaine wasn't in the video all the time it looks like a children swimming party. Haha. But I used a song of All Time Low and You Me At Six since she loves listening to them that time or maybe until now. Haha.

This makes me miss summer so much. Enjoy! 

FYI, I'm A Girl . After 3 years with RT

It's been 3 years when I first purchased my Real Techniques brushes that all started with the Travel Essentials then the Core Collection, Starter Brush Kit, Expert Face Brush, Stippling Brush, Silicone Eyeliner Brush and the Retractable Bronzer Brush. 

They're my first ever set of brushes since I hate sponges and after reading reviews and watching bunch of videos about them, I'm sold. 

Until now I love using these brushes but one thing that I noticed ever since I got it was the handle. Three years ago, I know that I will have a problem with the handle later on and it's my current problem. 

sticky handle

The black on the handle is now sticky I'm not sure is it just because the way I store it or because living in a tropical country, we usually have problems on how to maintain a material that was used on bags, shoes, etc. 

I can still use the brush I just don't like it when the handle is being sticky. RT released the Bold Metals but I already find it a bit expensive for its individual price. 

I still recommend this brushes for first timers. It's a great brush but I'm looking forward on upgrading it maybe later this year and I'll make sure that I will never have a problem again on the handle. 

I may still keep it since the handle is the only problem, the brushes are still so good to use. Or I'll try the alcohol magic on it so I can still be happy with it. 

While typing this post I already search for solution on this issue and before publishing this I already did wiping the black part with alcohol and thank you to fellow brush lovers because it really works. Now I'm not sure if I'll get a new set. Haha. 

On Repeat . Summer Fling, Don't Mean a Thing

Summer Fling, Don't Mean a Thing by New Found Glory

It's about time, we wrote our names in the cement
It's been killing you to say it, so let's begin
Affecting you more than you'd like me to believe
And it comes in many forms of excuses and at least

Look them in the eyes, tell them what they wanna hear
Yeah, that's when everyone falls my dear
Look me in the eyes, tell me what I wanna hear
You know I'll never fall for it

But when you need a boy around you just for the summer
Don't come knocking on my door
When you need a boy around you just for the summer
Don't come knocking on my door

About time, I won't wait another minute
So tell me your lies, I'll let you finish
Distracting me more than I'm liking to admit
And it goes without saying you have a lot to do with it

Look them in the eyes, tell them what they wanna hear
Yeah, that's when everyone falls my dear
Look me in the eyes, tell me what I wanna hear
You know I'll never fall for it

But when you need a boy around you just for the summer
Don't come knocking on my door
When you need a boy around you just for the summer
Don't come knocking on my door

Don't waste my time
You're never gonna change my mind
When you need a boy around you just for the summer
Don't come knocking on my door

Look them in the eyes, tell them what they wanna hear
Yeah, that's when everyone falls my dear
Look me in the eyes, tell me what I wanna hear
I won't fall for it, no!

So when you need someone around you
(Ba ba ba, ba ba ba)
When you need someone around you
Don't come knocking on my door

When you need a boy around you just for the summer
Don't come knocking on my door
When you need a boy around you just for the summer
Don't come knocking on my door

Don't waste my time
You're never gonna change my mind
When you need a boy around you just for the summer
Don't come knocking on my door

Don't come knocking on my door
Don't come knocking
When you need a boy around you
When you need a boy around you