Painful Snake

 Story time but how to start? 

I will never let the year 2021 to pass without me getting a tattoo. 

After 2018, I finally committed to “at least one tattoo per year” but it seems that December will always be the tattoo month. Even December stressed me out lately and I’m slowly starting to hate it, I don’t have much time to unwind and mostly I’m out of ideas on what tattoo to get unless I like and need to get a specific tattoo then I will but not during summer season. 

A few days before Christmas I finally messaged my tattoo artist on details but this time I don’t have plans. I just want to get a tattoo and I need it before end of the year. I didn’t told him that though. Ever since I got the skull he already made it ready if ever we will plan to continue it and his few suggestion is a snake. I’m so looking forward to it since I’m currently obsess with snakes because of the reptile people on Youtube. Unfortunately even it is easy to have a snake, I’ll pass since I’m not sure how really to take good care of them and the weather in here is very different which at some point, they do adjust. 

I was born under year of snake, btw. Which at some point I want to relate on why I like snakes. 

I planned an alternative if ever I will not be able to do my thigh but I can’t plan a tattoo quickly because I don’t like to end up regretting it years later. I had few small pieces but I’m in doubt so, NO. One reason why I pushed the continuation of the skull. 

One more reason why I want to get a tattoo for now is to feel something. I’ve been struggling from here and there in regard of all aspects of life. 2021 was full of surprises and like 2020, it still control us even it started to loosen up. 

2021 throw me some things that I didn’t expect to happen and by almost the end of the year, I made one major life decision. 

I wanted to make sure that I can still feel pain. That I’m still alive despite of everything. 

Physical pain is nothing compared to emotional pain. Take note of that. 

~

We agreed on the snake idea and now, how to execute but JT sent me some ideas already but it’s hard to plan it on chat. 

 

Went there before 8pm and we start by 10pm. Ended by 3am.  

Brain storming for 2 hours doesn’t hurt.

I love it. Even I wasn’t able to take much pictures because it was the most painful tattoo to date! Haha I was holding tightly on that chair and I can’t look at it longer while being outlined or shaded. I was planning to read a book or write something while it was happening but no. Haha the pain gods wants me to really feel something since I asked for it. Omg. Now, I do have an answer to the question “what is the most painful tattoo”. Lol. 

Don’t be fooled, the skull was already 2 years old. 

Till next session! Which I don’t know when. Haha 

ps. Let’s consider this as my 2021 year end post because I wasn’t able to reflect on my birthday and I don’t have much time to compose another one to reflect this year. 

Eight - Nine - Ten

I hate August at some point of my life but I'll make sure that it will not happen for the rest of my life. Maybe because it just making me anxious ever since the month began. Most especially that it was my dad's 5th death anniversary during the 10th of this month. I just don't know what to feel and if I'm feeling the right thing. So weird. Because who would have thought that I will be surviving life without my real life hero.

I miss you everyday, Daddy

To be honest, I was anxious for days before the 10th but now it's been a week and I'm fine already. Beside my birthday I also realized that August 10 is also my Fragile Day. Everything that happened 5 years ago played in my head that it seems just like yesterday but it's been 5 years. I'm not sure how will I feel when it become 10, 15 or 20 years if I will still feel the same or not anymore but I just really hate the feeling of missing my dad so much.

Enough on my drama side let's go to the sensitive and weirdest side. Lol

Let's talk about 5 years ago again. Haha. But seriously, I will never forget August 9, 2011 because that was the last time I had a moment with my dad. Long story short he distracted me from whatever I was doing on my laptop because mom is falling asleep on the chair he was asking me to call the attention of mom so she can sleep but she refuse probably because she was still waiting probably for her favorite Korean teleserye. Yeah that's all I can remember.

Ever since I really wanted to have a tattoo that will be related to August 9 and 10 but the wounds that the 10th left in me will be forever here in me even it's not visible.

I was also battling with some sh*ts again for the past few weeks and I know the only thing that will keep me sane and can bring me back to reality is to feel some pain again.

August 7 - Something snapped in me, I felt being played up and sabotage at the same time and I know that's my sign to contact someone so she can at least cross out some on my tattoo list. It took me a while to do this move because I know that if I contacted her I will be scheduled for the coming days. Instead of drowning myself with anger and hate that day, I messaged Regine asking for schedule. She replied fast. Haha. Yep that's easy to schedule my tattoo appointment (but of course you can be a walk-in on any tattoo shop). She asked me about Tuesday and after seeing the date on the calendar, I said okay.

August 9, I badly want to have a remembrance with you and being asked if I'm free on Tuesday, August 9, 2016 I said yes without a hitch.

I should've told mom prior to Tuesday but I can't find the perfect timing until Tuesday noon where I was scheduled for 1pm. Of course she get mad telling me not to do it anymore, asking me why do I get tattoos, blah blah blah. I know she doesn't understand why and I'm not going to force her to understand just like gazillion people who are not huge fan of tattoos.

I still went because I want it to happen and I want to get the tattoos that has been thought for so long.

my 6th and 7th tattoo

I can't say what the two lines means if you ask me but I got the idea of it from Samii Ryan she got the same tattoo and she said it represents her sisters. I got the idea that it can also be for my brother and sister. I can't think of something significant to represent them individually (well I can but some of their favorites might not be their favorite after years) so I went with this. No regrets.

I've witnessed different siblings relationship and I can say some are good some are bad but no matter what at the end of the day he/she is still your brother/sister. This means that even the three of us are different from each other, no matter what happened my brother will still and forever be my brother and same with my sister. They're part of me forever and that's my reason to my two lines. I know it's very simple, very boring for some but I'm really happy with it.

Before I told myself that I will keep my left upper extremities and right lower extremities free of tattoo and with these new tattoo I ate my words. Haha, One more reason why the lines are on the left is that because my brother's tattoo is on his left arm and my sister is a left-handed.

If you ask me for the meaning of it I'll just say it means "the struggle is real". Haha.

Cliché tattoo but the cross, I love it. Yep another Hayley Williams inspiration that I agree to what she said before that "her faith is the only thing that never fails her". Some people get bible verses but to be honest, I don't memories a lot of them and one verse can't do justice to represent my faith so instead of choosing one verse I decided to get the cross which is everything.

The intoxicating experience is a bonus to let the human being in me know that I'm still alive despite of all the things that are happening around me.

I know mom together with some people around sometimes can't understand why I'm keep on getting inked but I'm happy with it and I don't get tattooed for nothing. I may not opened up the reason behind every tattoo when you ask me but it's all out in here. Sorry mom, I'm not stopping anytime soon and I haven't got anything for you yet!

Some do it just for show but not me.

 Tattoos are the best accessories that I owned and I can bring all of them anytime, anywhere.

Two Weeks Ago . Scales

Today is June 24, 2014 its 1AM and my 3rd tattoo is now 5 months old. Yesterday, I got my 4th tattoo and it was a mermaid scale. Why mermaid scale? Because I think I was a mermaid before life. I was enrolled in a swimming class way back in high school and I loved it. I just hate the competitions and stuff but doing it as a hobby is a good thing. Unfortunately, I stopped because of school and then there's college but I love the water and I'm still wishing we have a pool where I can do laps whenever I want.

I also love the beach but being tanned after is a different story. Haha. I also love under the sea, the sea creatures, my favorite Disney princess is Ariel and I do believe that once there was a real mermaid (my grandmother can confirmed that because she said that in the river near their house, there will be a beautiful voice at night).

For a very long time, I was thinking what to cover a birthmark that I was trying to hide ever since and while I was searching for a mermaid tattoo I saw scale tattoos. I didn't knew about that but there it was under #mermaidtattoo and then I google to see more. Before I was just thinking of putting a feather in there without any reason I just want to cover it but the scale tattoo changed my mind.

This was the only tattoo that I asked permission to my mom but she doesn't approved it of course but still I want it. No, I need it for self satisfaction because let's admit it people judge other people and I'm sick of other comments when it comes to that and it hurt my feelings and ever since I open myself to tattoos I know I'll put one in there. I know it stays there but knowing that it have a mermaid scale now doesn't bothered me much unlike before that even I was wearing a skirt people may see it and people may judge. Haaa. Even some close to me judge that part of me and it hurts so bad! Now the only thing hurt was the healing because I can't figure out how will I sit in there to pee! Haha.

After all of the tattoos now I can tell which one hurts so bad and yes this was it and before people ask me if it hurts my always answer was 'No' but ask me now I'll answer 'Super!!!'. It may take a year now or so before crossing out some on my bucket list again. Haha. Pao also noticed why I wasn't screaming or saying ouch the whole time because he said it hurts so bad for him if he's getting one maybe because I really need some reality check that I'm silently appreciating the pain and it hurt so bad but I think it was bearable. 

This will take some weeks to healing and a little sacrifice is not bad at all. 

Thank you Igin and Pao! So good to see the improvement of Pao ever since I first saw him back in January.

I'm now a mermaid. What's up? Haha.

I can't say it will be the last because tattoos are so addicting and you will not stop after getting one. Now, I really need to figure out how to pee.

It was an intoxicating experience but back thigh tattoo - ✓

Current day: Two weeks and there's still a few parts that are peeling off so I think it should be good for the next days and probably I can wear jeans now because my skirt collection was good for 2 weeks. Moreover, I can now pee and sit just like the old days. HAHA

I'm now obsess with thigh tattoos. ;)