Monday, April 30, 2018

Random . April 2018



Long weekend is over. Reality starts now. 

This world can't handle my trust issues. 

Anxiety. 

Makes me question all my past decision and asking myself again if I'm supposed to be where am I today. :(

Surrounded by graveyard people and somehow it fascinates me. 

Gem is the only person who can drag me to hangout in Makati in such short notice and on a weekday. 

Decisions. Don't depend on me so much. I don't want to add up some things that later will be questioned by my own. And I'm fragile. 

Headline. Lol. 

The past will always be a part of what's the present. 

So anxious. 

Pros and cons of life. 

Do I also want to leave for different reasons? 

I'm seeing the different side of this town. 

Don't blame other people with the result of your own decisions. 

After years, I just appreciated tiangge. Lol

Parahoy videos. ❤ 

Gritty and Parahoy. Will take tons of things to be able to attend to one what more on both. 

It's easy to fake yourself online because it's seriously so hard dealing with people personally. 

Just another day that I don't want to talk to people. Please understand. 

No matter how you try to understand people, sometimes it's just really hard to deal with all of them. 

I just want to travel. 

When people don't understand simple logic why do we expect them to understand the complicated ones. 

When you don't know the whole thing, shut the fuck off. 

You got to consider where it all started not just the present shit. 

Why if I don't want to? Does your opinion still matter? 

If you really care at any point, you know what is the right thing to do. 

You are not just targeting one person. 

If there's any trigger, just cut it off no but and what if. 

Cause and effect. 

I survived today. 

Thinking of getting just a classic or a vault. 

Is this what saving up all about? I better get used to it. 

It's brings a different vibes when you are both joining a scenery together but having friends on the other side of the globe, video call will do for now. Missing so bad the late night hangs at coffee shops, fast-food chains and at sea side. 2 hours is not enough to be honest after months of no consistent talking but feels like nothing changed. ❤ 

I still don't know most of the time how things work. 

There will be certain people that you will see again randomly even in a very uncertain way but it's also a reminder from above to appreciate. 

People are tough to deal with but we got to be tougher. 

Can I just have a day where I will be able to spend time with my dogs. 

Chronicle trip. 

Anxiety. 

When I'm already at the take out but still blurted that's it's for take out. #lost. 

Why there's no clubhouse available at Tropical. Huhu. My guy has been looking for it for 2 days as my request. :(

Dreaming of the beach and a lot more chill stuff which I may not get this summer. 

It's one reason why I don't like hanging out with people here. Seems like there's no other things to talk about. Just a little reminder, there are also a lot of things you don't know. 

There's a lot of things in my mind and as much as I want to write it, I rather not. 

Don't say it's easy on me. This anxiety is telling me the opposite. 

I'm somehow hating that I care so much for a lot of things. 

Rant it to my face. We both know that I can't do anything about it either. 

Apologies if you're keeping yourself in the past. We've totally at the present now. 

Torn between traveling and staying in. 

Retail therapy again. Lol

Stay in public places. 

Yay. Worth it. I guess. lol. 

Aww bawi time. Hehe

Busy days are here again. -_-

And just like that, another month come to an end


Monday, April 16, 2018

Scheduled



Mostly, I'm on schedule. I can't make an impromptu trip or anything that will ruin my schedule. Though I can squeeze some time as long as I have free time. 

I envy my alter ego he's not on schedule like I do. He just need to adjust sometimes he just need few minutes to dump all his clothes in a bag then just leave. 

I envy those people who are not on schedule and just have few deadline for projects or whatever but there is also a disadvantage and advantage in between.

I just wish that I can do impromptu change schedule. I think somehow I do that but the consequences after is always the killer.




Sunday, April 15, 2018

Weirdo.




M told me that it's weird on how I love commuting and not just book an Uber or Grab or just take a cab. 

Commuting in Manila truly sucks but I guess the reason why I enjoyed it is that, I don't travel much daily since I'm just at hometown most of the time and I just really enjoy the little things. And if you don't have a car to drive, why not learn to enjoy a bus or a jeep trip. 

Some close and even a lot of people will not get it why I enjoy commuting. The only reason is that, I love it when it's at night and I do hate it too sometimes but really it's about how you are going to enjoy anything out of everything. Advantage is that I know how to get from point a to be without just having the choice of a cab or an Uber or Grab and living in this country, that's a must.

It is definitely a down time for me since I'm out from my little box when I'm wandering outside hometown.

I already said it before but I really like being a normal person out here. People may judge from my physical looks but they don't really know me at all. I like that, being normal with strangers it keeps me sane. Mingling with people who have life in the metro on a daily basis is an experience, I love observing them too.  

Me-time is usually like that. I got time to reflect my life and all the situation that's on my shoulder even on commuting and on traffic. I don't have easy access to a beach just watch sunset without all the distraction. Alone time in the city is the answer and also the late night stays at 24 hours fast food chains are my favorite. Walking few blocks at home court also is a me-time. 

I know it's insane that I like commuting on the city. Another way to observe people and to be aware of anything that's happening out there. 

Some may know what I do when I'm out but mostly don't. So if you saw me wandering outside hometown, welcome to my unfiltered life. 



Friday, April 13, 2018

Outside.



Lately, I had been staying at home and to be honest my introvert self is happy. I'm battling with going out or staying in but staying in wins for the past month. I do enjoy just lying down while watching my favorite series and at the same the resting my brain from all the stressor of my life. 

Ever since I came back from Indonesia, I haven't had a me-time not until today when I was forced to go out and I just remembered how it was fun going out alone and wander out of hometown. 

Of course there's a disadvantage of being out since I have to eat this and that (lol) but it's really good for my sanity, it's really healthy for my brain for me not to break down. 

I believe I already written a lot about my realizations when I'm outside and alone and it still applies every single time. Same realization and sometimes even at the same place but for sure never the same people around. 

A lot of people even the close ones will never understand why I love doing this but if ever you happen to see me outside hometown and not doing work stuff, welcome to my outside world where I'm mostly just being me. 

I'll be back in hometown tonight and hopefully I will not be crying when I get there because it means I'll be there for no one knows how long until I go back out and have my down time.

032118 

Saturday, April 07, 2018

On Repeat . The Mother We Share (Live)

The Mother We Share by CHVRCHES (Live on the Honda Stage)

Never took your side, never crossed your life
I keep my whip shut tight
Until you call
We come this far, as a 
Until you realize that you should go
I'm in misery where you can see as old as your omens
And the mother we share will never keep your proud head from falling
The way is long but you can make it easy on me
And the mother we share will never keep our cold hearts from calling
In the, I'm the only one here
And I will cover you, until you go
Cause if I told the truth, I will always be free
And keep a prize with me, until you go
I'm in misery but you can't see, as old as your omens
And the mother we share will never keep your proud head from falling
The way is long but you can make it easy on me
And the mother we share will never keep our cold hearts from calling
Into the night falls, we're the only ones left
I bet you even know, where you can go
When it all... up, you with your head in my hands
It's a souvenir, for when you go
I'm in misery but you can't see, as old as your omens
And the mother we share will never keep your proud head from falling
The way is long but you can make it easy on me
And the mother we share will never keep our cold hearts from calling

Friday, April 06, 2018

On Repeat . XO (Live)

XO by CHVRCHES (Live on the Honda Stage)
originally by Beyonce





Your love is bright as ever

Even in the shadows
Baby kiss me
Before they turn the lights out
Your heart is glowing
And I’m crashing into you
Baby kiss me, kiss me
Before they turn the lights out
Before they turn the lights out
Baby love me lights out
In the darkest night hour

I’ll search through the crowd
Your face is all that I see
I’ll give you everything
Baby, love me lights out
Baby, love me lights out
We don’t have forever

Baby daylight’s wasting
You better kiss me
Before our time is run out
Nobody sees what we see
They’re just hopelessly gazing
Baby take me, take me
Before they turn the lights out
Before time is run out
Baby love me lights out
In the darkest night hour

I’ll search through the crowd
Your face is all that I see
I’ll give you everything
Baby, love me lights out
Baby, love me lights out
You can turn my lights out
I love you like XO

You love me like XO
You kill me girl XO
You love me like XO
Is all that I see
I'll give you everything
Baby love me lights out
Baby love me lights out
You can turn my lights out
In the darkest night hour

I’ll search through the crowd
Your face is all that I see
I’ll give you everything
Baby, love me lights out
Baby, love me lights out
You can turn my lights out

Thursday, April 05, 2018

On Repeat . Get Out (Live)

Get Out by CHVRCHES (Live on the Honda Stage)

Talked ourselves to death
Never saying what I wanted

Saying what I needed
I pushed you to the edge
Never knowing what I wanted
Knowing what I needed you to say
Reflections you used to see
Never look alike to me
Get out, get out
Get, get, get out

Get, get, get out of here
Can we get out, get out
Get, get, get out
Get, get, get out of here?
Good intentions never good enough
Can we get out, get out

Get, get, get out
Get, get, get out of here?
Going out my mind
Never getting what I wanted

Getting what I needed
I left myself behind
Never knowing what I wanted
Knowing what I needed you to do
Reflections you used to see
Never look alike to me
Get out, get out
Get, get, get out

Get, get, get out of here
Can we get out, get out
Get, get, get out
Get, get, get out of here?


Good intentions never good enough
Can we get out, get out

Get, get, get out
Get, get, get out of here?
So do you want to turn it around?
And do you want to show me how?

You are a kaleidoscope
You are a kaleidoscope
So do you want to turn it around?
And do you want to show me how?
You are a kaleidoscope
You are a kaleidoscope
Get out, get out
Get, get, get out

Get, get, get out of here
Can we get out, get out
Get, get, get out
Get, get, get out of here?
Good intentions never good enough
Can we get out, get out

Get, get, get out
Get, get, get out of here?
So do you want to turn it around?
And do you want to show me how?

You are a kaleidoscope
You are a kaleidoscope
So do you want to turn it around?
And do you want to show me how?
You are a kaleidoscope
You are a kaleidoscope
You are a kaleidoscope
You are a kaleidoscope