Rant . Talking

The past month has been one roller-coaster ride and it's just half of the year. What more this year is in store for me, for all of us. 

Past few months, I may avoiding to write things down including the redundancy of my life rants and jotting down the obvious for bragging. One thing that I keep on doing and keeping me sane without doing much effort is talking to myself. 

I talk to myself when I'm all alone. 

I know somehow it's healthy but creepy and most especially crazy to some. 

Crazy as it seem so I will not be defensive on some part but maybe a few will get the point but for most people, I'm crazy. Lol

Forgive a person who has been on hiatus for a while.

I just realized earlier that I don't usually talk about myself well, I knew it every since that I'm a certified listener. I feel that my life is so obvious that I don't need to repeat and to say it with words. Living in this small town and not a stranger to most, what you see is somehow what you get from me. Why do waste more energy saying the obvious out loud? 

Somewhere I already wrote comparing myself to other people who left hometown to live their life. Me not being sure if I stopped growing since I'm still in here or a little advance because of experience outside town. Which is which, I still haven't figured it out but it depends. 

All of these problem and a little bit more I don't say it out loud, I know these life rants are not interesting. So when no one wants to analyze complicated things with me, I do it by myself. 

Emotions are huge part of myself and if I do say some thing all over again, it will either make me cry, angry or I will be forever on cloud 9 for saying the happy ones. Not everyone is a listener. 

People will say their opinions about such situation but as open minded as I am, I don't usually take in opinions from people who don't get the point or people who are living in a box. 

When I got a problem to face I analyze it by myself. The possibilities; the cons and pros of whatever to be decided on; the difference of the choices that's available; understanding my side of the story as well as putting myself on the other people that are involve, the judgemental community until I get a little far by analyzing what will be the reaction of a total stranger. I'm a critical thinker and I do go a little further to the worst-case scenario so there will be no regrets in the end. If ever there will be wrong decision then I only blame myself and not the other people. 

It's hard to be both the therapist and patient. Takes a lot to be sane, right? ha ha ha 

This is one effect of knowing myself so much. To be honest it's one of the best feeling, knowing your own. It will not make you confused on decisions like if you want the green or yellow. 

This doesn't mean that I don't talk to friends, I just don't do the complicated ones because I know my friends are not 100% listeners but I like talking to them about their problem it was an exercise for my brain it's also a great source of real-life experience. 

Even I'm a listener, I can't or maybe I don't really know how to comfort people. I don't know how to through text message or by saying it out loud but one thing is for sure, I can listen to your rants for hours and if you don't want to talk I can just seat there by your side. Just be sure that you don't contradict my beliefs in life unless, I rather be alone because you're not healthy for me. Lol 

I'm a weirdo and I do know that. Introvert too. Hehe

Maybe it's not always what you see is what you get huh?

Don't be surprised if I like being alone in a crowded place, I love observing too. I'm not good at talking but that's manageable. 

So good to finally write again and hopefully it will continue. 

If you are reading this, thank you. I just introduced you 50% of myself. ;)

07.15.18