2018

There are some vivid memory of early this year. This year I decided to make a trip to Jakarta a month away from the concert of Paramore. Met some very nice people because of that impulsive decision, visited Jakarta twice since the February show was cancelled. 

Can't remember much but all I know was, I invested most of my time keeping track with Paramore while waiting for August. Then been so broke after it. Lol. I saw Halsey too and I fall in love with her even more. 

Been to Palawan for Tita Bing's 60th birthday party. Then come back 2 months later for her funeral. Palawan trip was already different when we all came back there so as to future trips. 

November was a huge challenge for the family too since my grandmother was getting weak each day and she passed on December 3rd. She was also rushed to ICU the day I was scheduled to fly to Palawan for Tita's birthday but my mom said go and for Tita Bing, I pushed it through. No regrets. I'm sure people will also understand if only they knew. 

Whatever have an ending maybe ended this year. Some might hate 2018 while some love it so much that they don't want to let this year go. It might be an ending for some but it's also a beginning for others. 

I was rereading my monthly rants and one thing for sure, I lost me-time this year. Meaning I lost a day on reflecting on what happened every event. To be honest until know I'm lost, I'm just really forcing myself to write this up so for the sake of reflection and to release some crazy thoughts. I think that I wasn't able to grieve for losing 2 women who's an inspiration on different aspects. 

This year was a challenge and it is continuing to challenge me even on its last days. As always a year is one roller coaster ride. I literally forget to mention some important but I'm still and forever be thankful for the laughter and sadness of this year. It was a great experience and a lesson even this last month was all rushing. Time won't slow down and the universe doesn't want us to have down time. My ending, no time to reflect and I feel like 24 hours in not enough. 

There are so many to mention but all I got was some recent memories. Some of it I already let go. 

One highlight is that I really tried to get rid of Facebook but I consider is as an open communication for some like classmate from grade school, high school and most especially college. It's still a major role for most people but I control my usage, that's a huge effort. It was this year when I was bashed by someone on social media. It was terrible. 

I hit the most rock bottom of my life.

But I got my way back on my track even it's a little bumped. 

I got 5 tattoos in one session after 2 years. It was satisfying. 

Even on the last day of this year, I think it's rushing to the end. 

One last, sorry if somehow I disappointed you. Also, thank you to the people who believed.

I think this is enough for my year-end post. 

Whether you had a happy or sad 2018, let's just be thankful for it. There is really something nice despite of the bad ones. 

Wishing us all strength and guidance from above for 2019. 

Happy New Year.

Random . November 2018

Time with cousins. 

Planning my future tattoos will keep me sane for the rest of my lifetime. 

Thank you. #21

What long weekend? 

Another reunion with friends. 

As much as I think that I'm trapped in here, I just realized that I'm really not. 

Good thing I decided to leave when I went to college. 

Grow up. 

Trying not to buy some unnecessary stuff ever since last month. It's been a real challenge. 

Happy birthday, daddy. 

Wtf. Hahaha long time no see, ex-bff first love. Lol

Another day that I tapped myself at the back and assuring that I'm really my father's daughter. 

I smell comparison on the coming weeks. 

People will not fully understand how life works. Oh yeah, they don't have a fucking idea about it. 

Been invisible for so long. I'm not expecting to be visible now. 

The system isn't perfect don't act like it is. 

Happy birthday, sissy. 

This 11.11 is making me anxious. / Yay! For straight 3 years, I was able to have a good deal during 11.11. 

The system is the main reason why. 

Defense mechanism or not stop the bullsht. 

When things are okay, people don't care. When things are complicated, people will show up to make you confused. 

This is rude but I'm somehow thankful that we weren't exposed to that side. 

Happy Fiesta, hometown. 

Been a while since I went out of town for leisure. 

Will I regret going to the mall on a weekend? Surprise. I didn't regret it. 

Oh well. That was a good run, FEU. See you next season. 

Goal achieved: no UAAP basketball ticket for this season. 

This is one reason why I didn't pursue the medical field. 

I was in Nashville for a brief moment watching Hayley to finally get a hair dye once again. 1127 

Not feeling good on a busy week. Hopefully I'll be okay in the morning.  

What if we ditch it? Lol.

I want to be nice to people but when they don't have common sense, oh fck. 

Thank you, November. You've been nice‎

Random . October 2018

Bye Palawan. Till next time. 

Going home from an out-of-town trip feels better now than before. 

Whoa. It's been a year! Good job, self. 

When a daydream crash in front of me. :(

Missing my guy way too much. 

Might stick to yellow for the rest of the year. 

Need to off my notification for sanity sake. 

How can Paul write songs without being redundant. #MalibuNights

Even I badly want to, I think I'll let go the idea. #sad 

No one can ruin my surprises. And it's quite a success. You're welcome.

This guy beside me is so lost. 

Eavesdropping about basketball. Suddenly I'm missing the scene. 

I really hate the mall during weekends. 

Yay! We won! I'm going back slowly to basketball scene. Lol

Where did the weekend go?

Emotionally torturing myself. 

This month is so strange  

Down time and I badly want to write something but it's so cluttered. / Now that I have this new topic but I don't know how to arrange it. 

Feels good to not depend on social media while waiting for hours. 

I need some silence today. 

Whoa. What did just happened over the last two days? 

I did just hit literally the most rock bottom of life. 

Please, no. #21 101418

I'm so done with Malibu Nights. Time to play Trench. 

Done with all romantic shit. Music. Movies. Series. 

After Laughter is my safety blanket. 

For the first time, it's hard to reread that specific conversation. #21

When all of my daydreams crashes. 

After emotional issues, it's about mental now. #life

I need new tattoos. 

Social investment. 

2nd round schedule is better. Should we watch na? Hehe #UAAP

Defense mechanism is out. Slowly building back my walls. 

I never learn. Always giving too much. 

It's 2015 all over again. 

Inhale. Exhale. I will be okay. 

Every morning, I'm okay. Every night, I feel shit. 

Can some people be just human and stop the political shit?

Room revamp. Done. Though I still want drastic change but this will do for now. 1019

Hey. Guess what, I'm not surprised you're back. 

The disadvantage of being over protective. 

Might be the most awkward night. Lol 

How come this is a freaking reunion? Hahaha. 

I'm so drunk! 

Adults being kids. Again. Smh. 

Practicality over wants. 

Another night just questioning life decisions. 

Humanity. 

Distracting myself and just procrastinating by going back on playing Candy Crush. 

Here we go with your posts. Not sorry for no one wants to talk what more to listen to your bullsht. 

This month is so strange I want to end it already. 

When people don't see it, they don't appreciate it. 

Love and hate relationship with paperworks. 

As much as I love November and December, I think I will just let it be a normal one. #sadtruth

Random . September 2018

It's been a week since Jakarta. I miss it already. 

I'm somehow ready to write everything about Jakarta but my throat aches and cough. I've been too busy as well as soon as I came back early this week so I'll just rest then maybe on the next days I will be able to. 

One more lined up vacation this month. Hopefully it push through. 

11 days of jetlag shit and a little post concert depression. 

Arts + Friends. :(

Nashville is really one of the on-the-list-state-to-visit in the US. 

Oooppss. I also cut my hair. Yay. :)

Another quick hi-hello-bye. #21 091018

Shoot. I totally forgot the detour before leaving. 091118

3 weeks after the Paramore weekend and I'm just going to try to write that madness just now. I will try. 

Still on writers block but I'm missing one of my best friend tonight. Hi Pot, I miss you. 

I'm really having a hard time to let out my thoughts on all aspects. I'm trying this weekend so I'll have something for this month. I also need to let go of the Paramore experience since it's been a month!

Emotionally unstable. 

Done with writing about last month. 

Supposedly we should be out of town this weekend but really it's okay. 

Life.

You will be missed Tita Bing. Thank you, tita! Palawan visit will be different from now on. 

When I caught myself singing along very well on a new Avril song after few plays. Connection. Lol

Waiting but all good. 

The guy felt pressured after so long. 

Just like that I'm back in Palawan. 

Indonesia 2018 . Jakarta 2.0

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A post shared by Aivrin Villamayor (@aeivryn) on Aug 27, 2018 at 10:52am PDT

After Manila show, I was able to catch up with friends that I wasn’t able to meet since February and while they keep on sharing their SG experience and just really reminiscing what was just happened inside MOA Arena. We are just laughing the whole time. 

We separate ways at like 1am since I still need to get my things at my sister while Dex and Harry will be flying out on the night of the 24th, Ginnie will be my travel buddy again on this flight and we are staying together also with Diana. YAY! Diana was supposed to be on the same flight as ours so we can still explore Jakarta once again but there was a conflict so she wasn't able to make our flight but she will be on the same flight with Dex and Harry. 

Ginnie and I stayed at the airport from 2am and our flight was 8am. Ginnie and I are tired but nothing compared to Ginnie since she has been to Singapore then stayed in Manila for maybe less than 48 hours (not sure) then flying again to Jakarta. At least we have a free day before the concert although I somehow wish that I explore Jakarta that afternoon instead of sleeping. Lol but I still have to wait for Diana who will arrive at midnight and when she arrived at 2am, I didn’t sleep already. We catch up on a lot of things while Ginnie was sleeping. Diana was just telling me about their flight and on how she was able to talk to Dex and Harry since we weren’t really introduce each other in February since we are all exhausted. 

Plan is to leave our Airbnb and line up as early as possible. We are in the city, 1 hour away from ICE and we left before 6am.

PARAMORE LIVE IN JAKARTA - on a different post

After the show, we planned to eat at the nearby Mcdonalds but it was full and all of us were really tired already we all just want to sleep. We didn't eat up together and we are still going to travel for 1 hour to get on out Airbnb and we are trying Grab Food again but nothing so, I end up eating the bread from Family Mart while I browse my pictures and videos and while my 2 roommates went straight to bed. 

Slept at maybe 3 am and woke up lunch time while Dex and Harry were already on their way to pick us up so we can go to Monas. It was a Sunday and I really wanted them to experience Kota Tua but not enough time since original plan is to climb up Monas but it was closed then maybe another sight seeing but changes. One of the original plan was Museum Macan if Diana was on the same flight but no. Haha 

Dex, Harry and Ginnie will be leaving Sunday night while me and Diana will be leaving Monday morning and we asked them if they want to see the Yayoi Kusama exhibit at Museum Macan and they searched it and good thing they loved it. 

After Monas, we went straight to Museum Macan and we definitely enjoy the exhibit and after we separate ways since Diana and I will try to shop at Grand Indonesia while the three of them will be heading to the airport for their flight. 

We even bumped to Gilas players (Belga, Almazan and Trollano) at Grand Indonesia who was there for the Asian Games.

Diana and I really do bond this time, before when it was time to go home in Tangerang with my one hour travel from the city I really felt alone and lonely at my hotel room good thing we planned to be together this whole trip after doing a little shopping, ate at our favorite restaurant as last customers and we stayed at a coffee shop after just talking random stuff until we got home and it didn't end there! Haha I slept at 4am and she didn't sleep at all afraid of missing our flight. Haha

We left the Airbnb at 8am and had the best Grab ever. Hahaha what an experience!!!

We bought chocolates then had breakfast at the airport while waiting.

It was indeed a memorable trip. 

We ate early dinner when we got back in Manila and guess what I just poured a glass of pineapple juice on my shoes, good thing I was wearing Dr. Martens. Lol 

We didn't plan much on sight seeing for this trip since we already did that last time. Though we still wanted to see a different side of Indonesia, Yogyakarta to be exact but we don't have much time. 

My Photographs: Jakarta 2.0

Paramore Live in Jakarta 2018

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A post shared by Aivrin Villamayor (@aeivryn) on Aug 25, 2018 at 11:49am PDT

When we arrived at 7am at ICE, there are people who are already lining up but still good. We split up, Diana, Ginnie and I lined up for the ticket redemption while Dexter and Harry at the entrance.

So first, we have to change our online QR code for the physical ticket which is cute, btw. So, the ticket redemption booth will open 11am and we are already there at 7am (waited for 4 hours). After 20 minutes, we already got out tickets. 

We transfer on our spot at the entrance, where we met some of the people who Dex, Harry and Ginnie met in Singapore then we also met another Filipino who was beside me all along the whole show (Hi Mariae). 

We were at the entrance line at 11:30am until they opened the venue entrance by 4pm where we were burned up under the sun. Thankfully it didn’t rained and they gave us free water but no bathroom break!! We also did ordered via Grab Food with Mcdonalds but fuck no bathroom break since there were no portalet and we're about to explode!!! Even I was thirsty I can’t drink anymore since I badly need to pee. I even got tan lines just by lining up and we are already messaging the promoters so we can enter the venue early but nothing. 

Since they already posted instruction that open gate will be at 4pm where there is a very good air condition plus food stalls, bathrooms and the merch booth but they did let us in about 4pm then waited again and have free time to retouch, do make up, eat some food and lined up on the restroom then they let us in the pit at 5pm (waited 5 hours and 30 minutes just be at almost-barricade). 

Dang it. When we got there, I thought everything will be okay like we can literally stand there and wait patiently but while waiting for the show to start until the end of the show, we weren't able to have a mini-personal-space as in people are just pushing towards the front the whole time.

While we are waiting I literally slept for a few minutes even Mariae and Diana was able to take a nap while standing and not bothered if we are going to fall since we are in front and people are pushing us there’s no space to fall. Lol 

Kotak was the opening act and it was a local band and we literally didn’t understand a single thing but we were amazed on their performance but I really wish the vocalist have a guitar, so she will not just air-guitar the whole time. It was fun though we were hyped up for the main show. 

Then it was time for Paramore.

After the Manila show, I’m really looking forward to be dancing with my friends just like how we did in Manila but with no space really it was hard. Maybe its ok if we are really in barricade but were not and people are in front of us too and we don't want to push them or else they will crash. The worst, girls are the one who are not stopping on pushing, as in. 

Same setlist and I was able to sneaked in my camera since Diana have a big bag. Hehe and fck it, I got good shots!!!! 

The good memories are:

• Hayley saw me no doubt in that with Steal my Sunshine on my hair how come she will not recognize her own hair dye? Lol
• There are moments where I believe she looked at me in the eyes while she’s there standing in front of me singing. :( 
• I was literally at the middle right in front of her. (For the 2010 and 2013 show, I was always on the opposite side of Taylor. I told myself that if ever I'll end up on the side it should be on Taylor side but guess what, I was in front of Hayley!!!)
• I got good photos and videos but audio is not as good if you are near the stage

The bad ones: (I can totally rant with everything but I’m just keeping it simple)

• No personal space. Come on, no one will be stealing our spot just for the people at the back to be in front. We are good runners and we got friends and we will make that waiting game worth it.
• We weren't able to dance freely - no space!! 
• The crowd was freaking wild! I watched couple of live on Youtube but I don't see them pushing each other when they already got the spot. 

I can go on with all my rants but the root of it all was the space and girls who never end up on pushing, that's just it.

I watched different festival and artist on Youtube but never in my life that I will experience first hand where people will be picked up by security to be out of the crowd since they passed out. 

The first five song were intense. 

Crushcrushcrush was at the first five song and there was this girl beside Diana who was complaining even before the show starts then suddenly she was just “I can’t breathe” while she was just making her way to the barricade then she got picked up by security. 

Actually when Grudges started to play, I’m not sure if I will be able to hold myself up to finish the whole set so I did not really dance hard first since I also needed some air to breathe and calm myself, we waited for hours and I’m not going to let myself break down. Dex, Harry and Diana don't even have enough sleep and Harry wasn't feeling good since he got fever and waiting under the sun is also not good for him but we all know how to calm ourselves and we waited and we deserve this spot. Thanks to the security who was distributing water mid-show! 

Re-watching my videos and comparing the Manila show and Jakarta;

Manila crowd: We love you Hayley!! …. Return to your seats!!!! 

Jakarta crowd: ……. Hayley, water please! 

I was again being emotional when they sang Misguided Ghost and really tears in my eyes when 26 was played. Tears plus sweating, not a good combination. Lol 

I wish there were more small talks but when that girl started the pulling out by security in front of Hayley, they know that this crowd was wild. Taylor even rushing fixing his guitar while Hayley was started to do small talk but you will notice they are rushing to end this because there are couple of girls who are passing out the whole time. Even the one who was in front of us earlier that day was pulled out nearly end of the show because she passed out hanging on the barricade.

No space! We can't even properly raise our hands because for sure you can never put that arm down since, no space!!! 

Misery business came and if the girl in front of me, V (I think) wasn't in a Still-Into-You UNIF jacket then maybe I was able to do MizBiz. Lol

That moment when Hayley said “YOU” pointing at us but I knew it was V who will be picked up but really, I died a little and was stunned. I wish I was able to do it since I can be on stage, sing and hug and say hi to everyone on stage and to the crowd. At the same time, I don't want to since I will not be able to finish the whole set in front. 

The show went well, we are all dead hungry and thirsty and can't even walk properly after the show but it was fun. I'll do it again if ever but I’ll be much prepared. Hahaha. Though my friends said that they will not do it again in Jakarta. Hahaha

V, the one who was chosen in MizBiz was somehow in front of us too when we are lined up inside and she asked me if that’s Adora the MizBiz girl and told her yes. I was telling this to friends and Dexter said that my reply should be “and you will be next” lol as if we know!! 

(Silently fan-girl moment when I saw Adora and we have common friends now but we weren’t introduced properly. After the show there was a chance and a picture but dang so tired) lol 

After the show, I literally lost my friends and with signal being jammed, its hard to contact everyone. Mariae and I sit on the gutter while waiting for the others and after maybe an hour? We are complete. 

What an experience, it was my first time to be in front and to experience a wild crowd. 

And that's the Jakarta show.  


My Photographs: Paramore Live in Jakarta 2018

Random . August 2018

taken by Dexter

One of the most busiest month and surprisingly makes me excited. 

This month is all about music and friends. 

Movie date with Alaine. 

Buybust - a movie that I was so hesitant to watch but good thing I did and it's an eye opener for this country. Hope everyone who will watch it will keep an open mind. It's not just about the artist too, it's real issue for the past years. 

As far as I can I will really try not to post any political stuff. 

Almost done with all the things for the upcoming trip. Yay. 

Not a priority. Not even an option. 

Fcking hurts. 

When there's too much to write but it will be all bitterness and anger. :(

Surprisingly, even after years you really can't trust certain people. 

Can't wait to be back on home court and make new memories on the same day where it shattered me. 

I almost forgot how comfortable it is on a dentist chair. 

One more thing to book and we are all set for Indonesia 2.0. 

The cause of this delay is v unacceptable. 

Geez. Please. Not. Today. 

Very unbelievable. And. Nope. 

Will take years or even my own lifetime. 

Hello daddy. I still miss you everyday. 7 years. How am still surviving. 081018 

Halsey is amazing live. A must watch. 

I'm trying to write here on one of my favorite 24 hours fast-food but my head is hurting. Makes me want to go home right away. 

One question then he was already explaining everything. Haha. 

I turned off my messenger months ago but with this up coming trip, I somehow turned it on. Still avoiding Facebook most of the time. 

Been busy the whole week trying to finish all of my task before leaving for Paramore weekend. 2 shows!!!! 

One last chance for a meet and greet pass. #fingerscrossed 

Thankful for the guy as always. Criticising my idea and at the same time brain storming. It's been a while since we laugh so hard too. Hahaha. 

Should stay away from social media before I become hyper with excitement. Will just update one person who will never be annoyed and intimidate me. 

On the way to Manila. Have to passed by FEU to meet my sister. Yay. 

Morayta. Haaaay. I missed you. 

Almost barricade but it's such a classic move of MOA to have a seat at a rock show. 

What a show. Thank you Paramore. One more.

I wasn't able to update anymore after that last line but I had a great time with friends after the show in Manila and also in Jakarta and experienced almost barricade in Jakarta for the Paramore show. I cried and dance harder for the 2 shows. Will write about it soon.

We also got back home safe and sound but for sure we all have a post concert depression.

Back to reality. ‎