Butterflies and Ghost

02.17.2026

It all started of course by just a message from JT and the cousin wanted to get some new ones and asked me if I can go with her of course will I let it pass seeing JT without me getting any? Lol 

Not on my original plan but I still have some on my list but for an impromptu decision, I still want to think about it for me not to regret it. 

Good thing no one is on schedule today and we are on by 6PM and I still have some hours to think about what I’m getting or where to put them. 

- Butterflies 

For so long I’ve been eyeing butterflies for a reason of what happened in Palawan last 2024. For placement, I wasn’t sure where to but my left forearm still has some space so I want to fill those and it worked out perfectly. They’re so cute. 

- A rabbit being a ghost 

There’s an inside joke between me and someone about a bunny but then when I was looking up on Pinterest there’s the thought of “Death inspired me like a dog inspires a rabbit”. I quickly played heavydirtysoul by twenty one pilots and checked the lyrics. Now we have a new meaning for getting this rabbit. Why ghost? Misguided Ghost by Paramore. duh. Lol 

As usual I’m craving for physical pain once again and everything is like a perfect timing to get the tattoo. There’s so much meaning about it with my recent realization and break down. 

Also, I already saw the announcement of a music video for Drag Path, and I really don’t get hyped up about it because somehow I’m no fan of music videos and probably it’s just going to be a continuation of the lore. 

02.18.2026 - notification that the music video of Drag Path is released. 

MAIN CHARACTER - A RABBIT. 

“DEATH INSPIRED ME LIKE A DOG INSPIRES A RABBIT”. 

omg this tattoo, twenty one pilots. It’s just on the right track! 

Love my new stickers. They’re so cute too.

Minimalist for 2 hours

October 20 2023 

My tattoo artist is celebrating his tattoo shop’s 15th year and for the month of October he put up some promo where at some point he is also challenging himself. 

He messaged me about it early this month and since my aunt is having a plan to get a tattoo, I inform her about the promo and she’s down with it. 

JT and I are exchanging messages about his promo and when my aunt was finally decided, I scheduled us and finalize the date. 

His promo was, 2 hours tattoo time for as many as you can minimalist design only for a minimum amount not included the plotting of design and the break time. 

My aunt a first timer got 5 tattoos in total. 

I don’t really have a plan yet but I will not just accompany my aunt and watch when I can definitely max the 2 hours promo. 

Planning my tattoo are really one of the distraction that I have from this reality.

I don’t plan my tattoo overnight unless I thought of it for months also the placement 

I don’t really like the minimalist idea but availing this promo can cross half of my tattoo list, to be honest also I need to feel some pain to know I’m alive. 

So I got a lot and to be honest you can look at it and just think that probably there’s no reason behind it all but maybe only one person or two can know the real meaning without me explaining it. I also got 2 text tattoo that is literally so obvious why 

I’m thinking of not oversharing it in here this time because I just want to preserve the moment and the real meaning behind it but I can share the simple version of it or not. Lol

• Feathers 
• Sea shell - I love the beach.  
• Hourglass - Paramore song “Running Out of Time”
• Paw print - for my doggies 
• Pizza - I just love pizza
• Star - for Karlo (been wanting one for him because “star is blind”) also my 3rd star tattoo
• Heart - I just realized that this is also my 3rd heart tattoo 
• Mini skull and a rose 
• Brainstorm
• Ice Cream - the album cover of Crybaby by Tegan and Sara
• “This Is Why” - Paramore album
• “Be brave” - FEU (I’ve been planning to get a FEU related tattoo ever since. I planned on the year where we will be a champion on men’s basketball but then I wasn’t able to be there inside MOA Arena the day we crowned as champions in 2015. I got a new reason now, October 2023 when we beat Ateneo in the 1st and 2nd round of UAAP S86. Lol)

My time reached 1 hour and 40 minutes of tattoo time. 

I can do 2 hours but I honestly ran out of design at that certain moment but a day after, ideas are coming in again. Well, I still have a lot to be honest but as I search for them I just think of how cliche some of the things I wanted so I really have to think about it. 

So far this session cover the years that I didn’t have any tattoo and I dedicate this session to 2013 and 2017. Haha

I can do 4 hours tattoo time with my skull and snake but minimal ones are different really. 

In 2018, I did 5 in one sitting this year I did 13-16 depends on how you will count a 4 paw print, 2 feathers, and the 5 words. Lol

I’m really against of it becoming patches but it is what it is now and I can do another theme on my right arm. 

Treat yourself and get some tattoos. - 10.24.2023

 

Closure

 October 28 2022.

Booked my appointment October 23rd because I’ve been longing to have a tattoo for a while now. I’ve been hanging out with friends the past weekends that’s why I can’t schedule it much early last month. 

Booked the 28th just because it’s the last Friday, it was a long weekend, looks perfect to end October and maybe a closure on something. 

Originally I have couple of things that I really wanted to get. As my tattoo artist asked what it will be I just sent “happier than ever” text and the sunflower. Surprisingly I hesitated one of the original planned tattoo. I doubted and thought that at some point it doesn’t make sense anymore as I close one chapter of my life. 

I don’t want to regret it if I pushed it so for now I’m putting it on hold or maybe I will never get it anymore. 

One reason why I get tattoos is that when I need to be reminded that I’m still alive and feeling pain. You might not get it but yup it is so much deeper than what you think. 

~ 

I was doing last minute errands before the long weekend that day and I keep on reminding myself that I have a tattoo appointment by 7pm. It was raining that afternoon too but luckily it stopped that night or else I’ll cancel that session. 

I also wanted to get my 2022 tattoo, I’ll be busy towards the end of this year that I might not make it so I make it happen early or else 2022 might be skipped. October is also a month that hasn’t been good to me for the past year I just want to end this as a good one. 

~

The tattoos;

“Happier Than Ever” - by Billie Eilish, an album and a song. This album has been saving me from certain situations since it was release last year. I love love the album so much and the song of course. I was able to witness HTE tour (August 13 2022) where it was my first concert after years and had the worst PCD ever. Pour my heart out while singing along that night. 

I decided on the title since I can’t think of any symbol that can represent the album. I was also thinking of the name “Billie Eilish” but for now that’s too much. 

Now I can move on from my PCD and listen to other artist but from time to time I caught myself singing a song from the album. Lol 

Sunflower - I’m mesmerized by sunflower ever since I first saw one. It made on my tattoo list just to represent someone I never met. It finally made to the top list when M surprised me a bouquet with 3 sunflowers on it out of nowhere last July 14 (considered that as a peace offering). 

Tears in my eyes when it was being done. I got too emotional remembering how he surprised me that I was caught off guard that time. I wish everything went well. 

After it was done JT asked me if I want to add some shading on my baby cupcake, I don’t want to ruin or make much edit on the original sketch but I agreed on just the base of it. He making an edit to cupcake reminded me the meaning of the upper part of it. Putting light shades to the base makes me think that it was the struggles and challenges for the past years. Haay. I might spoil too much personal stuff. I need to stop. 

After it was done JT mentioned how there are still ink and that’s when it crossed my mind to add a little pencil. I let him decide on the placement of it. I still have small random things on my list but I’ll save that for another day. 

Pencil - started writing poems and love letters ever since 2016. I don’t usually use a pencil writing those letters but he loves to sketch. I can’t live without pencil at work too and I use them as long as I can hold it’s size. Makes me remember my dad as well. By the time he was doing it I was smiling because the pencil is so cute. 

Reminding myself to never stop writing whatever I want. 

Reminding me to always give justice to my other reminder “expression is survival”. 

~

I’ve been struggling the past days but I’m still going. Making things work even it somehow breaks me from time to time. I have to move because I know this world will leave me if I do nothing. 

I still make time for myself just to escape for a little while. Even though it makes me hate times where I feel like that my own feelings and issues shouldn’t be a priority as I have to put other people first. It feels like I don’t have any other choice. Sacrifices that I make that nobody cares.  

Sore to your eyes or not, judge me for wearing my heart on my sleeves. 

Painful Snake

 Story time but how to start? 

I will never let the year 2021 to pass without me getting a tattoo. 

After 2018, I finally committed to “at least one tattoo per year” but it seems that December will always be the tattoo month. Even December stressed me out lately and I’m slowly starting to hate it, I don’t have much time to unwind and mostly I’m out of ideas on what tattoo to get unless I like and need to get a specific tattoo then I will but not during summer season. 

A few days before Christmas I finally messaged my tattoo artist on details but this time I don’t have plans. I just want to get a tattoo and I need it before end of the year. I didn’t told him that though. Ever since I got the skull he already made it ready if ever we will plan to continue it and his few suggestion is a snake. I’m so looking forward to it since I’m currently obsess with snakes because of the reptile people on Youtube. Unfortunately even it is easy to have a snake, I’ll pass since I’m not sure how really to take good care of them and the weather in here is very different which at some point, they do adjust. 

I was born under year of snake, btw. Which at some point I want to relate on why I like snakes. 

I planned an alternative if ever I will not be able to do my thigh but I can’t plan a tattoo quickly because I don’t like to end up regretting it years later. I had few small pieces but I’m in doubt so, NO. One reason why I pushed the continuation of the skull. 

One more reason why I want to get a tattoo for now is to feel something. I’ve been struggling from here and there in regard of all aspects of life. 2021 was full of surprises and like 2020, it still control us even it started to loosen up. 

2021 throw me some things that I didn’t expect to happen and by almost the end of the year, I made one major life decision. 

I wanted to make sure that I can still feel pain. That I’m still alive despite of everything. 

Physical pain is nothing compared to emotional pain. Take note of that. 

~

We agreed on the snake idea and now, how to execute but JT sent me some ideas already but it’s hard to plan it on chat. 

 

Went there before 8pm and we start by 10pm. Ended by 3am.  

Brain storming for 2 hours doesn’t hurt.

I love it. Even I wasn’t able to take much pictures because it was the most painful tattoo to date! Haha I was holding tightly on that chair and I can’t look at it longer while being outlined or shaded. I was planning to read a book or write something while it was happening but no. Haha the pain gods wants me to really feel something since I asked for it. Omg. Now, I do have an answer to the question “what is the most painful tattoo”. Lol. 

Don’t be fooled, the skull was already 2 years old. 

Till next session! Which I don’t know when. Haha 

ps. Let’s consider this as my 2021 year end post because I wasn’t able to reflect on my birthday and I don’t have much time to compose another one to reflect this year. 

The One Who Always Disagree

 To the one who always disagree but at the same time a true fan, Mom this is for you.

"So this spiral, this is the golden ratio, and it's a mathematical pattern that just repeats itself in nature. In a flower petals, and honey bees and you know, the stars in the galaxy, and in every molecule of our DNA." - Cosima Niehaus | Orphan Black 

Luna

It was not a normal dream 

But you were there 

He was handling you to me

I’m not sure where you come from 

Probably somewhere up there 

I never forget 

Not sure if I will be able 

To meet you in my lifetime 

Whatever the answer

I got you, always 

12.29.19 19:40

Friday and the 13th

Ever since I got my mermaid scale in 2014, I already crave for another thigh tattoo but I was not sure on what to get. I’m confused on what to get and then I got something in my mind but I’m so not sure if its worth it. 2016 I got my cross which are known by few people. 

Fast forward to 2019 when I’m currently having 12 tattoos together with the last 5 that I got last December. I’m finally was able to add a thigh tattoo again. 

Ever since I was watching tattoos show in the states, and having the knowledge of the competition of tattoos here in the Philippines, I always wonder on what it feels like on having an on-the-spot tattoo where people are watching and all that. I’m not game to that but I’m just curious about it. I’m curious on artist when they ask on a post if who’s game to be a model for a tattoo that they want to do not particularly for a competition but also for their on benefit. 

If you ask me way back before if I will be game for such my answer will be no and that already changed. 

JT the tattoo artist of my brother as well as the one who is responsible for my last 5 tattoos posted on who are willing and available for a portrait tattoo and so many of his friends commented and I messaged him asking on what particularly his idea on this “portrait tattoo” I was so hesitant since when you say portrait for sure it will be a face of a person and I’m not really into that even when it comes to family. Portrait tattoos are not in my tattoo plans since I don’t want to regret that and I don’t like for it to look like shit years later. 

Weeks passed he wasn’t able to message me that I assumed that he was busy since he was posting some work until he messaged me weeks later. I saw his message and I didn’t open it, I was actually thinking of an excuse on why I don’t like to not until hours later one thing triggered the rebel in me that wanted to be reckless for a night. 

I asked him what’s on the table for this tattoo ideas, he was asking if I’m into anime or anything that will be under “portrait” category. I’m not into it I don’t even like having a face as a tattoo until he sent me bunch of photos and on of those was skull which is on my tattoo list for years.

Originally I wanted a skull and roses (I know, cliché). 

I’m not sure why I liked skull as a tattoo maybe because some of the artists/bands that I’ve been listening to have skulls on their merch or maybe my fascination about the series “Bones” or maybe it was because of the lyrics “I’m only human, I’ve got a skeleton in me”. Whatever it was, it’s not about the generic reason if you google the meaning behind a skull tattoo. 

So when I opened up to JT that skull-roses has been on my list, he showed me some ideas and he specifically say that he want to do something different than the normal skull-roses tandem and I get it its too common and as he explain what his idea on this skull-flower thing he specifically said that he wants a realism but he doesn’t like a skull tattoo that have a jaw (BOOM END OF THE STORY. LETS GET IT STARTED.) I showed him some sketch that I screenshot from Pinterest years ago, skull without jaws. The tattoo gods wanted this collab to happen. YES. 

I was there by 8PM. This whole collab discussion went for hours. We started by 11PM and I’m not so sure on what will happen or on what time we will finish. Reckless on a Friday night is the theme of the day. 

So the story behind the jaw was, basically when you see a skull tattoo it is always smiling. Weird that if you looked at it at any kind of skull it is scary and always smiling at you. Creepy. I also killed that idea when I saw jawless skull on Pinterest. 

Since I wanted it with a flower, he also suggested Peony (I ALSO LIKE PEONY!!!!!) maybe not this kind but still it’s peony!!!

He showed me this one picture where the skull grown another kind of flower inside it and that’s another idea for this. 

We are set.

As a person who respect artist of any kind I know that I should also listen to his idea and somehow suggest some things if I’m not into it that’s why it took so long before we started. I just made it clear that the main thing was a skull and a flower and I let him do the rest. Gave him the space on my thigh and I just let him do his thing. 

I almost cry on the process. 

I WANTED A 2019 TATTOO. 


MOSTLY. I NEEDED THAT.  


I’m sure some saw it already but I was wearing skirt for 2 weeks and I know people noticed (the skirt) but even I wasn’t dressing up nicely, fuck off I’m nursing a new tattoo. Haha

Today is December 10 (fully healed) and I haven’t posted about it unless people will stalk my Facebook profile but I haven’t told my friends about it, I’m not yet ready for the world to see it for now. Its not that I’m worried with their reaction or comment but I just want to keep this to myself for a little longer. Maybe I’ll be showing it off when people forget my 2-weeks-skirt-outfit or maybe when I’m just ready. 

My mom was as usual can’t get over it most especially when she saw that it was a skull. I was honestly having a little doubt if I did it right because I can’t get over with her reaction then privately I asked my nephew on what is the very quick reaction if people see skull and he said “death”. 

Maybe 2% of the reason was “death” but definitely there’s 98% different reason behind this and I can’t list it all. 

I agree to add up on this next time and obviously still far from over and I can’t wait but before finishing this up, I’m going to prioritize finishing my forearm and another wrist tattoo. 

Can’t wait.

Maybe I’m done with 2019 tattoo? Or not? Who knows. 


Btw. This took 4 hours (11PM - 3AM)

November 15 2019 - skull on a peony

Music and Tattoo

I spent a week at a Starbucks nearby just to collect stickers  for a friend. 

That's enough time for some barista to recognize me. 

The day before I completed the stickers, one of them asked me about my tattoos then he recognized the logo of Twenty One Pilots. Got my order then leave saying bye nicely. 

The next day he saw me again and I can tell that he couldn't help it but to ask why I got a Twenty One Pilots tattoo. He was asking if I listen to them and then asked me about my favorite album and I just said that I like all of them forgetting the albums at all. He was asking if Vessel was my fave and I said that it's the album before that. Until I got my orders and then leave again nicely.

-

It was a first for someone to recognize the logo and compliment about it later. I'm amazed but I will not get a tattoo just because I listen to a band. I have nearly 50gb of music on my phone and I will not get them tattooed on me for no reason. 

Why Twenty One Pilots?

Twenty One Pilots was there for me when I hyperventilate. The past couple of years had been very though and there are times that I thought I will never get through it. I had very high anxiety and sometimes panic attacks. When I'm having those and can't think straight, for me to be able to calm myself, I memorize the rap part of their song, to be specific it was Car Radio at first then the rest is history. 

Trench was released just months ago and until now, I can really relate to them and to some lyrics. 

I think being close to the age of artists that I listen, there are a lot in common. Generally on what we experience at this age. It's a though time to survive, you know. Takes a lot of courage to get through a day what more to our own lifetime. 

I honestly don't know how to react when people will start to recognize the logos but at least I know they're part of the few, the proud and the emotional. 

Patiently waiting for that Bandito tour. 

2018 tattoos

My last tattoo was in 2016 and ever since 2014, I told myself that I should have a tattoo every year no matter how big or small it is, I should have. Fast forward to 2018, I have to postponed everything since there's a concert craze and a lot of personal unexpected events. But I told myself that I should do it before 2018 ends. December 21 was perfect. 

My original artist was out of the country and I decided to ask my brother for his artist since I also know that he's good and also a good friend of Pao and Igin too. 

I didn't know he do freehand tattoo meaning, no stencil. It was a scary idea but I see his work too so nothing to worry but also my designs are not the usual and I have a quote to get, my question how he will do it. 

At first I just described how big it will be and where to. 

1 - Smiley tattoo. I got the idea from Cassadee Pope. I wanted for so long a smiley tattoo or a thank you tattoo just for everyone I will get to bumped on a daily basis that even I don't say anything, I hope the tattoo make them know that I smile (lol) or at least remind them to smile. A "thank you" tattoo is a little too much but I think I'm done with text tattoo. 

2018 was a very busy and it was a Paramore year for me. The real story behind the smiley is Fake Happy. On Cassadee the smiley is facing you but on me it was inverted, it's smiling to remind me to smile and it's okay despite of everything. 

2 - Expression is Survival. Hayley said it in one of the purest interview that she did and I agree to her. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by PARAMORE ITALIA (@paramoreitalia) on May 30, 2018 at 10:34am PDT

I thought of it very well in a way that it also apply to people with temper but this tattoo is not for those people. It is to do creative things and be productive on other things not doing some negative ones. 

I was into a lot the previous years and writing in here was surviving for me so when Hayley said that, I really relate to that. I don't mean to get it as a tattoo but the later part of 2018 was really challenging and really a lot of unexpected ones. Despite of those, I don't have much enough time to reflect and it feels like time was running out on me. The routine wasn't that holding me but everything is just too much all at once. This is another reminder tattoo to never forget to express on the creative side. 

Later on, they put the quote under Good Dye Young and it fits there perfectly. I knew that Hayley spend too much time on GDY if she's not doing music stuff and she was very open about it. It was her other side of creativity. 

3 - After Laughter logo. This is no brainer for fans but it's the logo from the album After Laughter. A fan found this that might be the reason behind the logo it's "Musical Illusion and Paradoxes". 

4 - Twenty One Pilots logo. Another no brainer tattoo for fans but the new logo of Twenty One Pilots. Since the release of Blurryface, I badly wanted to have a tattoo that will represent the band. Well, later in life it was a need than a want since their music and them individually is one reason why I can go on with life despite of what it throws. I originally wanted the Skeleton keys but Trench was recently released and I like it too (of course) but they also released the new logo so I just have to get it than the old logo. 

Who really listen to the band are the only one who will understand. Most especially from the music, every word is so important. I'm not sure if listening to it you will get the idea instantly but yeah give it a try if you're curious about me getting it. 

5 - Cupcake. My baby cupcake. For easy reason why a cupcake, I just tell people that it's a birthday cake. I recently celebrated my birthday so, that's it. Haha but really it's a reminder that every birthday it will be a new start. 

For the long reason, it's a personal sketch that I requested to M. It took some time for him to send it to me 2 months in the making or more but he send that April 2017 not sure when he really did it but I told him about it Feb 2017. The reason why is it like that? Well you can ask him but seriously it's too personal for us so you can just stick with the birthday cake reason. Hehe 

Will give you a little hint that I posted few days after seeing the actual sketch. 

View this post on Instagram

I want to post a sketch but I'm keeping it until who knows. Captured this yesterday when I realized it just looked like a specific part of the sketch even the clouds and the sky are the total opposite of dark and deep. Knowing the reason of every detail of that art, it was too overwhelming most especially if it was explained to you first hand.

A post shared by Aivrin Villamayor (@aeivryn) on Apr 15, 2017 at 9:14pm PDT

Later on I realized that the 2 logo are placed in a wrong area. Hahaha that was a regret but road to half/full sleeve here we go. I definitely forgot my thighs!!! Maybe that's one reason why freehand was a little bit scary. Haha. Can't wait to put something to incorporate with the logo. 

FYI, my mom freaked out about it but very proud the day after. Haha. 

Will definitely not let 2019 go without a couple of tattoos. 

Now what's next?

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