Crystal Clear

You fucking give me so much sign

That I don’t know what it means

One thing I’m sure

You are clearly reminding me

That you are thinking about me too 

I get that crystal clear

You owe me

Much explanation

For once give me a little longer

We both know that I deserve it

You can do it even in a single day 

But please make it much clearer

I’m already tired of the guessing game

09.21.2024 19:21 

Dark

 

You were my escape

You were the reason

For the smile

For the contentment

For the happiness

For almost positivity

In this lifetime

But then I lost you

In a snap

And everything 

Became dark 

Again

08.15.2024 04:54

Let Me Go

 

What if I’m ready 

To move forward

And you are the one 

Who’s holding me back

Even you ghosted me

Let me go

You’ve already been

Long time ago

Why still holding me

Until this day

 

07.23.2024 03:34

What Exactly

 

Do I ever want to see you again 

Just to regret it later

And what for

Blame you for everything,

Hurt you physically,

Hear an apology,

Get an explanation, 

Cry on your shoulder,

Beg for attention, 

Hurt myself more,

For me to believe 

Or to feel something

Once again

Or maybe just

For a simple closure

Was it really that necessary 

06.13.2024 / 04:41 

Back and Forth

On a random moment of a day

Somehow I caught myself stopping

Realizing how I’m moving without him

Then silently I wish he’s right beside me

Wishing that we are driving through

This life together

I still wish that somewhere 

Along the road

We were able to be together longer 

02.15.2024 00:48

Sentimental

I want to overwrite these feelings

And probably some of the memories 

That I’ve been repeating in my head 

Just so I can forget 

Seeing my memories from last year 

As well as the writing that I did 

Made every trigger in me to remember him

Probably a sign that I should take seriously 

To delete every memory of him on my phone 

So there will be no trigger again 

 01.12.2024 00:50

3 Months

Despite all the sad and happy moments

The last 3 months without you,

I'm still figuring out how to go on

Wishing you show up unexpectedly

Somehow wanting to call or text

But nothing

I think this is the longest of nothing

And it's just a start

Caught myself on random days

Revisiting a memory

Most days, I'm good

Getting used to days without you again

After years of having you or not really

For now, I'll count

Maybe until this year ends

Eventually I will stop 

Without even noticing 

09.29.2023 10:28

WRU

Where are you

Do I still want to know or not

Maybe not anymore

Since the universe tells so 

Maybe I just have to accept

That you went home to Bicol

For good and you will never

Coming back in Manila 

Maybe that's the lie

I have to believe

As part of closing

This chapter

Still processing it all

Hopefully I will fully accept 

As this year

In a few weeks

Come to an end too

11.13.2023 04:41

Save Me

 

I need you to save me

Wrap your arms around me

So I will not be bothered by them

Once again claim me as yours

And never let me go

With all the preys around

I don't want to be eaten alive

I only want you

But what if you don't want to

What if you don't like to 

What if you think it is not worthy anymore

07.20.2023 12:01

Red Light

I only love being stuck

In traffic with you

Feels like I win a lottery 

If the green light turns red 

Coz it means that 

We can spend

A little more time 

Which I crave 

07.01.2023 16:33

High or Low

 

I just want to be there whether

It is high or low or maybe

Even when there’s nothing to celebrate 

I guess that doesn’t matter to you 

You are still that super independent 

Who I knew back then 

As my mantra when we first met

If you don’t want me around you

Then I’m keeping my distance 

Even it sometimes hurt so bad 

05.22.2023 02:26

Pause or End

Fast forward to now, 7 years later

We haven’t talk much like before

For the past year already

I just want to believe that 

COVID fucked us up

Just like how it was for everyone else

And I’m still processing that 

Somehow I lost my alter ego,

My soulmate 

But now, I want to believe that 

You are starting to build

Something for yourself 

That’s why I have to let go

That’s why we have to

Maybe give this a pause 

Or end it 

04.22.2023 04:08

Tonight

Its raining tonight

And I’m missing you so much these days 

I try to imagine life events with you 

For me to fall asleep

But I just keep awake mostly 

I don’t want to imagine it anymore

I don’t want to be hopeful 

That there’s still chance for us 

I just don’t want to hurt myself anymore 

I don’t want to assume anymore

Its been years of hoping

And I’m tired of waiting

Waiting for the perfect time

The perfect moment 

Maybe it doesn’t happen

Because it wasn’t suppose to happen

Maybe its time for me to accept that 

There’s really no chance

Maybe our story really hit the end of it 

I’m in denial and avoiding this for awhile 

Even with so much tears

And with another heartbreak

Maybe its time to accept 

That this is over. 

04.13.2023 02:56

Wall

You said I was strong 

I’m afraid that it just making me so numb

Even I have tears from time to time

I know that I’m slowly building up that wall again 

Afraid that no one will ever try to break that ever again

Maybe this time I’ll make it a double wall 

You set a high standard for me 

Sadly you also set the lowest one

I miss you 

I love you still

To wherever this story will go

I hope by then

We are both ready

Mature enough 

To finally work things out

Sorry but I have to be careful 

Even from you

If you will ever try again 

Hit my walls harder by then 

 11.09.2022 01:54

Trippin’

I thought you will asked
For a late night drive 
To finally hangout 
Maybe to a random coffee shop
Even we don’t drink coffee 
Or on a 24 hour fast food chain 
Given the situation
It might not happen 
But I want that to happen
We both talked about such trippin’ 
I still wish you will 

… 07.20.2022 00:07 

07.14.2022

I opened the door

I was stunned

I, for sure didn’t move for a second

I was speechless 

I started to ask “why”

I want to take a picture

I can’t, I was shaking a bit

Sunflower - your grandma’s favorite, 

My first thought

I was puzzled

Sunflower confused me

 

The same day 

That I’m in doubt 

You will show up with flowers

You never did that before 

And I thought you will never

Am I whispering too loud 

That you were able to hear my doubts 

07.19.2022 23:40

Fragile

You are so fragile

I can’t hold you

I can’t even touch you

I can’t kiss you either

That even by looking at you

I’m not sure if you will be destroyed

Maybe even just talking to you

Might break you 

06.17.2022 02:22

12 16/17 2021

If it will never happen

I guess it wasn’t for us 

After all. 

12.11.2021 19:42 

July 21, 2021

I always imagined that you will be here anytime

That you will pay me some surprise visit 

That you are already parked outside 

On your usual spot 

Where I will feel so excited

Even if it will be just a quick one

Even you will just annoy me 

07.21.2021 22:38

2 months

 

Most likely I’ll just guess 

Maybe go with my gut feel

Whatever it will be 

Whenever it will be. 

Waiting game. 

This is not the best off days, tbh

This is one of the longest

 

07.12.2021 12:22