Random . December 2023

Please be kind. 

My feelings are valid I know that but at the same time, I can’t make it as an excuse to other people because it is not valid. 

Some things are just out of my control. 

I guess there’s no zombie apocalypse happened overnight. 

This is me asking for help 

3 years ago today, I made one of the best decision ever. #lasik 12.01 

Weekend Mcdo craving is real. 

Bleached my undercut and a little some more 

This week my sleep schedule was a mess 

Remembering that dream and trying to figure out the meaning brings tears to me eyes 

CHAMFEUNS - #UAAPCDC2023 

I didn’t checked my rings before removing my watch and I wasn’t able to close my exercise ring. Clearly I’m not on the right track these days 

I can’t tell you everything so I just lie 

I hope one day I will still be able to enjoy the holiday season and this like in general 

I think this is the first time I’m listening to Hayley’s solo project with earphones and it is blowing my mind 

Uninterrupted yoga session but my mind is betraying me 

Such a mess. Everything is behind on the usual schedule and I’m fucked up 

How to survive today

Can I hide forever

I want to watch the game on Wednesday but I know the real struggle of scoring tickets so I’ll just let the idea go and just be #teambahay and give the opportunity to the real fans and hopefully they will be inside the arena. #UPfight 

#UAAP Wednesday is something to look forward until then I’ll just choose to exist despite of everything that stressing me out. 

Can you just compose a reply without asking me? I’m sure you can state the obvious

Eliminating some stress triggers 

It might be the same person but never the same in terms of attitude which can be better or worse 

Uh no, I got problem with balancing today but still a successful workout

I thought I can read while waiting. Looks like it is hard to read poems in public because I may not truly understand it 

The one you thought will fix things also the one who ruined it more. As always you are accountable for all of it. 

Yay! Pencil’s new tip is here and it is working smoothly again. 

Congratulations, UST Lady Tigresses! So happy that I was able to witness your finals journey 

Working while watching an intense Game 3 Finals 

I knew it, Congratulations La Salle! 

DLSU-UP Game 3 even set a new crowd record in Araneta that broke NU-FEU game in 2014. 

When everything comes with a price tag

I don’t like to interact with people who gossip with people they don’t know in public which are also whiners 

When everything you touched now is damaged as fuck 

First weekend without UAAP. 

Taking some rest on a Sunday because I’m aware that I needed that 

It is raining

Finished my 10th book this year! 

I didn’t sleep well or I’m just half asleep the whole time 

Since I think I’m half asleep last night, I’ll just work tonight so I will be so tired in an hour or so 

Schedule ruined so let’s twist it even more

Face your fear they say but what about the triggers of your anxiety?

IG spam as to catch up on some life events this year after not posting anything a whole year. 

Got a notification about the PBA game of San Miguel and Brgy. Ginebra and it’s already at the half of 3rd quarter. So good to see players we watched then at the collegiate but mostly so nice to see TR play again after a while. 

“You don’t feel a sense of any victory when you win because the process is so dehumanizing” - Taylor Swift | Miss Americana 

If you are asking how I can sleep at night, well I actually can’t sleep most nights

I don’t want to cry because that will not solve anything 

“Talk is cheap” Kourtney 

In a very bad state if my insomnia is back and I’m still wide awake at almost 6am 

Somehow years I ago I learned that no one will save you 

Please text because I’m scared of unknown numbers and there’s 3 calling me today and it’s not for a parcel I’m waiting 

Now that I don’t have anything hiding in one of my drawers, I badly need melatonin 

Going to gatherings where your trigger and your bully is also present is basically suicide might as well stay away 

The aftermath of leg day 

Don’t fucking do it. Just don’t. 

And we might not attend all the family gatherings this holiday season. 

As if it is just as easy

Not a day to have my eye checked. Lol 

How people get angry and just go home like nothing happened 

Headache. 

I’m so close on having an attack. I’ll try to calm my nerves

Thankfully no more headache this morning. 

I’m not surprised that you only did it just once or twice 

1 year with my iPhone 14 Plus 

I guess no off days 

SO FUCKING TIRED AND DRAINED

God bless my anxiety and trauma self 

End up attending gatherings. Merry Christmas. 

Too much notification give me anxiety too. 

Birthday is over and as much as I want to reflect on my whole year, we still have things to do. Thankful no matter what with everything 

I’ll be kind to myself and so I’ll just read tonight and do the work tomorrow

Excuse me. I do know what im doing. Wtf for confusing me. 

Wasted a day now im somehow running out of time. Lol

Now what to do. 

When we will be the time where we all have the luxury to rest during end of the year craze. 

Pilates for today before the world kills me 

I will not question anymore if I will survive this year but I will be able to end it on a good note? Maybe not. 

You finished one and here comes another. 

FUCK 

That kind of silence that is deafening. 

2023, thank you for the life lessons and the ocean size of anxiety 

Random . November 2023

 

I finally revisited my concert and even my basketball tickets even some years are missing and I don’t know where did I put them. 

Believe is such a strong word

Do I still need a closure when the universe already decided for me that I shouldn’t know the ending

Some things are hard to accept but eventually I will 

Running out of nice words to use so you will get it and not offensively

Been so extra sleepy these days 

Im so game to not finish #BigLittleLie but upon researching, maybe it will be exciting so I’ll just finish the series

Running to you has been my daydream lately

1 point loss always hit differently. #UAAP

You will always be accountable for all of it. Forever. 

Just rewatched Friends: The Reunion

Happy Birthday, Daddy. I miss you everyday. 

Happy Birthday, sis. 

Uninterrupted yoga will always be my favorite

I’ll be in Cubao in hours and that’s making me anxious. Idk

Finally decided to get my laptop fixed today and thankful that I didn’t leave it there and I just waited in less than an hour for it but dang that was expensive shit. 

Reunited with the bro after a year to watch a basketball where we are not sure if we will win anyway. Haha // and we are out of the chance to get that final spot for the Final Four 

Somewhat lost on what to do today just because how expensive I spent and because I have my laptop all day and I’m hanging out with friends on a weekday which I think I don’t deserve anyway.  

Then the bro and the dudes are complete after a year 

Gateway is so pretty now. 

We got a place to stay now in Cubao. Congrats bro! 

Back at home at 2am and my laptop is so pretty. Huhu It is finally working fully again after black screen for 3 years. 

Back to reality. 

So fucking tired to fix someone else's mistake. FUCKING TIRED. 

Having so much thoughts about things today that I wish I can instantly write it all down. I need some uninterrupted time to write. 

Totally forgot how convenient having a laptop. Huhu

I can’t use my personal issues as an excuse to anything and to anyone, it’s unacceptable #mysadlife

#dream Watsons shopping with Kitpol 

I just want to let go of all this feeling and put it on paper because my mind is going to explode 

I can’t even look at my own pictures because of this anxiety I’m having 

So random but made my morning. Khae randomly messaged me about the movie Monk and she said that we used to chat about it during college which I can’t clearly remember. When I first saw it I don’t know who to update about that. 

Facebook is such a dangerous place 

Decided to factory reset my laptop. Thanks Youtube! 

I envy a lot of people right now

Procrastination at its finest that I forgot how to multitask the past hour 

So hard to pretend that everything is okay and that I’m happy. I miss being genuinely happy. 

Need to hide my candles

Hello trauma, don’t eat me alive today until forever

I’m just so tired of everything

You guys are so lucky to not be struggling 

Everyone is in Hong Kong and I’m missing it right now 

I think I’m not seeing friends today 

Reading Matthew Perry’s book which I currently relate at some point

Always lost in dreamland

“Ask for me, I was just grateful to have made it one more day. When you are the bottom, the days are longer. I didn’t need an Oscar, I just need one more day.” - Matthew Perry 

“Addiction is like the joker. It just wants to see the whole world burn.” - Matthew Perry

Baby sitting

My obsession to have a table in my room continues after not thinking about it for months. Here we are re-arranging stuff at 2am on a weekday. Lol 

When you think everything is okay today and one text ruined your whole existence.  

Times like this you just want it to be over whatever and however it will be. 

Just want to punch something / someone right now. 

If I don’t text back it means I don’t have any nice things to say. 

Thank you for ruining this day and adding pile shit to my anxiety. 

I don’t have all the answers in this world. 

My loyalty seems like a bad habit

I need all the sleep I can get before doing the most draining work 

Days like this, I really can’t handle it all. Send help. / How to handle all these things all at once. 

How to be in different places at the same time 

Here we are procrastinating 

Finally, crying 

Deadlines. Who’s gonna die first? 

#dream . A double decker bus but here? How and when 

I haven’t asked it out loud but I screamed it in my head while crying. 

Watching Finals Game 1 of Women’s basketball. #UAAP

UP!!!! #UAAP Finals Game 1 (men’s) 

#dream planning a Malaysia and Singapore trip. When 

It isn’t Friday yet? Huhu

Didn’t workout on my usual schedule and I think my day is already ruined by that and I just want to rest all day. 

What to do 

How will you convince people to trust the process when I’m also having doubts about it

I envy you if you are not being bothered by the number of unread messages and emails on your phone. How to be unbothered. 

Bye November.