Random . December 2017

Hello favorite month! It's not going to be easy I hope I will not hate you. 

What a way to start my favorite month. 

Another one. It's so frustrating. 

Thank you dad's friends I wish my dad was able to reminisce with all of you. 

Some people doesn't really know how to be sneaky. 

Why do you have to be so shady. 

I'll get to see college friends in 10 days! :D

If you are a close friend, you know that we shouldn't talk on comment section most especially if it's something personal. You know how to contact me why you make it look like you don't know. 

This is a place where patience is tested. 

Another place where my personal patience is being tested. I just have to whisper, f. 

I'm waiting for you to argue with me but why are you choosing not to? Distance is nothing on this high tech Era. 

Left for a quick me-time in the city. 

I was able to squeeze a work while on the road! Yay. So proud. 

Last minute shopping, success. 

I knew it will not rain. Why did I still brought my umbrella. Lol

Thanks home court, I'll see you again soon.  

Let it be a distraction in my head. 

It's just too frustrating when it's already obvious but still you chose to not understand. 

You're definitely one of them. Lol 

Poor kid. 

Recalling all of it makes me cringe and it's becoming another batch of nightmare. 

Thank you home court for the comfort despite of me being stressed with my work load baggage. 

Huhu. I can see signs that I'm about to break soon. it's just too much lately. 

Yeah I know, I don't want to complain but it's pretty draining. 

Unfortunately, everything is still not enough. 

Catching up with some college friends that I haven't seen since 2010 / 2011. 

Such a blast out of town weekend trip with college friends. 

Frustration to the highest level. 

Still surviving even there are times that I'm about to break. 

Test of patience and I'm about to burst. 

You don't have any idea what I can do from midnight to 4am. 

You think you can stop me? Of course, not. 

Merry Christmas. 

It's just the 26th and f I'm starting to get emotional. 

I think I should go offline until after the 27th. 

I want to write something but dang, emotionally shit at the moment. Too fragile. Haha. Happy birthday, self! I'm so proud of how we survived 2017. 

Thank you, M.  

I was able to survive today after all the tasks. 

Lol. I was busy af that I wasn't able to get online and thank everyone who greeted me so I just liked all of the greeting. Hahaha but I appreciate it, thank you. :D

Fam bam.  

I may not be able to sum up this year in one post since I don't have time for it already but thank you for another set of roller-coaster ride in life 2017. 

Thankful for everything. 

Hello ‎2018!

Quick Getaway

About last weekend.

A post shared by Aivrin Villamayor (@aeivryn) on Dec 22, 2017 at 8:57pm PST

It's not really a getaway but it was planned months ago since a friend in college was about to get married.

It was a busy month (geez for all the post I'm doing busy is one of my always reason) lol

To be honest, even I'm already sure of going, I was about to back out last minute and I'm happy that I didn't back out.

If I was about to somewhere, I always tell myself that I shouldn't regret that decision most especially if it was full of fun. So much debate on my head whether to push this through or not but one thing is that, I wasn't able to see the people on the picture for 6-7 years!

I was nervous at first since I haven't seen them since 2010/2011 and it will be my first trip without my dude! how am I able to survive that's one of my question but I did and I really enjoyed that weekend.

Personally, it was a challenge since I was about to attend a wedding and how on earth to pack light when you're attending such event? but I did pack everything on my backpack with a blower and a hair iron in it! yay! It was a success and I'm so proud with that.

It was also an adventure most especially looking for place to rent at 5am. Olongapo is a familiar place since I've been there before and going back for a quick weekend with friends is an unforgettable one. Hopefully, I will be able to see them again soon not after years. :)

Congrats Faith and Fitz!


thank you to the friendly staff of http://www.thepalmtreeresort.com 

On Repeat . Before the Babies

Before the Babies by Cheats

This is on my on repeat ever since I got it last week when I came back from Subic and I love this album. 

I was about to attached the album from Spotify like what I usually do lately but it wasn't available there yet also on iTunes but you can check their Facebook and maybe some videos on Youtube (some vids down below). I pre-ordered it as a bundle together with the first album since I haven't got that yet and now I have it! yay!

Tracklist of Before the Babies:

1. Printers

2. Glassmouth

3. Crumble

4. Talk

5. Ringer

6. False Alarm

7. Beg

8. Melon

9. Before the Babies

twins.

A post shared by Aivrin Villamayor (@aeivryn) on Dec 19, 2017 at 3:10am PST

Don't dare to ask my favorite from this album. haha but here's the some released videos

Not So Fragile

Why do I always forgot to chill?

I'm so used to have a very fragile day every 27th of December but once I was out there today, it totally disappeared. I already accepted that I can't have a me-time today since there's a lot in my to do list most especially this week so, I really convinced myself to play it cool even it was hard at first.

I'm not as emotional as I was before maybe because one of the lesson this year and I was able to apply is it to be chill at all time. lol (even on the last hours of today, I really tried!!!)

I disabled my Messenger notification because I don't like responsing as fast as they sent that message. I don't like the effect of social media on me most especially today. Thank you Facebook people for being a keyboard warrior sending me birthday greetings and spreading the message that other people should greet me too. lol (I really hate that)

For a few years now, I don't look forward to gifts anymore because as we all employed people know, we can buy treats for ourselves once in a while for the whole year. Maybe the thing that I was looking forward to are the "Christmas miracles" it's not because I was super duper busy for the past months, sometimes it's just the family time.

Same as today, I don't really look forward to any material things just a good me-time or family time since most of my friends are not in Manila. We will do a late celebration for sure (fingers crossed for this because it will be super duper late celebration).

Anyway, since I turned off all my social media notification most especially Facebook I will just response to all of you in a few minutes or hours. lol It was refreshing to stay away from social media most especially today.

Thank you to everyone who knows my birthday by heart (as always) or by seeing it on other people's post, thank you.

To the very chill person I know, thank you! I really appreciate it hope you didn't get a flat tire! :D


And if you're one of the people I'm celebrating this day with, happy birthday to us! <3

Nobody

Same fast food chain, same table but for sure a different chair where I wrote something serious before that I don't remember and surely a different mood this time maybe better than before. 

It's gonna be a super duper long and busy week before next weekend and as much I want to fast forward to that, I need more than 24 hours to finish everything before that. 

I'm here at home court trying to squeeze some me-time after weeks of being super busy and it still not yet over until the end of this year. Year end are usually busy times even there's bunch of holidays. 

Thankful to discover that one of my favorite mall is until 12mn for weeks. I love late night and last minute shopping I hope there will be a 24 hours mall or at least until maybe 3am that will be nice. 

As much as I can avoid #mantra I enjoy being a nobody in the city, it's one of my favorite things. I even find myself not using my earphones just to hear the unusual surrounding. I'm sick staying in at home town the past months because I've been seeing things that is so negative that it affects my point of view of hometown. Most especially I literally don't have me-time unless times like this that I sacrifice some things just to have it. 

It's nearly 2am on a Saturday and I'm still out here even I'm sleepy already. I love passing by and stay for a while at home court. It's a different feeling here, this is home to me and I shared a lot of memories here with friends and even alone, I stay here. 

I'm trying to avoid writing a lot of personal experience lately since I'm super duper busy and it has been a pure test of my personality and capabilities in general. I know some people just see the outside but battling with a lot inside me is a different story. Seeing two side and being on both is such a huge shit of learning experience and sacrifice. Talking about being 2 person everyday. Lol

Sacrifices, one day it will be worth it. 

I'm not sure when to publish this but one thing is I'm sure, all my drafts will be up before the end of the year. I want to start next year with new posts. Maybe I'll publish this before my birthday. Yay. 

On my random post for this month, I really wish that I will not hate my favorite month and try to stay positive despite of being super busy. Geez you don't have any idea. Haay. No complaints because I'm learning. Adulthood as they say. 

Despite of the busiest months of my life, I would like to thank the people who guide me with everything most especially at work. To my mom for understanding, our dogs for the love. To the people who put 110% trust in me since day one (always bringing me in tears). Thank you. I will choose a date when to schedule this post and if I'm back on the real deal before that, I will be so relieved.

Lastly I would like to thank my guy for unending love and support. I know we both are busy but it never gotten between us despite of my moody days, thank you for always reminding me to chill.

I love it here and it's also good that I drop by in here every now and then because if I'm always here, for sure I will hate this place too. Thankful that I got a home out of hometown. 

I'll see you again soon home court, hopefully I will not be teary-eyed when I'm getting away from you this time. 

120917 0208

Just One

First and foremost, I'm sure you will not find this unless I will send you a link but I don't do that. I don't mean to hurt you but it's so sick to see how you handle things but we have our own way so if this is you handling things, ok. 

When you are too far, do you really have to distance yourself more?

On this high technology era we all have right now, physical affection is tested but distancing yourself more is a different story. 

Not judging you with what you've done but I just can't take the fact that you are literally detaching yourself more when you're already far. You know better. You know us. You know how to talk to us. Why hesitate. 

I also can't handle the fact that with such simple trip will pissed you off so bad and still I find it funny. 

I can't handle the fact that you can just throw everything away no matter what we've been through. 

Why. Just why detached. Why are you so shady that I think I don't know you anymore. 

I remember the day you left, I got a lot of realization with life in general. Still hitting me until today. 

If you feel lost why detached and literally cut off everyone? You can't find what you're looking for if all you think is cutting off the ties. I myself lost for handful of times but I guess I just really know myself that's why I know how to handle such thing. 

I'm forever here for you even you chose to detached and be pissed off but I can't do anything if you will literally cut it from where we left off. 

I miss you everyday and that doesn't change since the day you left but it's your choice and I respect that. Even it means I can't have someone who I can call for an impromptu dinner date in our beloved hometown every other night or every weekend or even every night. 

I know we both changed and we grow up individually but I still believe that whatever will happen in our future, we're still one of those people who got a sister from another mother. (I wish I'm right at this) 

Wishing you luck on finding yourself as you claimed that's lost. I hope you will know yourself better and whatever adventure you want to experience, enjoy. 

Just remember we do make our own choices and we should know how to deal with its consequences. But don't make major decision most especially if you're not emotionally stable. I wish you happiness with all your doings. 

Just one last advice, talk. 

Leaving

After a month, I was able to have time with Gem and somehow a me-time. 

Feel so good to escape hometown for few hours and rest my mind from all the responsibilities. Seems like I already adjusted even I'm still not but today, I chose to go out there. 

Of course I should visit home court before going home but as it is time to go home, I felt so sad. 

Every step I make while walking away from home court feels like I'm leaving a piece of me in there. When the jeepney started to move away from the city, I felt tears in my eyes. 

It just hit me hard that hometown doesn't feel like home anymore. 

I already felt it before but now it's different because of what happened on my jeeptrip. 

I asked myself why am I feeling this way. Is it the people? Maybe. Is it because I'm staying in too long? Maybe. Exhausted? Maybe.  

There are a lot of reason why I think I'm in tears right now while lying in bed and typing all of these. (yep. that bad)

What if I live in the city and leave this town behind, will I be happy? Everything in here feel so strange lately. 

Geez self, we really need some time away from here soon. Sunrise, sunset, clouds, sand and the open sea, I'm craving for you. 

I guess I should still be content with the same outlet for now. 

1112‎

Cry Baby

I cry when I'm hurt  

I cry when I'm angry 

I cry when I'm happy  

I cry when I'm sad 

I cry when I need to cry

For a couple of times a year, there will be a situation that I feel so emotionally attacked. When it happen, I can't fight back strongly as a lion instead I cry and hyperventilate. 

Thinking will come sooner and realization will be insanely depressing and inspiring at the same time. 

For some people it's normal, there will be a person who is like me that will just cry on everything and will be able to make up our minds after an ugly cry. 

Though I still ask myself why am I being a cry baby most of the time my answer will always be, I'm too sensitive.

Staying In

The idea of staying in hometown sounds very bad news to me after feeling stuck for a while but just right now, ideas are striking in my head and maybe this is the first of many. 

Gem asked for dinner Friday night and I said yes but she cancelled last minute and since I'm in a middle of strictly budgeting, I decided to stay at home even I'm so surprised that after a long day I was still energized. I was planning going out on Saturday but things aren't working well together and there's a bit of raining so I took that as a sign to stay in. I want to chase this local film but since I will be extra busy for the next days, I think I'll let it pass. 

I was trying to arrange on how will I make things work for the next days and it makes me excited, nervous and overwhelmed at the same time. I will be superhuman and I'm not complaining since it's challenging my time management and my organized self. 

Hopefully my ideas will be written not just this one since there's a lot of realization and I'm so f overwhelmed. 

1001 0346

UAAP S80 . Men's Basketball Champion

Congratulations to Ateneo!

It's really hard at first to distance myself from basketball games most especially it's UAAP season but I was able to detached at some point. 

There was a chance for us to be in the Finals but then we fell short and it's not for us. 

After Ateneno beat us during Final 4, I want them to win instead of DLSU. 

what if it turned out very differently where Adu defeated DLSU and we defeated Ateneo? Ahhh. It will be 2011 time. Yesss. Hahaha. But it's not for both of us, obviously. 

I think everyone agreed that there is no better Game 3 than what we all experienced. 

On my part, no matter what season it is, it's always a treat to witness a game between FEU and ADMU during elimination through the end. 

Even I wasn't able to be updated most of the time about the basketball season, I knew this is one is an unforgettable one. 

Congrats again, Ateneo. 

Random . November 2017

Opportunity to write. Let's do this. / fail. Lol

There's too much drama with my friends lately. 

Finally I was able to finish Stranger Things 2.

Don't hate what you don't understand. 

Watching UAAP from home and I realized I'm missing home court so much. 

Geez. I miss watching live basketball. 

You will never know how it works if you're just watching. 

Good job, self. 

Finally. Going out of this town for me-time. It's been super duper over due. 

When hometown really doesn't feel like home anymore. 

In tears while leaving the city. 

Is changing a choice? If yes, I think you can change without leaving people behind why not bring them with you on your journey of changing for the better. 

Everything will be okay, self. First things first. 

As if you ride the mrt. 

At least take good care not feed bullshit. 

I don't want to deal with people today. Can y'all back off for today? 

I like long route. 

I'm trying not to stress with everything but here you are putting more pressure. 

Missing a lot of things but I'm not the complaining type. 

Geez. Just f admit everything. 

You don't need to detached from the past just to look for yourself. 

I have free time to write but my thoughts are so cluttered, I don't know where to start. / will not force myself to write with just this free time that I have. I'll just fix my Tumblr. 

You don't have any idea on how long I can seat here and just wait for my turn. #chronicletrip

4 hours of waiting somehow gone into waste but such down time is okay despite of it all. 

Let's go back to reality. 

When you want to ask questions but seems inappropriate. 

When hometown being busy today, I like it. 

I don't complain but doesn't mean I don't cry. 

I want to chase my dad in dreamland. 

Luna. #21

It's already too much. Just please leave me alone. 

Staying offline because tons of things to do so little time. 

Let's face this stressful day. 

When the universe is reminding me to chill. 

Podcast for a change. 

My brain is shifting so fast. 

Sometimes it's  funny but mostly annoying when they don't know shit. 

On Repeat . Fake Happy (Video)

Fake Happy by Paramore

Can we all just give a round of applause for Zac Farro for a wonderful music video? Yes? OK! 

I can totally relate to this music video the way she dances while on the streets of NY, I do that just when I'm alone.

Some people will say that this is just an ordinary music video but as I know Paramore as well as the Parafam, this is not just an ordinary music video.

The last part of the video, is EVERYTHING. 

I love making you believe
What you get is what you see
But I'm so fake happy
I feel so fake happy
And I bet everybody here
Is just as insincere
We're all so fake happy
And I know fake happy

So I've been doing a good job of makin' 'em think
I'm quite alright, better hope I don't blink
You see it's easy when I'm stomping on a beat
But no one sees me when I crawl back underneath

If I smile with my teeth
Bet you believe me
If I smile with my teeth
I think I believe me

Oh please don't ask me how I've been
Don't make me play pretend
Oh no, oh what's the use
Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too

And if I go out tonight, dress up my fears
You think I look alright with these mascara tears?
See I'm gonna draw up my lipstick wider than my mouth
And if the lights are low they'll never see me frown

If I smile with my teeth
Bet you believe me
If I smile with my teeth
I think I believe me

Oh please don't ask me how I've been
Don't make me play pretend
Oh no, oh oh what's the use?
Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too

I know I said that I was doing good and that I'm happy now
I should've known when things were going good that's when I'd get knocked down

Oh please, just don't ask me how I've been
Don't make me play pretend
Oh no, oh no, oh what's the use?
Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too

Oh please
Oh please

Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too

On Repeat . The Con X: Covers

Tegan and Sara Presents The Con X: Covers

I was looking forward to this when it was first announced since The Con is my favorite album of Tegan and Sara then the artist who will be doing covers are announced too and it was perfect since some of my favorites are covering songs. I do listen to PVRIS, CHVRCHES and of course, Paramore so pretty much I love this already even it wasn't released yet but I was looking forward on how they will put their style on a Tegan and Sara songs.

Upon listening to the album, the whole thing isn't that bad. I sometimes prefer a cover over an original song but this is a balance of all sorts, I like the original and same with the covers. 

This album is refreshing too. 

On Repeat . Nineteen

Nineteen by Tegan and Sara (Hayley Williams of Paramore cover)

I felt you in my legs
Before I even met you
And when I laid beside you
For the first time
I told you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
I was nineteen
(Call me)
I felt you in my life
Before I ever thought to
Feel the need to lay down
Beside you
And tell you
I feel you in my heart,
And I don't even know you
And now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
Now we're saying
Bye, bye, bye
I was nineteen
(call me)
I was nineteen
(call me)
Flew home,
Back to where we met
Stayed inside
I was so upset
Cooked up a plan,
So good except
I was all alone
You were all I had
Love you
You were all mine
Love me
I was yours right
I was yours right
I was nineteen
(call me)
I was nineteen
(call me)

Stranger Things 2

Anyone not watching Stranger Things?

Just like anyone else I so love the first season then they got renewed for the second season and I did patiently wait for it too!

I wasn't able to binge watch it the day after release because of priorities then real life is happening so I'm pretty much a week late to the hype but I made sure that I made some free time before another busy week and all the intriguing gif are always on my timeline everywhere! Who doesn't want to give some time for it, right?!

SPOILERS .... I might ... trying not to spoil anything ...

 I read on twitter that we should skip the first 6 episodes and go straight to episode 7 but to me some of it make sense maybe not all of it since you should watch episode 7-9 continously. I still like how it was done but I hope some episode gave us more information or they should put 10 episodes!

and why Bob?



by the way, DUSTIN IS SO CUTE .

Mike: Set it on fire.

Dad Steve: THAT'S A NO. pic.twitter.com/NToFmKl4oW

— Stranger Things (@Stranger_Things) November 5, 2017

Look at these sweet sweet Halloween boys. pic.twitter.com/8pYp5KOB3S

— Stranger Things (@Stranger_Things) November 1, 2017

On Repeat . Looking For An Answer

Looking For An Answer by Linkin Park

There's an emptiness tonight
A hole that wasn't there before
And I keep reaching for the light
When I can't find it anymore
There's an emptiness tonight
A hand he held that pulls me down
They say it's gonna be alright
But can't begin to tell me how

And I ask myself out loud
Have I been lost all along
Was there something I could say or something I should not have done
Was I lost all along
Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one
Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one

Is there sunshine where you are
The way there was there when you were here
Cause I'm just sitting in the dark
In disbelief that this is real
Disbelief that this is real

Have I been lost all along
Was there something I could say or something I should not have done
Was I lost all along
Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one
Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one

And I ask myself out loud
Have I been lost all along
Was there something I could say or something I should not have done
Was I lost all along
Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one
Was I looking for an answer when there never really was one

On Repeat . Passionfruit

Passionfruit by Drake (Paramore Cover)

Listen, seeing you got ritualistic
Cleansin' my soul of addiction for now
Cause I'm fallin' apart
Yeah, tension between us just like picket fences
You got issues that I won't mention for now
Cause we're fallin' apart

Passionate from miles away
Passive with the things you say
Passin' up on my old ways
I can't blame you, no, no
Passionate from miles away
Passive with the things you say
Passin' up on my old ways
I can't blame you, no, no

Listen, hard at buildin' trust from a distance
I think we should rule out commitment for now
Cause we're fallin' apart
Leavin', you're just doing that to get even
Don't pick up the pieces, just leave it for now
They keep fallin' apart

Passionate from miles away
Passive with the things you say
Passin' up on my old ways
I can't blame you, no, no
Passionate from miles away
Passive with the things you say
Passin' up on my old ways
I can't blame you, no, no