Memories

When my grand mother mentioned the life before in this town, it made me jealous of the life that they had. Imagining the fun that my dad together with his siblings when they were younger. The days when there were no cellphones, tablet, computers and all you got was everything around you but what I envy the most was when this town was still have small community and maybe the people back there was friendly and not full of gossip like today.

When she mentioned some stories, I always asked her about mermaids and yes according to my grand mother she heard a beautiful voice singing coming from the river couple of times; the mystery when my dad got lost and nowhere to be found for couple of hours and when he was back in the real world he mentioned a different world; the spanking moments of my uncles because they don't want to sleep in the afternoon or they did something wrong and made their mother pissed; when my grandma still know everyone in this town since there are just few clans in here unlike today; those are just a few but it never get old to me hence, I'm amazed. 

this was a photo of my grandmother and grandfather together with my dad, aunt and uncles taken at a Zoo 

This makes me miss my dad, papa, ikong and the ones that we've lost over the years. Its scary at some point because what if I don't have a story to tell to my grand kids like my grandma's memories, its scary because what if at one point in this life I forgot what the bond I used to share with my dad? With Papa? Makes me realize that maybe I wasn't able to maximize the time when there are still here. Couple of days ago, my dad was in my dream again and I forgot why I was crying but he hugged me so tight and I cried a little more (then sadly, my alarm started to wake me up).

I really miss them and since I can't go back, I was thinking of another tattoo. It was already a planned tattoo before for my grand father aka Papa but now, I realized it will be for the people we missed, lost, for the memories we shared with that person. Hopefully soon I'll can get my planned tattoos and I'll be starting to save up on August that's why I need to stop my make up haul to give way to my tattoo/needle cravings.

Well, its part of this life and we have to deal with it. Just maximize the time with who are presently around you who are full of positivity so in the end there will be no regrets :)

 "Sometimes, the hardest part isn't letting go but rather learning to start over" - Spencer Reid | Criminal Minds 

FYI, I'm a Girl . A Bad Girl Who Broke Her Own Rules

I'm not allowed to shop for shoes because I just purchased a Dr. Martens earlier this year and I was addicted to lipstick or some girl stuff for the past month too. That's why I'm not allowing myself to purchase a shoes soon BUT I was eyeing this online shop (Kara Zapatos) from Marikina (the shoe capital of the Philippines) but still thinking about it if I should order since my feet are not normal because it's a little chubby. hahaha and I really want it because I know its worth the price and the quality is good because it's hand made and its local.

The problem was when you want something from them you have to wait for weeks because it's made-to-order meaning they don't have current stocks and that's one reason why I was thinking when or should I really order for a pair. Last Wednesday, I was waiting for someone when they posted an account of a re-seller (I think) and then I followed Kara Ballerinas on Instagram and they have on-hand flats and by that, I don't need a waiting-game to have a new pair of flats. I asked on different style if they have a size 7 and fortunately they have one on-hand without hesitation I reserved that but the next day Ms. Shiela (if I'm not mistaken on who I'm talking on Viber) lol told me that there was a problem with their inventory at the shop and the one that I reserved was unavailable and she send me two design that have size 7 and ready to ship I really having a problem on what to get I asked few people on what should I get and they have different opinions. -____-

I was supposed to purchased last batch of make-up stuff before my make-up banned but .... two flats are available and ..... I think it's better to get shoes than more lipstick this time ... 

I end up buying both. HAHA and it arrived earlier :D

Cow Print in Gold

Loafers in Gold

the box was a little deform maybe because of the shipping phase but the product was totally in good condition 

I love it because it fit perfectly, no Cinderella moments on what if it don't fit right blah blah ... I will order again soon maybe a wedge is next or flats again or whatever. haha I can't wait to use it!!! 

You can check their design at their Facebook pages and they have international re-sellers too:

Kara Zapatos

Kara Ballerinas

"You can't buy happiness but you can buy shoes" - @Shoegoddess_ph (Instagram)

Looking Back Over Reality

It feels so good when you have true friends. It may be just few because there are few people who can stay true to themselves and to other people. I gave up the word "best friend" since who I thought deserve those title are  gone now in my life and its way too different on "true friend" and I don't want to loose my "true friends". I'm thankful for these people because I know who will be there to stick with me during bad and good times.

Most of the time, I was thinking what if I have my current personality when I was back in high school. What does it feels like and how will I handle situations, how will I spend times with old friends? (I secretly wish I can go back to my high school years at this point in my life) I do miss certain people but I don't think that we can still be friends on the current phase of life (I just assumed that).

I realized from my previous friendship issues or the way other people treated me, I do hesitate to open up my own thing or current situation to other people including those true friends that I have because when I hangout with them its the only escape and you can face reality after a few hours of hanging out. One reason why I do tweet a lot and blog because it gives me some relief since I released some tension when I tweet or blog whatever I want to say and I don't open up easily because not everyone will be interested on your precious story or usual rant because most of it are just stupid crap for others. I mean if they want to know, they can ask and as a blog, they can read without forcing them to read.  

I know for a while now that its easy to talk to strangers because mostly they just don't care about your other baggage. (Off topic again.....)

As well as my other non-sense post, I don't know why I'm typing this. 

If you're an old friend then maybe you're one of those "certain people" that I miss. But serious talk, I really miss the last person that gave the label best friend to our friendship.

 Hello stranger. Feel free to talk I don't bite. :)

"fact: I'm not your best story teller, but I do listen and observe - AEivryn RV" 

FYI, I'm a Girl . Experimenting

Yes, yes, yes, I'm experimenting well, not really its just a bunch of lipstick. and I ordered an eye liner and a brow pencil unfortunately, I'm not used on using it. (who knows when using an eyeliner will be a fucking requirement in this world) lol

Daphne ordered this Matte Lipstick - Merlot

My sister ordered Matte Lipstick - Perfect Red and she was wearing it in this picture

NYX Matte Lipstick - Merlot, Indie Flick and Alabama (Indie Flick and Alabama was ordered the first time we ordered NYX)

Auto Eyebrow Pencil - Medium Brown

Long Pencil Eye - Black and Brown

but I don't know how to fix eyebrows and put eyeliner!!! loser. haha I'm a lipstick dude

crappy photos ...... 

(L-R) Round Lipstick - Shiva ; Matte Lipstick - Summer Breeze, Perfect Red and Pure Red

not so good swatches

Upper Lip - Pure Red and Shiva

Lower Lip - Summer Breeze and Perfect Red

as much as I'm addicted to Matte Lipstick, I also want to order one last batch of lipstick before my make-up-banned. I'm planning to buy Round Lipstick this time because I realized with Matte, its hard to re-apply all over again and again after you eat a bunch but with Round Lipstick it was easy breezy because it's like a lip gloss at some sort. Oh well, I'll blog about it if ever ;) 

If you're from the Philippines, you can order NYX cosmetics on Mapshop 

"I use red lipstick as a weapon" - AEivrynRV

Sick of It

I made this playlist months ago and I think it will be a while that I need this because I think a little inside me is fucking pissed with the outside world. 

This playlist consist of: Jimmy Eat World, mewithoutYou, Candy Hearts, Best Coast and fun.

Well, it really makes me calm but not totally but it can cure some damages.

Thank you music for existing, thank you for speaking in behalf of my fucking feelings, thank you to bands who plays amazing music, thank you to song writers on putting the exact words in a song, thank you to my iTunes, thank you to the "me" who made this playlist months ago, and lastly, thank you for mid nights when everyone is asleep and I'm having a peaceful mind. 

So what's your "Keep Calm" playlist? 

speaking of Candy Hearts, Mariel Loveland replied to me on twitter telling me she loves my blue hair!  [fan girl 101 :D]

just when you feel so down, little things will cheer you up

"Take off your glasses, raise your fist and tell the world you're sick of it"

 - Sick of It | Candy Hearts

UAAP S76 . 1st Round : FEU vs ADMU

Hello UAAP!!!! I miss you so much! Say hello to my 1st game live of Season 76 :). Well, we're supposed to watch the opening but unfortunately, that week was one of the busy week of my work life and the FEU-ADMU game was on a perfect schedule to be a day off after a busy week and before 2 more days of my work life. Anton Roxas said on the first game of FEU vs UE was "its not how you started, its how you finish" yes, its just the 1st round but since I watched completely FEU-ADMU game ever since Season 74 it feels so good to get the W this time. Yes, Kiefer Ravena wasn't able to play but a win is a win and hello to Ryan Buenafe that I think he was supposed to play his last year last season .... Ni nu ni nu.... Good for Ateneo that Buenafe and the other players was having their "bad game". What if Buenafe is not having trouble playing? And where is Kris Porter?

Anyways, it really feels good to win against Ateneo. Watching FEU-ADMU game since S74 and after yearsssss it was last Wednesday when we won. It doesn't matter if its just the 1st round but winning against Ateneo, it feels so good. What to expect they won 5 championship straight and knowing their standings for the last 5 season they're always at the top.

And in my opinion, FEU-ADMU game is like a mini ADMU-DLSU game because fans do wait for it mostly because they always appear on the Final 4 then they'll face each other on the Finals.

Dear La Salle, there's a chance! Hahaha

I watched the game with my basketball dude aka Marielle and good thing I didn't forgot Keith aka the birthday boy that day. Thank you Keith for the brunch :). And it was good to see some good friends and its annoying that we saw some histrionic people. HA HA HA.

Oh well, here's my photo diary. Enjoy ;) 

what do you do when you are the only people in the comfort room? HAHAHA

this is our view / our seat for the 1st game until the end of the 1st half of the 2nd game because usherettes will get angry to us if we are not seated on the designated seat number on the ticket 

the FEU side

the Ateneo side - its different because there are more vacant seats this time 

oh well that was a Wednesday 

Sam Perkins

Overtime

Keith and Marielle

batch of photos will never be complete if there will be no pictures of us being so happy :D

Jerie Pingoy also sang the school hymn of FEU

they are shy to approach Arwind Santos for a picture .. haha

We don't plan to wait for so long at the lobby, we just waited for Lhea to say where she was because we haven't seen each other for so long now. Luckily, when we are on our way to the mall, we saw Lhea outside with some Advo people

Marielle, Keith (belated Happy Birthday), Me and Lhea

We are just catching up when Keith left because he was supposed to meet someone.. yihee.. haha and then the players was on their way out already so we decided to stay since its been a while ... and then Mike passed by and he smiled at us and I asked him for a picture and he asked for something and I told him I'll give him Kitkat next time.. hehe

with Mike Tolomia

with Coach Nash Racela

That's it! I'm happy that I was able to spend almost the whole day with friends and of course the feeling that we won. It was a little escape but let's face reality and plan the next game date and I feel fortunate that FEU's game are fitting just right with our schedules. See you guys again soon :)

"Games have winners" - Harper Dearing | NCIS S10E01

FYI, I'm a Girl . because I have girl problems

Omg. I never thought I'll see the day. As of the moment I'm typing this, I wish that another package from MAP Shop will arrive tomorrow (because another package arrived earlier.... Hehe) but its Saturday and I'm not sure if there are deliveries on a Saturday. Yes. I ordered a bunch of NYX again (sorry, oh not really. Haha) and I can't wait to try it. I ordered an eye brow pencil, 2 eye liner, 3 matte lipstick and 1 round lipstick, I didn't ordered soft matte and I have no plans on ordering them again soon.

Yes I know, I just ordered a month ago and here I am waiting for it to arrive and if they don't have delivery on Saturday then it will probably arrive on Monday.

As my friends know me "before", I'm the one who don't like to speak about make ups. Okay fine, call me a late bloomer or whatever but seriously that's a fact. 

And by the way, my expensive season is here! Hello UAAP! But as of the moment I have 3 tentative dates to watch and I just chose the game that you don't want to miss the live action. Maybe I'll blog about it but unlike the way I blog about UAAP last season (I'm a little grown now, you know). And I can't wait to hangout with Gem and to see some friends again! But darn, F21 is sale until the 14th! Hopefully, I can control myself not to shop. Hahaha

And with UAAP on schedule, I'm thinking if I can order some eye shadow palette and 2 more tubes of lipstick but hopefully by mid-July I can get those because I'll be banned on buying make up thingy by August because THIS IS INSANE. Haha. 

AaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!! 

I really didn't see this coming but where's the thrill if you saw it right? HAHAHA

****I typed this last Friday night and yes, my package arrived last Saturday and there will be a FYI, I'm a Girl post soon and a Hair Dye-ary update too. ;) 

"People are really soft, except for their bones" - Dr. Temperance Brennan | Bones

Last Hope

Sort of stuff are running on my mind lately. Sometimes its about loosing the self-esteem that I built for years in just a snap. People will compare anything to everything whenever they want and it does include you to other people. Its hard to convince myself that I should be proud of whatever I have right now or whatever my position in this earth, I do cry a little but then I think of situation that can make me feel good including reading my little reminder on my arm and reciting my favorite quotes from series, book or a lyrics from a song, it really helps me.  

Its a little hard to hide sometimes when what you really wanted is to escape.

I'm f*cking tired sometimes on reminding myself these things because when people compare you to others, you also can't help it to compare yourself to those people. "Don't compare" is actually one rule in my life that is very important because I don't want to be compared to other people because I know my own capacity in life and other people will never tell you that. Even they are family or friends to you sometimes their expectation or trust is too much to handle and since they are expecting more, you will try your very best for you not to fail and when you're trying to be "perfect" along the way there will be this one day that you will eventually break into pieces. And that, is the situation that I don't want to happen to me, to be broken physically and emotionally.

That's why I do what I want in life and I'm happy that I can do this and people around may accept me or not while I'm experimenting on myself but who cares, I still think of pros and cons most of the time and believe me when I say I do think best or worst case scenario ever before doing a major change.

Being controlled or not having the freedom you needed / wanted is exhausting. Parents can control us but they should also know our own opinion about things if we really want what they wanted you to be or not. Guidance is the right term because "being controlled" is way too different from it. 

I have my own reasons why I did the things that I did before or why I made those decisions but now, I don't regret it. I'm living with it.

I don't know what do you think while reading this. Clearly, I don't have a crystal clear direction about this post but this is one therapy that I have in life, blog it or write it whatever it is on my head or when something is bugging me so at some point I'll be okay and I'll move on, because not everyone will be so willing to hear this and its your choice if you'll read this. (well, thank you if you are)

Sometimes reading some "rant" post that I have in the past, makes me smile and  I even laugh about it because I can't believe I typed those things but I also learned from it and looking back makes you realized that you passed those situation and that you can be a stronger person than who was you that moment when you posted that specific "rant post".

Yeah, sometimes I'm so fucking tired of reminding myself good stuff but I'll never be tired of believing on myself.

And times like this. I'm so happy that Paramore made a song so perfect for this kind of situation. I want to share to you one of my favorite and one of my life saver song

Last Hope by Paramore

Its just a spark but its enough to keep me going. (I really wanted this sentence on my skin)

"No sense in hiding when all you're running from is the truth" - Mike Franks | NCIS S10E24