Random . November 2022

Down time. As much as I know how busy this week is, today is rest day and day to spend at the cemetery. 

What if the stress reliever doesn’t work anymore. 

Send me all your stress that I will be the one breaking down even you don’t have any idea. 

Fan of the PBA but you still don’t know how it works. 

So much to write so little time. 

3 games of basketball and hangout with my dude at home court. 

Happy Birthday, Daddy. 11.06.2022

Can it be a wrong decision if that means you helped someone? #21

The pressure around me it’s getting high will I be able to survive this shithole. 

My responsibilities and sacrifices it’s a lot but don’t ask me about it. 

My sacrifices that doesn’t matter to anybody. 

Wrong calculation of time. 

Happy Birthday, sissy. 11.07.2022 

That can’t be the last episode of #Manifest 

We came to the point where I need to be reminded by an app of all the things that I should do. 

If only you know how I envy other people just because it seems to work to you so well. 

Errands. 

Why am I having anxiety walking around town. 11/10/2022 

MOA today for LANY!!! 11/11 

I’ve been to MOA once in a while since April but it’s just my first time to ever enter IKEA in here. Love it. 

That perfume by Billie smells so good. 

LANY. 11/11 as another closure. 

Tons of things to do this weekend. Coffee date with cousins later! 

I had a break last Friday and then there’s a lot of work load. So much to do so little time. Stressed but thankful. 

Expect delays but I’m trying to catch up. 

I can’t even do the little things anymore so be patient with me. 

Dumped some photos on my ig as a “proof of life”. 

So lazy to workout today 

Raining at night and I’m just hoping that it will not rain later in the afternoon because I will be running some errands. 

Delayed some errands to today so hopefully, it will not rain. 

I was trying my very best when I’m just in town not to give in to my cravings even they are just few steps away. When I was out with Gem last Nov 5, I couldn’t even dig in to my cravings as well. I knew I shouldn’t control much when I’m craving food so here I am weeks later pigging out much every other day. It’s bad I know so now even with a little craving I give in and I will try to control it the next days. Lol but maybe it is stress eating again. 

When your phone passcode is just a bunch of zeros. Lol 

Dogs are being clingy. 

The time of the year where I ask the universe if I will survive the rest of the year. 

Disney+

I’m trying to process a lot of things right now that I can’t even leave the house. 

Due to the current situation I think everyone will understand the delay. If you will not then wtf! 

I can’t even decide with this matter. Ughh. 

Excruciating time. 

Hello and Bye, Manila! 11.21.2022

My airpods gave up. 

Everyone seems to move on and catch up with reality and here I am somehow still stuck to 2020. 

Asking myself on what should I do when literally I’m already doing what I can. 

Tito Ramon . 11.22.2022

Happy Fiesta, Angono!

Errands 

Ughh fck this stomach ache

The cycle of life. It is either you repeat it or break it. 

I believe that they understand that I have to go on just because this world doesn’t and will never stop for anything. 

Busy day. Can’t believe we are just few days away from December. 

That is one reason why I don’t ask too many favors from other people.

#TheWalkingDead marathon 

Still trying to process all of the things that happened the past months and I can’t help but cry with the season finale of #TheWalkingDead 

One day that I will be able to process everything, the day that I will cry like a baby. 

Jojo . 11.29.2022

What an unforgettable month

Still hoping for a good year-end. 

LANY - a november to remember 2022

November 11 2022 

 

It was around May when the Asia tour dates was announced and as I don’t want to regret not attending a LANY show again just like what happened when they did 2 nights in 2018 and 3 nights in 2019, I knew that I will go on this one even just for one night. I regret not going to those shows during lockdown.   

3 nights was the original schedule as they close the tour but then due to the demand they added 2 more nights in Manila.

I chose November 11, Friday as I thought that it perfectly fit on my schedule. Little did I know that I will be super busy catching up on work load the rest of the weekend. 

The day before November 11, tickets are on sale again after announcing that the 5 nights are sold out. I was tempted to buy another ticket probably for the last night but I decided not to do it. It was a conflict on my schedule too.

I arrived at MOA by 3pm and I just decided to roam around IKEA since to all the times I watched a UAAP game and even that Billie Eilish concert, I never been inside IKEA. It was a success visit since there are few people than the usual weekend crowd. 

Upon going to MOA Arena, I was surprised that still at 7pm there are people still lining up outside knowing that the show will probably start by 8pm. Everything started a little bit late than usual, I think the soundcheck started late because when we were inside MOA Arena the doors to the arena itself was still closed. I decided to eat dinner first then waited a little more after before they let people inside. 

I knew that they will start by 9pm but they started almost at 915pm.

~ 

I researched on what is the setlist which I usually do when I go to concert. One reason is that I don’t want to heartbroken if I don’t hear my personal favorites live just because it is not really included ever since. After knowing the setlist, I will make it as a playlist to play it days before the show. 

Thanks to the now changing wallpaper of iPhone, I made the setlist as a wallpaper that night so I know what will be the next song and if I wanted to take a video of that. 

The show was okay and the crowd is just okay too. Lol 

I became a fan of LANY because M sent me that ILYSB live in LA years ago and I was instantly a fan since. One huge reason is that when I know that the artist can sing so good for live, acoustic and for LANY it was always the stripped version, I knew that they are that good and the original or the released are good as well. I’m aware of the attention that was given to them since then and I will say that they really do deserve all the attention that they are getting now.

I’m just not a fan that will spend another night to see them and be that kind of tired traveling back and forth to MOA once again. Unless someone will treat me for that last night who am I to turn it down. Lol 

Though my dream show of LANY will be a stripped version of their songs (which happened tonight at the vivo event .. huhu). I don’t care of I will just cry while listening to those stripped version of their songs. They did that too at The Wiltern when they had an online concert via Veeps last May 2021. 

~ 

I’m aware that there are different kind of fans, I’ve been to tons of concert for my life and this time I was seated on a wrong side of the arena. I regret not going to patron but I guess that kind of fan are everywhere that night. That fan who just know specific songs mostly the recent released and just the popular ones. Not much fan who really danced all through out. Some are just there to be serenaded when their partner is seated beside them. How come they spend much on ticket when they are just going to act like that they are just watching a movie. 

I know. I know but please be at the moment and enjoy the show.

Overall, I always do enjoyed even when I’m just alone watching concerts. 

It was worth it to see LANY and if even they will be visiting your cities and if you are a fan, just see them live. This will be published probably a week after their last show here in Manila but I hope that if you really wanted to do it then just see them even you are deciding at the very last minute. 

So happy and proud of how far they come since then. 

Hope that they will never change. 

~ 

I never know that I will have tears during Malibu Nights but when Paul forgot the lyrics, I laughed a little! Malibu Nights made me cried buckets in 2018.

I want to experienced a stripped version of most songs especially ILYSB but somehow ending a night with the upbeat version of it makes me realize that we are either still on that happy relationship, maybe you are broke up with the last one and you are already in your new one, maybe we already moved on from the last or even we are still on the process of moving on. 

There was this viral post before this concert who was selling one more ticket or both just because they broke up with their partner and didn’t make it to the day of the concert. That’s sad of course but you can still enjoy a concert alone by dancing or singing your heart out and even cry but I understand if it still fresh from a breakup. We all have our own coping mechanism anyway.   

Though whatever is the status of your relationship where you can relate to a LANY song, you can still enjoy these songs and be at the moment celebrating the happy, sad and whatever feeling you had for the moment live with the band. It was all about music at the first place anyway. 

That night was somehow a huge move for me too because I knew that I’m past a certain level of moving on, maybe a closure to a chapter.

LANY / Les, Jake and Paul Jason Klein makes us fall in love and somehow desire for a perfect relationship and that deserve to be celebrated on a LANY show whether you are happy, sad or even broken hearted lets just dance with those feelings.  

On Repeat . Mean It

 

On Repeat . Congrats

LANY - Congrats

UAAP S85 . 4-6

 November 5 2022

First ball game without the bro. Huhu

We miss you Kitpol! 

12 hours different for him and 7 hours advance for Lhea. 

I still keep them updated. 

So, I was late due to some road repairs along the way Gem was so lucky to score some good seats when he bought at Araneta. I almost regret not getting the tickets online but thankful we somehow saved 100 for that online fee. 

I think I arrived during the 3rd Q of the 11am game. 

So good to watch almost 4 games in a day but 3 is enough. Lol 

We lost again that day and we could’ve won that but we fell short and just after the game that Lj Gonzales didn’t play. I know that the rest of our games are very hard to win and the 11 days break can be a good or bad one. 

Oh yes, after posting that 0-5 standing we win 4 games straight and lost this one. 

It’s just so good to watch a basketball game and not to think about the outside shit. 

~

We got a picture with Coach Nash!!!!!! YAY! #cloud9

When we saw Coach Nash without Gem last time in MOA, I didn’t promise her but I said we will try to have an updated picture with Coach. Knowing that there will be 4 games that day, I was hopeful to finally meet Coach again and we did!!! 

~

Since we don’t have Manong Jun aka Kitpol, we just hang around Araneta. Ate at Seafood Island and stayed at Starbucks. Just slightly updating each other about life. 

After that we decided to walk around before heading home. 

Definitely felt the absence of Kit but nothing compares to spending a day with my dude. 

Closure

 October 28 2022.

Booked my appointment October 23rd because I’ve been longing to have a tattoo for a while now. I’ve been hanging out with friends the past weekends that’s why I can’t schedule it much early last month. 

Booked the 28th just because it’s the last Friday, it was a long weekend, looks perfect to end October and maybe a closure on something. 

Originally I have couple of things that I really wanted to get. As my tattoo artist asked what it will be I just sent “happier than ever” text and the sunflower. Surprisingly I hesitated one of the original planned tattoo. I doubted and thought that at some point it doesn’t make sense anymore as I close one chapter of my life. 

I don’t want to regret it if I pushed it so for now I’m putting it on hold or maybe I will never get it anymore. 

One reason why I get tattoos is that when I need to be reminded that I’m still alive and feeling pain. You might not get it but yup it is so much deeper than what you think. 

~ 

I was doing last minute errands before the long weekend that day and I keep on reminding myself that I have a tattoo appointment by 7pm. It was raining that afternoon too but luckily it stopped that night or else I’ll cancel that session. 

I also wanted to get my 2022 tattoo, I’ll be busy towards the end of this year that I might not make it so I make it happen early or else 2022 might be skipped. October is also a month that hasn’t been good to me for the past year I just want to end this as a good one. 

~

The tattoos;

“Happier Than Ever” - by Billie Eilish, an album and a song. This album has been saving me from certain situations since it was release last year. I love love the album so much and the song of course. I was able to witness HTE tour (August 13 2022) where it was my first concert after years and had the worst PCD ever. Pour my heart out while singing along that night. 

I decided on the title since I can’t think of any symbol that can represent the album. I was also thinking of the name “Billie Eilish” but for now that’s too much. 

Now I can move on from my PCD and listen to other artist but from time to time I caught myself singing a song from the album. Lol 

Sunflower - I’m mesmerized by sunflower ever since I first saw one. It made on my tattoo list just to represent someone I never met. It finally made to the top list when M surprised me a bouquet with 3 sunflowers on it out of nowhere last July 14 (considered that as a peace offering). 

Tears in my eyes when it was being done. I got too emotional remembering how he surprised me that I was caught off guard that time. I wish everything went well. 

After it was done JT asked me if I want to add some shading on my baby cupcake, I don’t want to ruin or make much edit on the original sketch but I agreed on just the base of it. He making an edit to cupcake reminded me the meaning of the upper part of it. Putting light shades to the base makes me think that it was the struggles and challenges for the past years. Haay. I might spoil too much personal stuff. I need to stop. 

After it was done JT mentioned how there are still ink and that’s when it crossed my mind to add a little pencil. I let him decide on the placement of it. I still have small random things on my list but I’ll save that for another day. 

Pencil - started writing poems and love letters ever since 2016. I don’t usually use a pencil writing those letters but he loves to sketch. I can’t live without pencil at work too and I use them as long as I can hold it’s size. Makes me remember my dad as well. By the time he was doing it I was smiling because the pencil is so cute. 

Reminding myself to never stop writing whatever I want. 

Reminding me to always give justice to my other reminder “expression is survival”. 

~

I’ve been struggling the past days but I’m still going. Making things work even it somehow breaks me from time to time. I have to move because I know this world will leave me if I do nothing. 

I still make time for myself just to escape for a little while. Even though it makes me hate times where I feel like that my own feelings and issues shouldn’t be a priority as I have to put other people first. It feels like I don’t have any other choice. Sacrifices that I make that nobody cares.  

Sore to your eyes or not, judge me for wearing my heart on my sleeves. 

Brobabes 2022 . Mini Roadtrip

October 22 2022 

Our game was scheduled Oct 23 but since everyone is not free for such day, we just decided to just meet and eat out on another Saturday. 

Main reason why we did push to hangout for 3 Saturday is that Kit will be leaving finally and hopefully for real this time. By the time that I’m typing this, he was already in the US for a week now. Another reason why I’m just typing it just now and trying to remember all the places we’ve been that day. 

~

Gem and I met at Megamall since Kit was on schedule for a post op on his lasik at American Eye at Podium. We surprised him that we are already outside of AEC by the time he was finished. 

I also want to check the place in Podium since I will also be having my 2 year check up by December.

Kit is very vocal on shirt since somehow we were able to give him a couple for the past years. We wanted to give him another one before he leave but there are no good design another request by him is car sticker. We were able to score the stickers but instead of a shirt we decide to get him a hoodie. We ordered the hoodie late so we really want to push this Saturday to meet up even without a game just to surprise him with the hoodie. 

After Podium, Kit request to eat at Causeway we drove to Timog and we are already starving by then. Such a good food and I haven’t eaten there for so long. He said that he will also get something at Greenhills so that was our next stop. He was somehow doing last minute errands so we just came along. Next is Feliz for some other errands then we just stayed at Starbucks and finally fix his Apple Watch after a day of updating the OS.

Last 2 Saturday, he keep on mentioning his Apple Watch that he got as a gift and we keep on telling him to bring it. Good thing I was able to text him that morning to bring it. We were surprised that it was still unopened and he got that in April. Yes, that’s one of the agenda of today’s meet up. 

It doesn’t feel that he was leaving in a few days it just like a normal Saturday with Brobabes. 

Somewhat still in denial but I know we will feel it sooner. 

~

People come and go, I’m still not used to that but with how crazy this country is, I pushed everyone who can leave to go. I may or may not be able to leave this country for good but I’m happy for them who can. I didn’t understand it before but after the election this year, I get it now and somewhat wish I can leave just like them and just like that. For now, I pushed my friends away jokingly that they should just adopt me years later. I’ll miss them dearly but thankful for the power of the internet.