Random . March 2018

I can't really think straight some days. 

My apologies if I priorities myself but all of you are the next, always. 

Thinking if I should go out or not. I haven't been out for 2 weeks now. 

When you're running out of patience. So frustrating. 

So anxious about the rescheduled show in Jakarta. Hopefully it will fit on my schedule. Announcement might be this week. 

I keep on dreaming about Jakarta. 

Can I just stay at home and not go out for one whole week. 

Same amount of love and hate. 

People will never get why I do rest my brain for hours. 

When it's all repeating in my head that keeps me awake. 

If you are a seeker of truth, you have to accept the facts first then respect and move forward. 

Finally a new date for Jakarta show and I'm happy that it is a weekend and all of us are going back! I still plan to get a Manila ticket. 

Time to plan for August. Yay. 

That doesn't work too much anymore maybe because I already prove myself my worth. 

Officially staying in for the next months. 

I still want to blog something more about Jakarta but my head is too tired for some extra work. 

Found some money on my other bag and now I can't find it. Talking about disorganization. 

Yay. Congrats FEU. Finally, sis got a championship on her last year. 

Hi MOA. I've missed you. 

For the sake of your own social status. Lol 

Lol. People. 

Sometimes I'm just really lost with all the things that's needed to be done. 

It's hard if you are seeing both sides. 

It blows my minds reading what I wrote 4 years ago but it is also what I needed to hear from my 2014 self. 

If you wear some of the most meaningful words in the world, be sure you also know how to it all works in all aspects. 

Pretending I don't hear you. Geez. Don't kill my hype mood. 

After midnight calls. It's been way too long since the last. 

Early call. Zzzzz

How come it's been a month since Indonesia? 

22. 

As much as it overwhelmed me over the past months, I somehow want it out of my system. 

I just want to write down all my thoughts and release these things but I'm trapped in all the lined up responsibilities. 

Brain is always tricking me. 

Don't trust every watcher. 

Quick me-time. Haha. Thank you for pushing me to do it even I don't want to. #21

I just like this new Moose Blood album. 

Scaring the shit out of me. 

Whoa. I make you worry now? #21

Babes is here! Can't wait to hangout later.  

I just want to rest my brain and not think of the complicated life we have. 

I don't need all the credits of what I've done, I just want the appreciation. Let's not go to the phase where I will slap you with all my comparison because we all know which is which and who is who. 

We are already judged when people see us don't let them know what's on the inside by posting a lot personal. 

I love today. I can sleep with my usual time then wake up early or late without thinking too much. 

Been six months without going to church and I just did on Good Friday and maybe on Easter too. 

One of the longest weekend is almost ‎over

Glad to have that trip for dinner with family

Not Me.

I just disregard and let each week passed for the past few months but one day it hit me that I was not myself anymore, maybe I'm lost.

If you ask me all I can say is that I'm okay just too busy, in reality I'm not. Mentally draining most days followed by being physically drained too. The routine I've been doing for the last few months is exhausting now all I thought I do give myself some days off but clearly, at the end of the day I got to do what I can because tomorrow is another day. Technically, no free days just few free hours.

I was staring at my very cluttered room and that's when I realized that something is not good. I haven't work out for the last few months and right now even I have time I think I rather just relax my brain and save the energy for the things that I need to do. I haven't cleaned my room (eww. I know) but still I rather save energy for the few hours I got than move my ass and do the cleaning shit. I rather maximize my sleeping hours than wasting my energy from some things that aren't on the things that I need to do. To cut it short, I rather save energy than doing my usual extra-curricular stuff because with all the things under my wing right now it's mentally and physically draining. Not to mention my daytime nightmare.

I appreciate some of the things I don't give attention before but too much is bad too. I learned a lot on this process but seriously I think it's too much as of typing this, too much for me to handle it all by myself. Appreciating it more makes me realize to help more but me doing it all alone, I'll break soon. I'm not complaining at all I just need some help. I need everything to somehow go back to normal.

I want to see myself genuinely happy again, I want to have free days again. Last month I was already asking myself if I will break soon and I'm glad I survived that month but right now, I'm not sure. Maybe I'll spend few hours crying then back to the routine. I got no other choice.

I can call every shots but fuck at the end they will question such decision, they will rant. Yeah, I still don't know bunch of things but what are you doing?

I'm hating all the idea of it.

I'm not the same person who wrote everything last December. I've totally changed.

People who gave trust before may be doubting right now but what should I do?

I already saw myself lost in line for some days but for having no choice, I still find myself doing the things I have to do since no one will catch it.

You will not see me complaining but I don't want to lose myself, I don't want to be eaten by some system where there's too much pressure where some people thinks you can do everything all at once including the stuff that they want to happen.

Maybe I'm being taken for granted and I hate how it can start me questioning myself with everything. I start to doubt myself too.

The rebelious kid in me might wake up soon and I don't want to hate the world again just to get some more attention. I'm scared of what the things I can do. My alter ego is something.

I just keep on believing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

On Repeat . I Don't Think I Can Do This Anymore

I just want to listen to Moose Blood lately and the new album was perfect timing for my cravings.

Indonesia 2018 . Day 4

February 19, 2018

Basically it was just check out at the hotel then be at the airport to check in.

Where in a few hours, I will be back home. Back to reality.

It was a Monday and as I predicted that I will not be stuck in traffic since it was somehow an express way, I was wrong. lol

I wasn't late to be honest since I didn't adjust my time to Jakarta time and my Manila time is still ahead of 1 hour. Though I wish we can still eat at Sate Khas for some last satay.

As always, Diana was there first a little bit early than I am. (what's new, I'm always late. hahaha)

I want to be early since I got to check in my baggage which was hard to pack when you brought a towel and bought a new hoodie and you have to keep the one that I bought and packing with nothing but few chips with air. wtf. hahaha

I always have check in baggage after vacation for souvenir and dirty clothes. hehe

Before I get to the things that happened at the airport, I just want to say that the airport in Jakarta is amazing. Yes, better than the airport in Manila.

Upon checking in, Diana told me that she booked a seat and my seat will be assigned at the counter. We asked the staff if we can seat together and just cancelled her booked seat and upon checking her details, Diana booked her flight on February 20 and not 19! She still got another day in Jakarta!!!!

She already sets her mind that she will also coming home by Monday but she wasn't able to check it! We just laugh at it but her luggage was already check in and I was alrady joking her that we will be seeing each other by weekend. Though we tried to get her luggage back but I think it was too late already since there are tons of baggage that was already checked in after ours. We didn't get her baggage and since I still need to pass immigration and be at the gate on time, we separate ways already though we chat on what are her plans are.

I was able to get my alone time but it was literally lonely too. I miss my new friends :(

I just ate a chocolate croissant and an orange juice somehow panicking that I will missed my flight so I ate fast and wasn't able to enjoy the airport vibe.

I got window seat and it was once again an on-time flight and just like that, I'm back in Manila.

Waited for my baggage but Diana's was missing and I reported it to the Air Asia staff and she accomodated me. I told her that the owner was still in Indonesia and will be coming back tomorrow and they said that was good. Diana updated me the next day and she got her luggage!

Got the weekend, now reality.


My Photographs: Indonesia

Indonesia 2018 . Day 3

February 18, 2018

Day 2 was very tiring to be honest and I need some time to rest but no space for that since my stay in Indonesia is nearly over.

I know it will happen that I will not be able to see the beauty of car-free-day from 6am-11am in Jakarta.

I know at some point that I should arrived a little early but my Grab/Uber make some wrong turn again so I missed the last hour but I was able to witness it for maybe 5-10 minutes of it.

Imagine if I was just able to get up early for it then shoot some photographs (next time, promise).

Since we missed car-free day, we head straight to National Gallery. Surprisingly, entrance was free for a full 3 gallery from different artists.

The galley closes at lunch and we are already done with the first gallery before lunch so we save the 2nd gallery for after lunch good thing there was an eatery inside the vicinity it was disappointing at first but I think it was the only way that they serve rice and a little bits of chicken in it. It was cheap and bit heavy since it was rice. We finished the 2nd gallery and the other one in 1 hour I think.

Next stop is the Flea Market in Surabaya. If you love antiques then it was the perfect street for you. Diana wanted to take home at least something from there but it even for a small piece of jewelry, it was a bit pricey. If you really want something for your home that was antique and unique, it's perfect. We really walked down that street until the end where we can ride a cab and then time to find a shopping place, our plan is to go at Glodok.

Next stop was to shop we do our own research but at some point it fails us. lol

Glodok is a huge place, we didn't find the Chinatown. One really problem was even the cab drivers sometimes don't get what we say or can't understand where we want to go. We said that we will just go this huge mall called, LTC-Glodok. Guess what, well there are handful stores that are open but mostly, the rest was closed. Great. hahaha we usually just laugh at it.

Upon the long route just to get to the next circle for u-turn so we can be dropped at LTC-Glodok, we already passed by Old Town and as it was disappointing on not seeing the Chinatown or anymore souvenir or cheap markets, we just decided to go to Old Town and ride the Mikrolet/Angkot good thing the one that we rode in just have one teeneger and later on an old lady hop in just as we were near Old Town / Kota Tua. I was seriously waiting for the old lady to pay her fare so I can know what to say while paying just like on how we are riding Jeepney in here as well as to what they need to say if they are already in their destination. Curious mind but we are already in Kota Tua.

There are lot of things to do in Kota Tua like there are still museum but we are just into joining the local and of course at least try Cafe Batavia.

As we are just walking everything seems to be interseting already we grab some drinks while roaming around and I got this fruit drink that I'm craving already ever since. There are lot to see in Kota Tua most especially that it was a Sunday and everyone is there having fun and just spending their free day with family and friends.

After roaming around for a bit we already decided to dine in at Cafe Batavia, just for experience and feel the vibe even we are just going to grab some snack.

After Cafe Batavia we decided to go to Thamrin City to try our luck to buy some souvenirs but all they got is not we are looking for. My mom just want some ref magnet and I can't find it.

One major thing happened to us while on our way to Thamrin City is that our Blue Bird cab driver doesn't even know where it is. We can't book a Grab/Uber since it was a busy street and since it was pretty common, we thought that the cab knew where we are going. Unfortunately, he doesn't know. All I know is that I passed by Thamrin City since I walked down that area that morning while catching the car-free day because Diana and I were supposed to meet at Plaza Indonesia which is just near at one entrance of Grand Indonesia. I knew and we also searched that Thamrin City is just somehow at the back or side of Grand Indonesia. We are already near and we already noticed but the cab went straight, at first we thought that he will be turning at the next one but dang it he went straight and I know it was the wrong way since it was already the road leading to Tangerang.

We are somehow freaking out but as we are somehow keeping our coolness since we are both earth sign (see what I did there?! lol), Diana and I didn't argue but we find some way on how we can deal with this driver. Early on our ride, he was already calling someone maybe asking for directions but he can't contact them so he just drive. Thankful we have internet connection, we were able to track our way to Thamrin City we literally spend 30 minutes again on the road where we are on rush to be able to see what Thamrin City is all about and it was closing at 7pm.

Just to be honest with our experience, when we knew we are already near one advantage of different language, we are talking in our native tongue when our driver can't even understand english. We rode Blue Bird meaning it was a metered taxi and that long route he did make it up to 100.000 when it was just 50.000 when we are infront of Grand Indonesia. When we are somehow at the vicinity of Grand Indonesia after that long route, our taxi just hit the car at the back! We thought that there will be commotion since he really hit it but no talk happened! that was one way we can just run and pay just 50.000. Since no commotion or talk since he already hitted that car at the back, we are planning on how are we going to run if we just pay 50.000. We are worried that the driver will be coming after us but he was probably a new driver and a young one so hopefully he will not come after us. Diana talked it out to him but I bet he didn't understand that we will just pay 50.000 since it's his fault at first we thought that he was just playing us around so he can earn huge with our ride but sorry we are Filipinos who knows better than that.

He didn't come after us though. Guess what, no souvenir shops in Thamrin City.

Everything closes super early like 7pm.

The good thing about this adventure is that we were able to talk to some locals and ask questions though sometimes they still don't understand but you will see that they are determined to help.

As we are already losing hope, we just decided to go to Merdeka Square for the Monas and we decided to take anothe Blue Bird cab because this time we are sure that he will not fool us and he defintely knows where are we headed.

We arrived in Merdeka Square almost tired, good thing there are shops already for souvenirs! I found ref magnet but seriously, no major souvenir shop in Jakarta. I was joking all night that I will open a souvenir shop in there. We found few ref magnet but I was wondering why it got a Starbucks or Hard Rock Cafe as a souvenir. After going around we try to atleast eat some local food but as we are hungry, we want somthing familiar and not the ones in there. It is not pleasing our taste buds but you will be amazed on how they cook at least egg with some spices and making it an omelette. We just end up buying water.

Monas was our last stop and as much as we want to try going up there in the tower, Merdeka Square is so huge that we are already tired from walking all around the whole day. We were somehow near the Monas but apparently the entrance was at the other side so we just decided to just sit at the open area and just stare at its beauty while changing colors with a little bit of lighting on the sky.

I love Merdeka Square even we didn't able to get to the every end of it, how come we don't have such parks and all we got are malls?

We agree to grab a late dinner at a fast food so we searched for a 24 hours fast food chain and we got KFC nearby. We rode a Bajaj for probably the last time for this trip for that KFC then we recall our very tiring day and we will see each other tomorrow at the airport.

Booked our ride separately and I got to recall everything while I'm on my last ride from Central Jakarta to Tangerang thinking that I will be missing this place that I got to experience alone but mostly spending days with new found friends.

While I was on my ride the radio played, Stressed Out by Twenty One Pilots and Green Light by Lorde.

It was indeed a day with full of new experience.

As soon as I got to my hotel room, I cleaned up then fix my stuff since I will be heading to the airport early the next day.

Goodnight for the last time for now, Indonesia.


My Photographs: Indonesia

Indonesia 2018 . Day 2

February 17, 2018

Ginnie left like at 7am for the 11am flight and I just started a day without anyone and to be honest as much as I think it will be a personal trip and somehow my much needed alone time, I miss her already.

Since we already got some sleep at some point. I grab breakfast when Ginnie left since there was a convenient store linked at the hotel lobby. I just grabbed some noodles and brought it back up in the room then took a bath and fix my stuff while I wait for Diana at 10am since she will be transferring to Central Jakarta from her previous Airbnb. I envy her that she was able to transfer to the Central. hahah but I personally don't like too much transferring so I rather be at one place.

The original plan was for her to left her baggage at my room then go to Ikea and then grab her bag and then check in on her new Airbnb at Central but instead of leaving her bag we brought it along.

Diana and I got too much experience while exploring the city all weekend and on our way to Ikea was the first one of so many. lol The Grab doesn't know where we are going and thankful that we got internet connection that we were able to check if the cab is going the right way but that time, we make a wrong turn. I admired there roads and if you make one wrong turn, feels like you have to start all over again. Their roads got no shortcuts, always the long route. For Rp 20.000 we made a start of so many mini road trip.

We arrived in Ikea and it was my first time there nothing much but of course I admired everything but I'm not in an actual mood to shop. I get the hype but not now and it will be so hard to bring home. We just spend 2 hours in Ikea.

Next stop to check in on her Airbnb until Monday. It was also another road trip since we can't find Diamond Tower good thing she called the host and she talked to the driver with Bahasaand we found it and we rest for a bit then leave. Apparently, it was easier to search if it will be Tower Diamond on the app.

While waiting to leave by 3pm, we looked on where to go for the rest of the day.

We both agree that we must also try the local transportation in Jakarta like the Bajaj, Gojek, Transjakarta (bus) and the train.

Upon doing my own research prior to my trip, I also wanted to try Ubermotor since it's pretty cheap compare to taxi than the usual grab and uber ride.

We got few choices on what to do for that day like; National Museum, National Gallery and Monas (Merdeka Square) and maybe eat some street food.

National Gallery was the first choice but it was only until 4pm while the National Museum is until 5pm so we go to National Museum since we still got 2 hours before it close.

Another mini road trip happened she booked National Museum but the grab dropped us at the entrance of Merdeka Square telling us that the Museum is inside the square but we both know that it was not so we double checked it on Maps and Waze and it was a bit far. We decided to ride the Bajaj for 40.000 (I think) and it was such a good experience even we are already spending a little bit much on fares. lol

There's nothing much to do in the city of Jakarta but the Gallery and Museum is a must on the list to know more about the country and I think it is a must on every country.

The entrance to the Museum was 10.000 not bad at all where they got a fully air conditioned 4 storey building and got a working escalator and an elevator.

The early way of living in Indonesia is not as far as it is from the Philippines. Although I believe that the difference was at one point is the creativity of the people and the invasion of different countries later on. Museum are one of the best since there are things that have been used in early years. I said to Diana one time that imagine 50 or 100 years from now on, cellphones or anything that was related to technology will be displayed on museum than what are in there right now.

We basically maxed out our time there until 5pm and it was tiring too! We searched for a place where we can eat dinner but nothing nearby and all we are getting are restaurants in Grand Indonesia. Diana suggested Indonesian food and I agree since we all need to try it.

We got few good ones but expensive which a little bit near but we decided to just go to Grand Indonesia and try Sate Khas Senayan it didn't disappoint even on our main dish we basically no clue on what are the others but the the Sate are so good that at some point we want to order again. hehe

Most of the flea market closes at 7pm but the mall is until 10pm. Since we are already late for the bazaar to buy some souvenirs, we decided just to roam around Grand Indonesia and basically kill time until 10pm. We are also tired but I wish we were able to go that night to Monas already since there's no adventure being in the mall because we already have tons here in Manila.

I was having a hard time to book a Grab or Uber since it was closing time but Diana was able to booked her and I told her that I'll just go with her and then I'll book my ride when we get in Tower Diamond we somehow decided to separate ways early since we wanted to experience car-free-day in the city the next day then as we planned we will go to the Gallery, Old Town, buy souvenirs and Monas at night.

We are on our ride back to her Airbnb and it's pretty good if you were able to find a driver who can at least speak english than just bahasa since you will still be able to discuss some things. While on our way our driver just told us "uh-oh. we lost" I thought we are lost but he got a good navigation app but he keep on repeating the word "lost" and the car wasn't moving and the engine is nearly dead (battery problem) lol he keep on apologizing since we are already having a good conversation but he said "lost car" and never ending sorry for the situation. Good thing there was a Blue Bird cab nearby that we were able to transfer but we both feel sorry for the driver of "lost car" and we still thought about him the next day.

I booked a Grab/Uber as soon as we arrived in Tower Diamond and I still have to travel at least 45 minutes to my hotel in Tangerang.

It was very tiring day but I enjoyed it having Diana as a company for the weekend.

To be honest, once I arrived in my hotel room I was surprised that my bed is fixed but there was an emptiness without the company of these people at night. All I really thought was I needed me-time but it was craving for the presence of these people.

Full day planned for the last day.


My Photographs: Indonesia

Indonesia 2018 . Day 1

February 16, 2018

I can't believe that its been a week since my trip to Indonesia. Just to be clear, Jakarta is the largest city in Indonesia. The location of Indonesia Convention Exhibition is not in Jakarta it was at the BSD City. I can't say that I aslo stayed in Jakarta since my hotel was at Tangerang which is outside and a little bit far from Jakarta.

Last minute work stuff before leaving was a must to be done since I was still doing work at 1am, hours before leaving the house. I was so content that I will also get an Uber or Grab even at 4am even on a Friday morning but I was wrong I got some difficulty on finding a ride. I got one and it was such a nervous ride because Ginnie was already texting me that the line at the immigration is long and we are boarding by past 7am and I'm still on the way but then a traffic, there was an accident along the way thankful that Uber got Waze and there was an alternate route that we don't need the longer route.

To be honest, I already accept that I will be able to back out last minute prior to leaving just because I have to, for my responsibilities but at the back of my head of course I want to leave since I know that to keep my sanity, I already need some time alone far from here.

I made it to the airport on time and while on my way I already convinced myself that I will do a version of Amazing Race that day just to make it on time. I met Ginnie after I passed Immigration which was by the way so smooth since it was a weekend and I think having few stamps now are helping. We made it on our designated gate 30 minutes before boarding and just right on our way to our gate you might think that Ginnie and I are already friends for so long. Hahaha She also introduced me to Reigh Ann (?) who is at the same flight and will also watch the show. Few minutes later I decided to grab some snack before boarding since I haven't eaten anything after dinner last night and I crossed path with a girl wearing a Baby Zac shirt and I believe her name was Trisha/Tricia (?). I told it to Ginnie after buying food but we are both shy to approach her. We called her Baby Zac for the meantime until we got her name. We didn't even got her ig or twitter.

I just want to sleep already so I can have energy for the show and wake up in another country. Our flight was on time and I'm surprised as a first timer who is flying with Air Asia. I dozed off at the plane even there are some guys who are already drunk in our flight in between 8am-11am.

We arrived safe and sound in Indonesia.

I was at the foreign exchange and as I go back to Ginnie she was already talking to Baby Zac. hehe

Ginnie will just stay in Indonesia in less than 28 hours because she will be flying back home the next day and then catch the Manila show on the 18th. I let her crash my hotel room and she said that she don't have a sling bag since all she got is a regular backpack and I told her I can hold our passport since I do have a sling bag.

For our experience while waiting for the Paramore show you can read it all here.

We still stayed at the venue and just really feel the concert vibe or whatever you want to call it then Jude messaged me on Twitter asking if we are still there and it took few more minutes before recognizing each other and of course first awkward moments, hehe. Ginnie also met some of her online friends for years at the venue and we also introduced ourselves. Parafam!

Some security or the staff at the venue was already asking everyone to exit ICE and the sky is so pretty that we decided to walk for a while then decide what to do and thanful that Diana stayed with us. Well, I really can't find Ginnie when we ran inside Hall 6 and I just saw Diana and we spent the rest of the night together.

We went to AEON Mall which was near to grab dinner and we are somehow lost with all the things that we have been through all day. Diana, by the way was also on the same flight that morning! We just decided to eat Japanese that night and some Chapayom drinks. As Ginnie will be flying back home the next day, Diana and I basically plan on what to do until we fly back home by Monday.

It was a sad day but at the same time a very unforgettable one.

Ginnie and I were passed out but she was able to get up on time before leaving to the airport.


See you again soon, Ginnie <3


My Photographs: Indonesia

Paramore 2018 . Jakarta (Rescheduled)

A post shared by Sonic Live Asia (@sonicliveasia) on Mar 6, 2018 at 6:27pm PST

Shoutout to the people that I met that day and was included on this video!!! YAY . Friendship.


Despite of my mood last week, I cannot forget that we got new date for Indonesia!!! So many things to look forward to but for now, we got to save. lol

It took a while before giving us a date and I think that's ok as long as we really got a good date meaning all of us can go back in Indonesia most especially on my case, I was anxious that the new date might not work on my schedule but it was a weekend!!! Prior to this announcement, I even keep on dreaming about Indonesia for days and then this! YAY <3

Next show after Manila so hopefully, I will still be able to score Manila tickets before that weekend.

What summer? I'll rather save for other events this year. lol

Btw, I love this video. <3

On Repeat . Warning Call

Warning Call by CHVRCHES

I hear it
Echoing of every place that we've called our home
And I don't talk
Of any time I ever believed in the unknown
I need it
So I hold on to every mistake that I made alone
And I don't lie
When I say that we will never return to closing doors

Sleep tight in a new light
Through another warning call
Look down on the cold ground
No one try to break the fall

I feel it
Moving in an another direction we call our own
And I won't chase
Anyone who ever believed in what they stole
I need it
So I hold on to every piece of mine that I chose
And I don't lie
When I say that we will never return to closing doors

Sleep tight in a new light
Through another warning call
Look down on the cold ground
No one try to break the fall

Say you'll remember
To keep it all inside
You can run for the skyline
Your eyes open wide

Say you'll remember
To keep it all inside
You can run for the skyline
Your eyes open wide

(It's a memory)
Don't look away
(It's a memory)
Cause when we see it we are closer
Don't look away
Cause when we see it we are near

Say you'll remember
To keep it all inside
You can run for the skyline
Your eyes open wide

Say you'll remember
To keep it all inside
You can run for the skyline
Your eyes open wide

It's a memory, it's a memory, it's a memory, it's a memory
It's a memory, it's a memory, it's a memory, it's a memory
It's a memory, it's a memory, it's a memory, it's a memory
It's a memory, it's a memory, it's a memory, it's a memory