Random . January 2021

 

Happy New Year! Ok, back to work. 

Living day by day is one of the things I learned for the past years and 2020 was basically the year to attest that. Thankful that we all survived. 

After 2020, do we really need to plan things for this year? Yes but less expectations and pressure, we will get there eventually. 

I was already thinking about that but why does it got to be real. 

Thankful for surprises. Hopefully it will be more this year. Thank you for the dream cake, M! 01.04.2021

Its making me doubt myself so much.

Maybe that’s a wake up call for me. That dream where someone cheated on me was a sign. 

I hate this. 

When you have to observe people, it also means you got to torture yourself with toxic ones. 

Maybe I don’t want to read between the lines or maybe I’m too tired to listen and analyze. 

A surprise that made me hug you so tight and cry so much. I miss you, Papa. #dream. 

Few hours of freedom before a busy week. 

Monday, I hate you. 

Maybe tonight, I will cry.

Why do I feel so defeated right now. 

2 again tonight. 

Tomorrow is another day. 

Why does it got be a on busy week. Super human, on. 

Despite of all the stress that will come, I will try my very best not to stress eat. 

If I want to set you up for sure we are long far gone from that as of today. 

When your dog tells you to loosen up 

Another reason why I like wearing face mask. Though I miss wearing glasses but no thanks. Haha

Why does it even feel like it is worst than losing someone in real life. 

I can’t be two person at once but I’m trying but definitely can’t be three persons at different places but I will try 

When you want to ask for help but you already know the answer. 

If you have a full plate of responsibilities, will you ever think of quitting or just go with the flow even it will be so exhausting. 

I’m scared of my mental health that I may not be able to handle all of these. I’m also scared with the anxiety and panic that comes with it. 

I will always be the queen of procrastination. 

I hate this anxiety 

It wasn’t that bad but it was time consuming. 

This week isn’t over yet and I’m feeling bad that I can’t think straight and decide on things. I have to ask for other people’s opinion. Backlogs are filing up too. 

I already can’t decide right away, I can’t even think straight and still procrastinating. Lol 

“Pain is inevitable it’s what you do with it that matters” - The Broken Hearts Gallery 

Thankful that I will be having a good night sleep this weekend. 

Ooopps. Impulsive buy at it’s finest. Hello ecosystem! 

I like that I can think now. 

If it’s a personal matter, kindly do it privately. You don’t need much audience most of the time. 

In a lifetime where we are required on wearing face shield and mask, talking privately is okay than talking out loud even we can’t understand each other. 

Another week, another stress. 

Instead of telling out loud your sympathy why not lend your hands to help

One of the days that I wish we are not having this new normal. Missing the good old days of this lifetime

Did you ever wish that somehow we can just be trap inside the social media world?

Are we even gonna survive this month?

The family drama that I’m not aware of and I’m not interested either to know. 

5 years. Who would have thought. 01.21.2021

There was a photo on my timehop that reminds me that it’s been a year since I first consulted for Lasik. I can’t believe that and finally I was able to do it late last year. 

Making a schedule for the whole year and I have so many questions 

It’s just Monday morning and I’m already exhausted

Now I’m trying not to put everything in one basket. I hope it wasn’t too late. 

Learned so much on meeting people and analyzing them without them knowing it. 

I’m developing a fear. 

I’m definitely a listen than a talker. 

If I will tell you the truth, will you even gonna believe me 

It is still silent in here but my anxiousness is so loud that I can’t even focus

If at this time you take it out of my plate, I think I will agree with you and I’m not going to fight it anymore. I already got the satisfaction when I fought for it years ago. 

With all of my “what if’s” I still believe that everything happens for a reason. 

So much of “no bullshit” letters. 

I like working behind the scene but the truth about it is not as fun if you don’t have any idea of the real world

Did I just let put myself on a lion’s den?

First of, you don’t need to know everything. 

There will always be two sides of the story and it’s either you save or sabotage yourself. 

Apparently, some people really live for gossip. 

Sometimes you just have to be thankful that you are not involve on something. 

Attention seeker are toxic

You might see me on a daily basis but let it be known that I’m not an open book

Some people are easy to read

The type of people that are toxic on our society. 

Even people seek for your opinion it is the one who got to make the decision and not the opinionated one. 

Too much of crab mentality. 

I really don’t trust chat groups

“Trust no one” - M’s tattoo

I shouldn’t be surprised when people have issues with acceptance

Friends, I miss you so bad :( 

In this current reality we live in, there are less memories with friends

People these days they will just focus on the bad side than the good ones before. 

Chill weekend and hopefully that is enough to be recharge before another busy week. 

January, that seem so fast. 

Waiting

You said you will be back today

I’ll personally pick you up if I can

So I’ll just wait

Wait for you ringtone to play

Wait for you to tell me you’re in Manila

Sorry if I’m being too clingy 

I never missed you this way

I just want you to be back

Even for a few days

Even I’ll just see you by 1 second

Even I can’t hug you

That I badly want to 

Just come home, baby

I miss you so much 

04.01.2019

On Repeat . Teardrop

 

Love, love is a verb

Love is a doing word

Fearless on my breath

Gentle impulsion

Shakes me, makes me lighter

Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire

Fearless on my breath

Night, night of matter

Black flowers blossom

Fearless on my breath

Black flowers blossom

Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire

Fearless on my

Water is my eye

Most faithful mirror

Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire

Of a confession

Fearless on my breath

Most faithful mirror

Fearless on my breath

Teardrop on the fire

Fearless on my breath

It's tumbling down (as in love falling apart) 

It's tumbling down (as in love falling apart)

On Repeat . mama's boy

 mama's boy by LANY

After how long I finally gave in to listen to this album with confidence that I will not cry while playing it on the background. It will be a while that this will be on repeat but no regrets as long as it will not make me cry like Malibu Nights. 

It will never be too late to listens to some new music.

Random . December 2020

 

On my lasik day, I got this number. 

~ 

Hello, December. 

Praying for a successful lasik surgery. 

Got to see a glimpse of today’s pink sky

Recovery starter pack: dimmed room and Echo Dot

Will you even notice that I’m not there today. Is that even noticeable maybe not. 

How do I do things? I don’t even know too. 

On leave for 2 days and here we go with my backlogs. 

Don’t blame someone just because you are angry to the person. Know the other reason. 

That’s why I stay away from people because they got a lot to say. They will never try to understand your point or reason and they think that they are always right. 

Don’t blame a person, blame the government. It’s a cycle. 

When people don’t know who to trust and when they don’t know what is confidential and not. 

How is that even possible that my brain is working so fast right now. I should be sleepy by now. 

I can’t really believe that my brain is working at 2AM

One week without glasses

You might not be a part of this but you will always be a part of them. 

You don’t have to be so loud all the time.  

If it’s already too much, let’s make a little issue a big one 

One thing for sure, I don’t need to explain myself to you. You are the one who need to do some explanation. 

Thank you for tonight, mela

When you have so much stuff to do but still choose to be in bed by 3PM

Sometimes you give people a chance but they don’t appreciate it, they just waste it. 

Why not spend your extra time for yourself than wasting it with other people. 

Why protect people that will never protect you in return 

I guess some people really don’t learn or maybe they are just new to the situation

I’m the first person in the list when it comes to details. 

Well, good to know that there are people who are not too much attentive. 

Eww. For not respecting the place and the other person for not wearing a damn mask. 

Trying to be nice

It was not me not liking you. I'm still kinda saving you but I guess you will not realize that because for you I'm always the villain. 

And still reality continue to eat us up. 

For the whole year, I’m just going to admit now that I'm too tired with everything

Just when your tears continues to fall down on your face

Some people will never try to understand humanity or maybe they just don't care about other people. 

Putting other people first before yourself is love but sometimes its just too much obligation if you don't have time for yourself. 

My favorite month but the busiest as well. 

Don't remind me of my birthday. I'm being too emotional about it. 

Apparently, you don't have to stock so much food because of expiration date

I understand everyone’s exhaustion but lets not make it more complicated so we can also avoid future problems

 

I guess I'll wear black for the rest of the year. 

Excuse me but I'm not going to make some talking for a while. 

Can I sleep for the rest of the year? 

Hate this feeling that I'm doubting myself so much. 

Somethings are really out of my control but I assure you that I already did my part and final decisions are not up to me. If only you knew. 

Being soft doesn't mean you're not strong. 

And just like that I somehow became careless. 

People don't realize that there’s such thing as karma and it work in different ways. 

When people are not even aware of their surrounding. 

Merry Christmas!

Thankful for a long weekend but I'm not sure with the 2 day work window before another long weekend and the stress after that. 

This year has been full of different new things. 

Good to know that these people think very differently. Make me realize that they know less than what I thought. 

It’s a rainy birthday on a Sunday aka be on bed all day. Lol Happy Birthday, self. 

Someone is making a little effort this time and he got it right as well. Haha Thank you, M. 

Aww so much love for my dude even she’s in Palawan!

Let it be known that on my birthday, it is not an exceptional day to check my socials more than I check it on a daily basis. I'm aware there are greetings posted on Facebook and some messages on Messenger and I thank you for that. 

Busy 2 days work window. Let's do this. 

 When it’s going to be a busy day ahead but your brain is still working at 4:30am

If you have a choice then choose. 

Doesn’t mean you know my mobile number doesn’t mean we are close. 

Don’t be a brat you’re not a queen 

You really made sure that I’ll see you shining so bright tonight. 🌙

Don’t lecture me on how I use my social media. 

You are shining bright again tonight. 🌙 

Watched “Fan Girl” and people will really take that differently just because they want to see Paulo but I tell you that it is very relatable. A very good message to all the fan boys and girls. Just watched it beyond the artist who portray the characters.  

“Dont meet your heroes they’re all fucking weirdos” - 929 Halsey

Time with the family  

Be thankful for everything. 

Happy New Year! 

2020 Year End.

 

Since I wasn’t able to do a birthday post this year, it will just be a year-end post. 

How to start remembering this year. 

January - seems so long ago but I was able to ... I’m really not sure what happened that time. Lol wait, Gem and I hang out once that month and I had my pitch perfect moment. Haha We are somehow planning trips by January.

February - another month that was so fast but I was able to hangout with Gem and Keith for the first and last time this year. 

March to December - everything was cancelled and we are ordered to stay home. If you are reading this, we survived. I'm in full stress since then. 

How come we are already just few hours away from 2021 that we were able to survive 2020? Let’s be honest that it wasn’t the year we all expected. Every plan was cancelled and everything changed. 

Probably the few things I loved during lockdown even all of us struggle in so many ways is that we were able to spend time with family. I’m sorry if your environment at home is a toxic one though I wish you were also be able to have time for yourself. 

I love that the nature healed at some point and I thought that somehow in the near future, we should really have a lockdown just for the nature to heal. 

Nothing new but I worried so much this year than the past year. 

I was able to baked a lot too. Tried different cooking as well and I tell you that there are also failures. Hehe but I enjoyed it. 

Got a quick date in the middle of all of these. 

Got my Lasik done 

Doubted myself more than the past years as well. 

I was tired a lot too but thankful that I’m still here. 

The screen on my Macbook isn't working for almost 6 months and it made me buy a TV

I built a smart room during pandemic

Online shopping is the answer for not being able to go to the mall. Though I already appreciate buying online ever since because you can just type away what you are looking for than wasting time at the mall. One thing I like about malls is that I can walk for hours

Thankful we have a house that I already feel safe even without this virus. 

So sorry for extroverts that were stuck at home for so long but introverts are very happy. Don't get me wrong I also miss being able to travel from hometown to MOA just because Gem have free time for me even on a weekday. 

I miss my solo travel to the city just because I’m so exhausted with hometown. 

In the middle of this year even though it wasn't even that noticeable, I somehow feared that I will not be able to do the things that I want to do personally but somehow I did it and here we are. 

Nikka gave birth and I still wasn't able to visit them and we didn't even got to celebrate our birthdays. 

Going back to March when Lhea was supposed to be back home from the UK but a week before her flight it was lockdown all over the world. We were supposed to be in La Union and Baguio and maybe a Palawan trip as well. Speaking of Palawan, it was somehow a plan to be there for the end of the year. 

Of course who knows where Gem and I was during summer vacation. Maybe I already did a solo travel if not because of the pandemic. 

I was planning to buy an Avril Lavigne concert ticket last minute. Who knows who were the artist that we were supposed to see this year. Maybe I was able to be reunited with my sisiw friends. Hehe. I miss you guys. 

Maybe another solo trip watching UAAP basketball. Who would have been the champion this year. I miss wearing that Green and Gold shirt and cheer for the team. 

There was supposed to be another trip with my college friends for a follow up to our La Union - Baguio trip. Scammers needs to unite. Haha

Two of my friends in college got their license as doctors this year and we weren't able to celebrate. Congrats Doc Ariane and Doc Doni!!! Miss you!

I miss having long talks with friends, I know there’s social media but let us all admit that being there at the moment having beer or coffee is so much different and much better. 

This pandemic somehow really teach us to be by ourself and family or to whoever you are with at home but really most especially is to appreciate yourself and life. 

I haven't mentioned that I got another tattoo this year. Somehow planning to add more before summer next year. 

Speaking of summer, I miss being at the beach witnessing that sky, sunset, sunrise and the ocean. I'm considering to go back to Boracay. 

Gem teased me already that I might be in Palawan every weekend if this is over. Seeing Amelia and Grace grow up and probably they don't know me once I get back there. I miss the extended family I got there. I miss Tita Bing too. This also includes Donita and Tita Nits. 

I'm somehow sure that I watched all of Brian Barczyk vlogs this year. 

I'm still on a success maintaining my usage of Facebook up to this year. 

Since we can't travel, you will notice the theme of the photos on my phone mostly the dogs.

I have an undercut for almost 6 months now. I also didn't dye my hair for so long that I just went back to it by October. 

Lost my grandma last August but not with the virus. Happy to announce as of this moment no one on my close friends and family got the virus. 

I cried a lot as well.

As if people will believe that I somehow really fought for them but it was beyond my control. 

In the pandemic we should really not depend on others but know that we are responsible for ourselves as well. 

I stopped reading books that I wasn't able to join the book club for so long because of my anxiety and lack of time for that. I wish I was able to read at least 10 books but it was just 5 this year so hopefully there will be some courage in me to read again next year. 

I somehow wasn't able to catch up on a lot of things since everything is online now because I got a life outside of the internet and I somehow don't trust it. 

I was able to not write and write some of my feelings over this year as well. There are some personal notes that I didn't even hold back what I wanted to say. The times where I don't write is that I'm avoiding too much feelings and I don't want to ugly cry that moment. I escape more this year because of much more concerns and responsibilities. 

I watch movies with family sometimes. That was our bonding moment. 

My laptop is already at 27% of battery and I'm not planning to charge it anymore since I just want to finish this and scheduled it for midnight since I will also be spending time with family. 

Maybe even I wasn't able to mention a lot of things, its good to back read my monthly post. 

One thing is for sure we are so ready to move on from 2020 that somehow ruined us but at the same time makes us stronger that we never thought it was possible. 

This pandemic will probably not be gone when the clock struck 12 midnight of 2021 but for all of us that is a sign of hope for not giving up even it was so hard and very uncertain year. Never in our lifetime we expect such event but as we are all experiencing this may we also still prepare for the worst because who knows but never lose your hope and faith. 

Live in the moment. 

Appreciate the little things. 

Have more patience, be open minded and accept the changes. 

Pandemic might not be a valid excuse for others but please be aware that we are still in the after effect and still might take some time for us to be back to the normal that we use to have. 

Thank you for the artists that still continue to release music that saves us this year even without tours. Please special appreciation for Taylor Swift. 

Thank you for all the people who greeted me on Facebook despite of me not seeing it as well as the few on the Messenger. Haha. Know that I don't have much time for that shit hole. 

Stay healthy and safe. 

Hopefully we can be back out there gain doing the things we love to do and hobbies without worrying so much

One day we will also be free of face mask and shields. 

Hopefully a little bit more better than 2020. 

I don't want to talk politics on this platform but we were really in a bad governance this year. 

~~~

Stay safe. 

Happy New Year! 

12.31.2020 /