Yes / No

If you are caught in the middle what is the best thing to do? 

Did I made the right decision? May not maybe yes but I followed my gut this time. I know its crazy that I followed my gut but some people can’t just understand how I see things or situation. Sometimes we all need an outsider to see it differently. Mostly because its for a lot of people and not for self interest. Sorry but I’m really not anyways.

After La Union trip its been exhausting once again. I badly want to escape hometown again even its not been a month after that trip. Our Airbnb got a very nice view there was a glass wall with the ocean as the view. I once again shut off everything by just staring at it anytime of the day. I love the ocean, always and as much as I love it I don’t want to ruin my excitement about being in the beach if I got easy access to it. I don’t want to take it for granted.

I was pretty amazed that I can shut off things when just staring at the ocean, the clouds and the sunset. I seriously want to go back to the beach, soon but I’m all aware that escaping is not the answer. I just wish I can sometimes do some random drive away just to have a regular-mini-escape since I’m already running out of outlet. I want to do it for sometime now but I can’t do it so just have to deal with what I can. 

Home wasn’t feel home too sometimes but at least I still have my room as my daily escape hopefully it will always stay like that.

Escaping is not the answer but I wish I can travel more than just the “once in while”. 

Just today, the yearly crave of new ink hit me and I can’t wait to have a new tattoo this year even I don’t have any idea on what to put first from my top 3. 

I’m also torn if I should stress eat again or not but somehow I’m unconsciously doing it.

I was also so close on having a quick trip to my home court earlier but I’m still on a very tight budgeting so I just decided to stay home and do a a movie marathon. I don’t even have someone to hang out with in there and I don’t know where to stay until morning.

It was the usual busy week and I can feel I’m being too fragile again this weekend but it was a different demon this time. I still try to fight this demons in my head since at some point I know where they're all coming from and then I just feel the unfair side of this life but then I have to change my mind set after.

At the end of the day, I’m still thankful for having an open mind maybe not with everything but as far as my life experience is concern. Taking risk sometimes even I don’t have any idea if it is worth it.

I don’t want to hate reality much as well disappear from my own responsibilities but all I want is just for people to act according to the right thing and I hate complicated things when we can all do uncomplicated once. Seriously, why does it have to be complicated.

Mike Franks once again remind me to “Admit that there are good reasons why you did the things you did”. #NCIS

Also thankful for music and of course my happy pill. 

This post is so random that I typed a month or so but I still want to put it in here for some unknown reason of my inner self. Well, this is me having random thought on a weekend night.