Random . October 2020

Shit. It’s October. 

Why Fridays feels like Monday. Ugh. 

Been craving for some crime show. Maybe it’s time to watch NCIS NOLA

Watching a love story is a trap. 

Hair dye. We meet again. I think I really need to dye this month since it was Halloween when it all started. 

Some people will never really understand my decisions. 

Trying not to be hooked on true crime documentaries 

Half way done with NCIS NOLA. 

You don’t have to say too much just fucking do it. 

“I may have not walked in your shoes but I’m gonna have your back” - Hannah Khoury S06E17

And I’m done with NCIS NOLA. Just the right time that the last episode of TWD is already released. 

The Walking Dead - binge - watch 

Negan talking about real shit and fucking save the day. 

Btw. The last episode of TWD was worthy. 

I’ve been refusing to write for the past weeks but tonight I’ll try. 

“Will I regret getting a tattoo sched for the next weekend? Lol as if but hopefully this will turn out great. 

Hopefully things will turn up the way it should be for this week. 

I wanted to ask the question because it shouldn’t be a big deal and when I was finally able to, I therefore conclude the true reason. 

I keep myself busy by baking and this is probably the last for a while

Not sure why I’m feeling so anxious most of the time so hopefully everything will be ok. 

I'm slowly going back on planning things.

We both don't know how crazy I can get. So let’s not get there.

Tech distraction again! Apple never disappoint for sure.

A little glitch but so far so good.

There are things that you should decide when you are thinking straight 

I can watch NCIS all day. 

Played Candy Crush again and it’s like a good distraction from browsing social media though my screen time will be so high. 

Why do people always talk shit 

Enough on bleaching, self 

Does being disconnected on social media also disconnects you in real life? Is that the standards right now?

Time to finish my forearm. 💉

Tattoo session is a therapy 

Crossing 2 bullets in my tattoo list

I doubt a lot of things 

I don't like imperfection but at some point being not perfect make sense

Cooked some spaghetti and mom doesn’t like it. Lol

This week went well, on to the next .

And just like that there’s only two episodes of NCIS S17 for me

Oh. We are famous again. 

“It took something from me. It’s what war does. You come home and you're like half a person. The other half of you still back there, where at least it made sense. Where even with the bullets and the blood and the chaos, you knew what mattered. You knew that the guy next to you was willing to die for you and you to him. And you look around and think, it shouldn't take a war to make the world that simple” - Jethro Gibbs NCIS S17E20

I’m trying to think of an alternative but it just pains me that even the alternative is not even possible. 

With or without this current situation, I got so many question on WHY

One promise. Does it means it will just be one time? 

Maybe I’ll start to write again even it comes with tears 

When I forgot the most essential right now which is mask, please know that I’m thinking a lot of things. Oh and I also forgot my phones. 

Was that my ex-bestfriend telling me that everything will be ok? #dream

I hope you still believe in yourself hundred percent even with so much restrictions. 

I badly miss planning trips.

I was already roaming at the mall with a lot of people without face shield and mask. #dream

One classic cartoon at a time

Attention to details

I've been stress eating the past few days

Sometimes, people can't keep up on me if I'm ready

One thing that I miss is traveling and for this month it’s basketball

Kids these days they think they are right. Wait until they meet an accident or a 360 degree life change until they learn

I can't sleep. I'm so anxious for this . 

Still so hesitant to eat outside

Thank you, M. 10.25.2020

When yesterday was a happy one, you got to be on the opposite side today  

Thankful for some stock. I got 2 for the first time tonight

Once again in tears

No excuses for my bad days

My hands being so full will never be a distraction with what I'm feeling right now. 

1 more again tonight. 

Sometimes, I got no sympathy for other people anymore. 

Losing patience.

We all did survive the last few months but for how long we are going to hold on? 

I'm not scared that we are all not going to get back to what was normal but the fact that we are all not sure on how long this will be scares me the most. 

I was so anxious when I started writing “October” look at us now, just a few minutes away from November. 

Fingers crossed on that raffle. 

Hair Dye-ary . 8th Year

For the past years, I haven’t really update my hair dye-ary link. I just get used to having hair dye and a continuous post about it will be boring but one thing I’m sure of, I came a long way back from when I started bleaching my hair in 2012. 

I forgot what made me decide to do hair dye but for sure it was boredom. Lol

I checked and my last post about hair dye was in 2017. That was 3 years ago and I lost track on how many changes happened during that 3 years but I got pictures somewhere on the hard drive and on my Tumblr. 

Why am I writing again about this after 3 years with being consistent on hair dye because this year it’s a little bit of a big deal. 

For the past years, an event or going somewhere to travel or even just the UAAP season are sign to dye or to change color but this year was pretty much what we all didn’t expect. 

The last dye that I did I think was December 2019, I badly wanted to do red so I did it with GDY’s Rock Lobster. Then I just let it fade then right before quarantine I was still able to bleach my roots. That’s it the next bleaching happened last month (September 2020) and I never had the courage to dye my hair crazy colors because everything is just too much at the moment. 

I just give myself a trim which was very useful during lockdown that I do my haircut for years now. Oh and I finally decided to do an undercut since June 2020 and my mom is maintaining the trims when I feel that it’s already long or when it is already on it’s awkward stage. I wish I did it a long time ago!

Back to the dye and my reasons, quarantine went fine I guess but when it was already ber-months and we’re still like this, I know that I don’t have to wait for some major event just to go back with dyeing. Time and day are still moving so fast that the pandemic can’t even take them down. Same with the other things that are cancelled, I'm slowly trying to plan things little by little just because we will never know. 

Why wait for some major event in a pandemic world might as well do it now. 

October 31, 2012 started it all and it’s been 8 years now and as a preparation to my 8th year anniversary, I decided that I should just do it even without events or travel. 

Bleached my hair last month then ordered some hair dye since I realized I don’t have much dye anymore and I really wanted to do green since I miss it already as much as I miss the UAAP season. I’m doing green before end of the month and maybe go with red again for December. 

When I decided that I should go back with dyeing, I honestly realized that I’m somehow incomplete for the past months of not doing it. Maybe it will brighten my vibe as well. 

This is taking a little much preparation since I already started with my leftovers, a light pink and yellow then a little bit of hair care when it fades then it’s green time. I can’t wait. 

I’m also going to try a new brand called iroiro. I’ve been using Manic Panic for years and was able to try Arctic Fox as well. I’m thinking of buying from GDY but international orders are a little bit of a risk as of the moment but I found a Kowabunga on Rainbow Head that is on hand and on sale. Surprisingly it was the first formula of Kowabunga which is no big deal to me since I still have the first formula of Riot!, Rock Lobster and Steal my Sunshine. I was somehow preserving them but I’m going to use them after going green. Let’s do this. 

And I lost count on how many times I already did bleach my hair and last weekend was the last for sure. 

The One Who Always Disagree

 To the one who always disagree but at the same time a true fan, Mom this is for you.

"So this spiral, this is the golden ratio, and it's a mathematical pattern that just repeats itself in nature. In a flower petals, and honey bees and you know, the stars in the galaxy, and in every molecule of our DNA." - Cosima Niehaus | Orphan Black 

Random . September 2020

 

I’m being so anxious knowing that it is already ber- month and we are still like this. 

Manner. 

I was pressured even I wasn’t being pressured. That’s why I know I don’t need to do something I’m not into. 

600 words are better than nothing. 

Since I’m not into watching lately, hopefully I will be able to read soon.

Weird dreams but somehow I like it. 

Can’t stop opening Instagram. 

Theres too much time to reflect. 

I guess we are going back to the usual normal. 

I hate using ball pens 

Is it still valid to feel bad for some action that I regret 12 years ago?

I miss you everyday, Papa. 09.11.2020

Too much anxiety 

I hope it is easy to build something as much as it is easy to destroy things. 

Trying to figure out my impromptu schedule for a busy weekend. 

As much as I’m scared, I have to deal one day at a time. #21 

Social media detox. 

This is a different level of frustration 

I don’t want to overthink things but there will always be the fear of the unknown. 

Why do I keep on hearing sad songs. 

Whether we are ready or not, it will really affect the people we will left behind. 

You don’t need tears of other people to know your worth. 

My song choices will be so weird for you. 

When you forgot to take extra precautions. I’m the greatest silent eavesdropper. 

That was a good tech distraction. #AppleEvent 

My heart is so happy to be back in Cubao.

It was just yesterday when we were in Cubao but it feels like forever ago already.

It was possible to be silent and a little bit quiet was nice. I'm asking myself on how long it will be. Lol

Bleached my hair just because I'm bored. 

Because of a throwback photo, I ended up with 2 hours video call with the Chikababes. No regrets. That was 2 hours of sanity.

Bleached my hair without the colors that I wanted so I ordered some hair dye. Excuse my bleach hair for a moment.

Everyone is hating me because I hate noisy people. 

It isn't a healthy competition anymore. Why waste time about it and this current reality should wake you up.

Let’s try to catch up on my TV series.

And just like that I’m almost done with #TheBlacklist

“Sometimes there’s no choice” - Raymond Reddington #TheBlacklist S07E18

Will there be any chance that Samsung will make a cheaper S10e style

I'm done with #TheBlacklist and that last episode is so good and glad that they were able to finish that. It was always so good to see that group. 

New series, #Ratched.

Dentist . 

One day, people will just forget how cautious they are today. 

It Will be October in a few days. What?! How come we are still like this. This year totally taken away from us.

So good to validate on myself that there are things that people don't know that I do.

I usually bake for the people at home and there are two outcomes; 1)if it’s really good it will be gone instantly and 2) it’s not good at all. Haha

So you have time to binge watch tv series or whatever you watch, why not give time to learn how to do stuff that you really need to know online. People who doesn’t give time to important stuff to learn but have more time to browse Facebook and watch series for hours. 

When they see Facebook as a threat. Lol. Kindly address the real problems here, sir.

Thankful for some extra days before deadlines. 

Writing “October” scares me somehow.

On Repeat . Chromatica

Chromatica by Lady Gaga 

On Repeat . Westlife

Probably the first band that I've been addicted to. I can still remember those days on the old house of my grandparents when we all love Westlife. 

I was able to see them in Manila as my maybe first ever concert in 2001 which I can't honestly remember. I was 10 years old. 

I don't know why but I'm recently just listening to "This Is _____ " on Spotify since it is easy to command my Echo Dot when I need some songs to play in the background with random artists.

As a throwback, I listen to them.

I honestly stopped listening to Westlife for so long now but dang their songs are still my jam that I still know by heart some lyrics but I honestly lost track with them through the years.

Maybe next time will be A1. 

Love this guys so much. They made me started with my love for music. 

Please don't ask me what is my favorite Westlife song. haha 

A Different Vibe

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A post shared by Aivrin Villamayor (@aeivryn) on Sep 18, 2020 at 8:51am PDT

My heart is so satisfied. 

My last post was about missing a lot of things for me being so exhausted at home town. 

I was able to be back at home court and it feel so good. 

Not gonna lie but as it was so satisfying, you can’t deny that something was missing as well. 

Just being there and breathing that Cubao air and as OA as it is, I felt a hug when I went down the car. 

I’m home. 

I feel like crying but I was smiling from ear to ear under my face mask and face shield. 

Typical weekend at home court is a busy one, people just passing by to get home or to that fast food chain to hang out with friends. Some meet for that road trip to the north for a weekend in Baguio or La Union. Usually at this time of the year, there are people having dinner or drinks wearing their university shirt who just watched a very intense game of UAAP. Sometimes there are concerts. 

That Starbucks on Green Gate will be so full of people. KFC, Bonchon and Mcdo doesn’t have any seats available as it is so full as well. 

Where me and my friends will be on the hunt of a place that have available table to eat. 

I miss that kind of weekend. 

Earlier it was the same place, same feeling but different vibe. 

It was so satisfying to be there once again but it feels like it was a Sunday morning or a very late 1am of a weekday as there are only few people. 

It was also the first time where I went to the mall and shop a little bit for some retail therapy and a little bit of grocery shopping as well that can’t be find here in SM. 

I’m tired but I’m happy and I feel so renewed. 

I also need another one soon but this will do for now. 

And I still miss that jeep trip. 

09.18.2020 01:14 

Missing

 

I’m so bummed that it is already ber-month and we are still like this. I can’t even remember how early of this year feels like or even just the normality. 

Early this “quarantine” I already accepted that we all needed some break from normalcy just to give some attention to what was usually taken for granted. It’s been months with no major changes, no concrete plans on how to handle such situation and as they are selfish as they are, I’m already lost in this kind of reality. 

I look back on what really happened in my last 6 months and starting to compare it if ever life went by with the life we’re used to. 

6 months and counting was and will still be somehow taken away from all of us. My plan for this year was, meet Lhea late March and have a nice La Union trip before she leave. Travel with Gem to another foreign country for the first time. Maybe I will finally do another solo trip. Watch concerts. Wait for new concerts in Manila or somewhere in Asia just to find a way to travel. Go back to Taiwan because I really love there. The rest of the time will be staying in before traveling again. Maybe I was able to visit extend family as well. Maybe accomplished my 2020 goal. 

What really happened, staying in for 6 months and maybe for the rest of the year, was able to spent time with family. Enjoying grocery trip, getting used on wearing mask and now face shield in public which I still find awkward but every one is required to. 

I miss impromptu meet up with friends. Staying in home court until midnight and enjoy the midnight jeep trip. 

I miss observing people in public places. 

I miss commuting. Jeep trip, bus and train rides. 

I miss going to MOA from hometown just to meet Gem. 

I wish we were able to meet up as soon as possible when Keith needed us. 

This is why I go out from hometown once in a while before. Staying in is also so exhausting at times. I’m a home buddy but if it’s too much I also want to explore somewhere then just go back at the end of the day. 

I never taken my city travel for granted that’s for sure. 

I never taking being at home for granted as well. 

It’s just that this pandemic and current reality is so exhausting. 

Though I’m thankful for this current time where we can talk on social media, still do virtual hang out with friends but of course we all know the difference. 

Some things are just unacceptable for the past months and I guess we just have to accept that. 

Few things I hate during this time are people who doesn’t have an inch on consideration in life. Before we don’t know if a person is going through something personal but compare to now, we are in a middle of pandemic with no concrete plans on what to do, people lost their jobs because of selfishness and most of us are adjusting with this kind of life. Survival it is and I get it you do your job to get paid and think of your family but there’s more beyond that. I’ve seen people who gives and I’ve seen people who are selfish. Some people ask for help but if you ever asked please don’t expect too much in return, we are all being affected by this. 

This is really life changing situation which can affect future growth and personal decisions. 

Never aware this kind of event happened before and now we are living in it and hopefully we will still survive this time. 

Hopeful to be able to travel again soon, not wearing of mask in public and face shield. 

I wish it was easy to have that lunch or dinner date. 

I miss the usual.

09.04.2020 / 02:09