Random . June 2020

June 1st and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to survive this month, again. 

Fear of the unknown is real right now. 

Somethings are out of my control and I can’t do anything about it. 

Someone wants me locked up for a certain time. It was such a good distraction. 

Stress eating 101 

With what is happening in this country and to the world, this is just too much to handle. 

I’m about to watch Westworld S03 and I just watched a S02 recap and I can’t even remember a thing!

What will 2020 looks like in history books? 

Finally decided to catch up on my TV series and for now, Westworld. 

Hopefully my three parcels will arrive today. 

Is it weird that the past few years we are trying to lessen the use of plastic and now we are relying to it as a safety net. Same with trash we are trying to at least recycle but now everything needs to be disposable. 

For now, I just want to survive this week. 

Don’t judge me on who I talked to because I have boundaries to everyone. 

Who knows, you might need them eventually. 

Upgraded my Blackberry to Android and its fun to customize and to usey USB-C but iOS is iOS. Good thing I use both because you can’t have both Android but you can have multiple Apple products. ;)

I can't handle all of this at once

Social media is so toxic especially right now

Baguio and La Union with college friends was a year ago! 

Just look what can a year change

Happy Birthday Karlo! I miss you! 

Got addicted to a game then deleted it the next day. lol

Finishing the second half of #HTGAWM

Samsung is really the competition

When you run away from it and left the people to suffer

Before you react, make sure you are 100% clean 

So freaking hot

SHIT

What a beautiful ending #HTGAWM

So good to sleep with the sound of the rain

I don't really want to be caught in the act where I don't know what to do next especially when I have no other option. 

Can I disappear for the next few days? I really don't know what to do next. This is too much to handle. For real.

Somehow thankful that wearing a mask is a requirement these days. 

I'm wearing pants again after 2 months

I'm aware of a lot of things that you will never know.

Can I just cry until everything to be okay?

Stress eating. again. 

First my laptop now my work pc. What is happening 😭  

No regrets on what was my decision before but what if I gave it up that time? 

So chill even my work pc looks like need some reformat but F*CK. 

I might break down today. 

If I can choose, I’ll just choose the personal attack than this which btw a result of a person being selfish. 

One problem solve more to go. 

I’m already exhausted with everything that I want to get away for who knows how long. 

Stumbled upon old conversation and it’s making me emotional. 

If I can’t voice out my decision I let other people to know why I can’t in a way that they will also see what I see but unfortunately, some people are just plain stupid. 

No need to rush if I have time to spare 

#TheLastDance have us a snippet of what was the world of basketball before and now I’m missing basketball so much. 

It’s not about legacy or reputation anymore. It’s about making the right decision. 

If anyone told us 6 years ago that there will be a pandemic in 2020 that will change out life 100%, of course no one cares let alone believe. Unlike the way we were aware of 2012. 

Watching a travel tv show is making me miss exploring another country. 

Bangkok is still on the bucket list. 

Sometimes you don’t have to gamble everything even you can oversee what is ahead. 

If we are depending on someone or something, consider the reality that comes with life. 

Doesn’t mean you got that dream is that it will be instantly become reality. It’s good to dream and make it to reality but don’t forget the long road you’ll have to take before you get there. 

#WWDC was a nice escape

Simple life, hanging out, birthday, family, friends and sunset. #dream

Personal attacks because on how I treat you and my personality is ok but judging how I decide on things by also depending on situation is not. 

If I can escape right now, I will and you won’t probably find me. 

Takes a lot of courage to get out of bed, to get out of my room let alone be seen by people while they judge. 

Will I survive this week? Not sure. 

Is it possible not to lose myself in this process? In a process where you have to think of others before yourself. 

Did I even made a wrong decision along the way? 

One thing is for sure, I’m not blaming myself. 

It’s been a month since I decided not to. Surprisingly it’s making me emotional. 06.23.2020

People will never try to understand you. Sad truth. 

I have few goals to get through this. 

I’m so close in having panic attack

Let’s try not to ruin some things when I’m on this kind of clumsiness

If I have to do it again I will but there will be differences. 

I somehow wish it was just 8 or 16 and not 24. 

When your own vision isn’t the same as mine. 

There’s nothing wrong on seeking some help. 

Feels like selling half of myself. 

Be careful on what we wish. 

Baguio and school hangs. I’m missing the good old days. 

If not heart burn it is anxiety for real. 

I guess that was too early to be comfortable for the weekend. 

Not sure in what will happen next. I’m so clueless. 

I finally did an undercut

Busy weekend and an unpredictable week ahead. 

That was a little spark of hope

My geek heart is so pumped up to but I think I still need to wait for a proper upgrade

I can be a brat but I choose not to

Prioritizing the social status while you are literally failing in reality. 

I did survive this month. 

6 more months for this year.

Escape

As he is scheduled to go home to Bicol this weekend or any day soon I was just thinking that I miss some legit vacation. (He made it safely to Bicol, btw) 

As stress and anxiety are consuming me so much these days and with this pandemic and with all the  events that keep on happening I wish that I could go with him to escape. I miss going on a very quick vacation. As if I will choose a quick vacation this time. 

If I really do not think much and I’m so very careless lately, I will really escape. Everything is really too much to handle. I’m already exhausted. 

How can we able to do some quick vacation like we do weekend trips. Will it still possible? Right now, if you decide to travel you should have some papers that you can to travel from point a to b. I know it will not last that way but think of future travels. Will it be as easy or we need to have permits. 

I was watching earlier the video that I made during my first trip to Jakarta and I’m missing that kind of reality. 

Everything really changes in the way we act outside and unfortunately, some people still act the same. 

I know we can all just move on from all of this but can we also not forget that we literally just lost few months in our life. For some its not really too much that you can’t make it a big deal but really how can we keep up with time and day when we lost a few months of the usual normal? It will also take some time to really catch up with life in general. 

As I finish watching #TheLastDance it makes me miss basketball too. Watching live basketball game is an easy escape. 

Right now the only quick escape that I can do is go to the grocery to buy stuff and do some impulsive buy online. Really expensive than doing some quick escape. 

Missing a lot of things lately. 

I’m missing a lot of people too. 

Grocery Trip

In the past I'm ok for not leaving town for a while mostly to save money and if friends are busy what am I going to do out there right? Since we are locked down for the past couple of months, to be honest I'm missing the city.

The perks of living in a small town is quite okay during lock down since SM is just across the street, we can still go out of the house because village life.

I do grocery once a week and this is the only time we really did grocery to have stock of food. We usually don't do it since before we are mostly out and as I said, SM is just across the street we can go anytime when we need something but this time it was different. I was doing grocery and almost filling up a big cart. Usually after work for me to de-stress and for me to close my rings on my Apple Watch, I roam around SM at around 7pm to buy dinner or just look around, there are times that I will do quick grocery stop just to buy something and one last memory of before was I just hold what I buy just so I will not spend much. Recently, I just get what I see that may be needed or be useful at some point that is available because one day there's so much and the next day, there's already none.

Having some stock is not that bad to be honest. Some may call it hoarding but the way I do it, it's not just buy everything all at once. What I do is that every grocery trip, I buy milk since my sister is a milk monster I buy max of 10pcs (1L) of fresh milk then the next grocery trip if there's milk I get 4pcs (1L) and again on the next trip because sometimes there's no milk available. If you prefer a specific brand, you really have to stock up. On my personal stuff, for example on cotton buds, I buy 2 packs then if I open another pack I already list it as need to buy for the next grocery trip.

When someone saw my usual 3 each of shampoo and conditioner, she said it was much but it's handy if you already ran out of shampoo or conditioner and I don't like that and I use a specific brand that can be rarely find and very rare to be in stock at the grocery. Nearby SM doesn't even hold up so much unlike the other grocery or by SM Hypermarket.

Same with food, my sister will tell me that I once again bought a pack of crackers when we already have 10 packs at home but the dogs usually eat crackers 2-3 times a day so we really need that.

It's not hoarding if you are slowly filling your pantry but also don't abuse your stock.

One time my aunt ran out of specific brand of milk that she buy. I told her to buy more then next time she can buy 1-2 just to fill it up.

I once hoarded All Purpose Cream because it took weeks before it got stock up in the grocery and everyone is making something with All Purpose Cream. 

I recently hoarded Vanilla Extract since there were a lot at the grocery after months and the next day, they were none. 

Going out mostly means grocery trip and it still therapeutic even there are changes.

I also changed my SM trip, I don't usually go everyday if I can I still do once a week unless I need to go and buy some stuff and I do it now by 5pm because stores closes at 6pm but grocery is up to 7pm. Imagine that are my usual go to SM time but now they closes by that time. 

Missing the old times but I'm also loving this current reality we are in. I just hate that some people are still living like the usual when everything almost changed.

If you are not the one assigned doing your weekly grocery, I hope it is also therapeutic for you too. 

Keep safe! 

Out

The last time I was out of town was March 10, 2020. I was already hesitant to go out that day since the rumor of lock down is just around the corner and I don't want to cancel my appointment at the same time plus I also needed to be out there.

There are a bit changes already that time, there are few people on the mall and I was already cautious on my surrounding. I still decided to stay a little bit longer at Megamall even it was also exhausting being outside when you are all done with everything but I really needed that alone time in a public space.

Can't remember the last before that day when I spend time alone in a public place and just be with my thoughts and write. I'm missing home court already. Staying there late and be at some specific fast food or coffee shop. I miss MOA too!

I live outside the city but sometimes I also need to be in the city if I'm so exhausted in the small town life at the end of the day, I still go back in here.

It was also weird to see the empty street in the afternoon. Its not new to me but empty streets are just normal when I'm going home late.

Might still be a while before we get back to what was before now that we should be living with restrictions when we're out and to be more cautious on our surrounding.

But since we can't be on lock down forever, just be extra careful and if you really don't have business outside, just stay at home. I know it doesn't apply to everyone but be extra cautious trust no one.