Random . December 2018

Birth month. 

Denial or I'm afraid to snapped out from reality?

You will never accept how I can wait when lining up. 

Sorry but I'll roll my eyes because I stopped believing. 

Learn from failure but never be a forever failure because when that happened, it means you never learn. 

My head is all over the place trying to analyze lot of this so don't make me speak up. 

I really hate the political side of things. 

Thank you, Mama. 

Whoa what a reunion with Brobabes. 

Feels like everything is so fast that I think I need to slow down a little bit but I'm also on schedule. I need some time off. :(

Half of December is done. Slowdown 2018. 

You can't even handle simple task while questioning other people's capability. 

What you see is what you get but mostly you don't have a backstage pass. 

I have tons in my head and I have to let things out. #nofreetime

Fingers crossed for the plans this week. Hopefully it will happen. 

I make sure that most of attendees will at least have something to take home with. I hope you will appreciate it small or big. Merry Christmas. 

I assume you all had a good laugh. :)

Tattoo appointment today!!!

5 tattoo in 1 sitting and mom is freaking out. So in love with all of it. And just like that, the guy is also starting on his other leg. Tsk Tsk. Hahaha

The idea of freehand was scary but I like the result. 

My new tattoos are not even a week old but I'm already thinking of the next ones. 

So good to know from twitter that basic gifts like the necessary are appreciated now. I was planning to write a blog post about it but it's already Christmas eve and nothing was written. Lol #nofreetime

Rainy Christmas. 

Dear self, 3 days of work won't hurt except it includes your birthday. Lol. What birthday. 

Happy birthday, self. 

Social media detox. Lol. 

Wtf. That was even worse than before. For all people! #21

Same as last year and on the next to come, I was not able to thank people who greeted me on Facebook except for a very few. And I think it's already too late to say thank you. Lol but thank you! :)

Pushing myself to write a year end realization before the crazy New Year's eve. 

I realized some good things you've done but it doesn't save you for being a nightmare to everyone. 

Last weekend of 2018 and it's rainy, I love it. 

Will the rain stop for New Years eve? 

Thankful for holidays I have more time to be in bed. 

Last minute hair dye to welcome 2019.

Thank you, 2018.

2018

There are some vivid memory of early this year. This year I decided to make a trip to Jakarta a month away from the concert of Paramore. Met some very nice people because of that impulsive decision, visited Jakarta twice since the February show was cancelled. 

Can't remember much but all I know was, I invested most of my time keeping track with Paramore while waiting for August. Then been so broke after it. Lol. I saw Halsey too and I fall in love with her even more. 

Been to Palawan for Tita Bing's 60th birthday party. Then come back 2 months later for her funeral. Palawan trip was already different when we all came back there so as to future trips. 

November was a huge challenge for the family too since my grandmother was getting weak each day and she passed on December 3rd. She was also rushed to ICU the day I was scheduled to fly to Palawan for Tita's birthday but my mom said go and for Tita Bing, I pushed it through. No regrets. I'm sure people will also understand if only they knew. 

Whatever have an ending maybe ended this year. Some might hate 2018 while some love it so much that they don't want to let this year go. It might be an ending for some but it's also a beginning for others. 

I was rereading my monthly rants and one thing for sure, I lost me-time this year. Meaning I lost a day on reflecting on what happened every event. To be honest until know I'm lost, I'm just really forcing myself to write this up so for the sake of reflection and to release some crazy thoughts. I think that I wasn't able to grieve for losing 2 women who's an inspiration on different aspects. 

This year was a challenge and it is continuing to challenge me even on its last days. As always a year is one roller coaster ride. I literally forget to mention some important but I'm still and forever be thankful for the laughter and sadness of this year. It was a great experience and a lesson even this last month was all rushing. Time won't slow down and the universe doesn't want us to have down time. My ending, no time to reflect and I feel like 24 hours in not enough. 

There are so many to mention but all I got was some recent memories. Some of it I already let go. 

One highlight is that I really tried to get rid of Facebook but I consider is as an open communication for some like classmate from grade school, high school and most especially college. It's still a major role for most people but I control my usage, that's a huge effort. It was this year when I was bashed by someone on social media. It was terrible. 

I hit the most rock bottom of my life.

But I got my way back on my track even it's a little bumped. 

I got 5 tattoos in one session after 2 years. It was satisfying. 

Even on the last day of this year, I think it's rushing to the end. 

One last, sorry if somehow I disappointed you. Also, thank you to the people who believed.

I think this is enough for my year-end post. 

Whether you had a happy or sad 2018, let's just be thankful for it. There is really something nice despite of the bad ones. 

Wishing us all strength and guidance from above for 2019. 

Happy New Year.

On Repeat . The High Road (2018)

The High Road by Jojo

Next with her first release, The High Road was my jam for years.

Let us enjoy this new version of Jojo's The High Road.

On Repeat . Jojo (2018)

Jojo by Jojo

This album is on my playlist ever since and I'm familiar with her issues about the her previous record label and recently I wasn't that updated but I'm glad that twitter always update me with news and this new rendition of her album was a surprise.

On Repeat . Without Me (Live Lounge)

Without Me by Halsey

Found you when your heart was broke

I filled your cup until it overflowed

Took it so far to keep you close (Keep you close)

I was afraid to leave you on your own

I said I'd catch you if you fall

And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (All)

And then I got you off your knees

Put you right back on your feet

Just so you can take advantage of me

Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there

Feeling so high but too far away to hold me

You know I'm the one who put you up there

Name in the sky

Does it ever get lonely?

Thinking you could live without me

Thinking you could live without me

Baby, I'm the one who put you up there

I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)

Thinking you could live without me

Live without me

Baby, I'm the one who put you up there

I don't know why (I don't know why, yeah yeah)

Gave love 'bout a hundred tries (hundred tries)

Just running from the demons in your mind

Then I took yours and made 'em mine (made 'em mine)

I didn't notice 'cause my love was blind

Said I'd catch you if you fall (fall)

And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (all)

And then I got you off your knees

Put you right back on your feet

Just so you can take advantage of me

Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there

Feeling so high but too far away to hold me

You know I'm the one who put you up there

Name in the sky

Does it ever get lonely?

Thinking you could live without me

Thinking you could live without me

Baby, I'm the one who put you up there

I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)

Thinking you could live without me

Live without me

Baby, I'm the one who put you up there

I don't know why, yeah

You don't have to say just what you did

I already know (I know)

I had to go and find out from them

So tell me how's it feel (oh-woah)

Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there

Feeling so high but too far away to hold me

You know I'm the one who put you up there

Name in the sky

Does it ever get lonely?

Thinking you could live without me

Thinking you could live without me

Baby, I'm the one who put you up there

I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)

On Repeat . Without Me (Victoria Secret Fashion Show 2018)

I knew that she will perform at the Victoria's Secret but dang I had no idea that it will be like this. After watching it couple of times I wish the there a specific camera just for Halsey. 

I haven't listen to this song because I was so into Trench or Malibu Nights when it was released and now that I'm so done with Malibu Nights and soon to be over with Trench here I am listening now to other artists. Slowly I know I'm going to listen to the others. lol

I saw her last August and until today, I'm glad that I did. 

Again, if ever she will pass when it's near you, please see her live. 

I'll put the music video for Without Me below too. 

Last Saturday

I decided to get out of town on a weekend since all I thought that I will be having a dinner with friends but didn't happen. I somehow not sure if going out was worth it though, I was able to buy something I need and satisfied my cravings. 

I don't usually go out on weekends because traffic and too many people on the mall and elsewhere so I rather stay at home. 

2 hours from hometown to Megamall. 

3 hours in Megamall just roaming around. Realized that online shopping is more fun and less hassle. 

2 hours in home court. 

1.5 hours going home. 

I didn't regret going out last Saturday since I was able to clear my head. 

For once again, I was a nobody in a crowd. 

I didn't shop anything I don't need and honestly ever since last month I'm trying so hard not to buy the unnecessary. Except for what I'm eyeing but not now. Not yet. Lol 

To be honest, it feels good even though that friends cancelled that dinner. 

I'm good not going out for maybe the rest of the year since it will be a very busy December but waiting for that rescheduled dinner with Brobabes. 

112618

Random . November 2018

Time with cousins. 

Planning my future tattoos will keep me sane for the rest of my lifetime. 

Thank you. #21

What long weekend? 

Another reunion with friends. 

As much as I think that I'm trapped in here, I just realized that I'm really not. 

Good thing I decided to leave when I went to college. 

Grow up. 

Trying not to buy some unnecessary stuff ever since last month. It's been a real challenge. 

Happy birthday, daddy. 

Wtf. Hahaha long time no see, ex-bff first love. Lol

Another day that I tapped myself at the back and assuring that I'm really my father's daughter. 

I smell comparison on the coming weeks. 

People will not fully understand how life works. Oh yeah, they don't have a fucking idea about it. 

Been invisible for so long. I'm not expecting to be visible now. 

The system isn't perfect don't act like it is. 

Happy birthday, sissy. 

This 11.11 is making me anxious. / Yay! For straight 3 years, I was able to have a good deal during 11.11. 

The system is the main reason why. 

Defense mechanism or not stop the bullsht. 

When things are okay, people don't care. When things are complicated, people will show up to make you confused. 

This is rude but I'm somehow thankful that we weren't exposed to that side. 

Happy Fiesta, hometown. 

Been a while since I went out of town for leisure. 

Will I regret going to the mall on a weekend? Surprise. I didn't regret it. 

Oh well. That was a good run, FEU. See you next season. 

Goal achieved: no UAAP basketball ticket for this season. 

This is one reason why I didn't pursue the medical field. 

I was in Nashville for a brief moment watching Hayley to finally get a hair dye once again. 1127 

Not feeling good on a busy week. Hopefully I'll be okay in the morning.  

What if we ditch it? Lol.

I want to be nice to people but when they don't have common sense, oh fck. 

Thank you, November. You've been nice‎

On Repeat . 9 Crimes (Damien Rice cover [Live Lounge])

Leave me out with the waste

This is not what I do

It's the wrong kind of place

To be thinking of you

It's the wrong time

For somebody new

It's a small crime

And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?

Give my gun away when it's loaded

Is that alright?

If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it

Is that alright?

Give my gun away when it's loaded

Is that alright

Is that alright with you?

Leave me out with the waste

This is not what I do

It's the wrong kind of place

To be cheating on you

It's the wrong time

But she's pulling me through

It's a small crime

And I've got no excuse

Is that alright?

Give my gun away when it's loaded

Is that alright?

If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it

Is that alright?

Give my gun away when it's loaded

Is that alright

Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?

Is that alright?

Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?

Is that alright?

Is that alright with you?

No

On Repeat . Neon Gravestones (Live Lounge)

What's my problem?
Well, I want you to follow me down to the bottom
Underneath the insane asylum
Keep your wits about you while you got 'em
'Cause your wits are first to go while you're problem-solving
And my problem?
We glorify those, even more, when they
My opinion
Our culture can treat a loss
Like it's a win and right before we turn on them
We give them the highest of praise, and hang their banner from a ceiling
Communicating, further engraving
An earlier grave is an optional way
No

Neon gravestones try to call
(Neon gravestones try to call)
Neon gravestones try to call for my bones
(Neon gravestones try to call)
Call
(For my bones)
Call, call, call
Call
Call

What's my problem?
Don't get it twisted
It's with the people we praise who may have assisted
I could use the streams and extra conversations
I could give up, and boost up my reputation
I could go out with a bang
They would know my name
They would host and post a celebration
My opinion will not be lenient
My opinion, it's real convenient
Our words are loud, but now I'm talking action
We don't get enough love?
Well, they get a fraction
They say, "How could he go if he's got everything?"
I'll mourn for a kid, but won't cry for a king

Neon gravestones try to call
(Neon gravestones try to call)
Neon gravestones try to call for my bones
(Neon gravestones try to call)
Call
(For my bones)
Call, call, call
Call
Call

Promise me this
If I lose to myself
You won't mourn a day
And you'll move onto someone else
Promise me this
If I lose to myself
You won't mourn a day
And you'll move onto someone else

(Call)
(Call)

Neon gravestones try to call
(Neon gravestones try to call)
Neon gravestones try to call for my bones
(Call, call, call)
Neon gravestones try to call
(Neon gravestones try to call)
Neon gravestones try to call for my bones

But they won't get them
No, they won't get them
They won't get them
But they won't get them

Don't get me wrong
The rise in awareness
Is beating a stigma that no longer scares us
But for sake of discussion
In spirit of fairness
Could we give this some room for a new point of view?
And, could it be true that some could be tempted
To use this mistake as a form of aggression?
A form of succession?
A form of a weapon?
Thinking "I'll teach them"
Well, I'm refusing the lesson
It won't resonate in our minds
I'm not disrespecting what was left behind
Just pleading that "it" does not get glorified
Maybe we swap out what it is that we hold so high
Find your grandparents or someone of age
Pay some respects for the path that they paved
To life, they were dedicated
Now, that should be celebrated

On Repeat . My Blood (Live Lounge)

When everyone you thought you knew
Deserts your fight, I'll go with you
You're facin' down a dark hall
I'll grab my light and go with you

I'll go with you, I'll go with you
I'll go with you, I'll go with you
I'll go with you, I'll go with you
I'll go with you

Surrounded and up against a wall
I'll shred 'em all and go with you
When choices end, you must defend
I'll grab my bat and go with you

I'll go with you, I'll go with you
I'll go with you, yeah

Stay with me, no, you don't need to run
Stay with me, my blood, you don't need to run
Stay with me, no, you don't need to run
Stay with me, my blood, you don't need to run

If there comes a day
People posted up at the end of your driveway
They're callin' for your head and they're callin' for your name
I'll bomb down on 'em, I'm comin' through
Do they know I was grown with you?
If they're here to smoke, know I'll go with you
Just keep it outside, keep it outside, yeah

Stay with me, no, you don't need to run
Stay with me, my blood, you don't need to run
Stay with me, no, you don't need to run
Stay with me, my blood, you don't need to run

You don't need to run, you don't need to run
You don't need to run, you don't need to run

If you find yourself in a lion's den
I'll jump right in and pull my pin
And go with you

I'll go with you, I'll go with you
I'll go with you, I'll go with you (you don't need to run)
I'll go with you, I'll go with you (you don't need to run)
My blood, I'll go with you, yeah

Stay with me, no, you don't need to run
Stay with me, my blood, you don't need to run
Stay with me, no, you don't need to run
Stay with me, my blood, you don't need to run

You don't need to run, you don't need to run
You don't need to run, you don't need to run

Stay with me, no, you don't need to run
Stay with me, my blood

On Repeat . Ride (Live Lounge)

I just wanna stay in the sun where I find

I know it's hard sometimes

Pieces of peace in the sun's peace of mind

I know it's hard sometimes

Yeah, I think about the end just way too much

But it's fun to fantasize

All my enemies who wouldn't wish who I was

But it's fun to fantasize

Oh, oh

I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my ride

Oh, I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my ride

Taking my time on my ride

I'd die for you

That's easy to say

We have a list of people that we would take

A bullet for them

A bullet for you

A bullet for everybody in this room

But I don't seem to see many bullets coming through

See many bullets coming through

Metaphorically I'm the man

But literally I don't know what I'd do

I'd live for you

And that's hard to do

Even harder to say

When you know it's not true

Even harder to write

When you know that tonight

There are people back home which are talking to you

But then you ignore them still

All these questions they're forming like

Who would you live for?

Who would you die for?

And would you ever kill?

Oh, oh

I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my ride

Oh, oh

I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my ride

Taking my time on my ride

I've been thinking too much

I've been thinking too much

I've been thinking too much

I've been thinking too much

Help me

I've been thinking too much (I've been thinking too much)

I've been thinking too much (Help me)

I've been thinking too much (I've been thinking too much)

I've been thinking too much

Oh, oh

I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my ride

Oh, I'm falling so I'm taking my time

Taking my time on my ride

Oh, oh, I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my ride

Oh, I'm falling so I'm taking my time on my

I've been thinking too much (Help me)

I've been thinking too much (Help me)

I've been thinking too much (I've been thinking too much)

I've been thinking too much (Help me)

I've been thinking too much (I've been thinking too much)

I've been thinking too much (I've been thinking too much)

Help me

Maturity

Is there any base for a person to say that he/she is matured enough?

Is maturity have different level? Or just general?

I think if you claim that you are matured you should be independent too and maybe you are nearly perfect.

We can be matured in one aspect but definitely no idea on how to handle some things.

The root of this was, a friend was ranting about someone who claims maturity and eventually by that person being matured, he feels like he left behind his partner because of it. bs, I know.

For us not to be at the same place, it doesn't mean that those on the first world country is matured enough than the ones at the third world country. Maybe the right term was advanced but let's be honest that certain people know how to face a specific problem than the others but that doesn't mean that the other was left behind.

Witnessed different people in life and even adults I can say that they're not matured enough.

So how come this person claiming maturity at such age?

We never stop learning. We never stop living.

Life doesn't stop when you experience one drastic change. It also doesn't stop when you have a daily routine for years.

Claiming maturity on relationship is very big deal.

At the first place, you should start not being selfish when entering a relationship.

I have a huge different outlook on relationship nowadays and that's for another but one thing, if you are not aware of your own self please do have a time for yourself first before committing to a relationship.

Self care is important.

Your own mental health is very important.

I don't think that I already wrote about the importance of self worth or just anything about ourselves.

How much do you care for yourself?

Obviously I care way too much about me that I only care on sharing much about what's in my head on this blog. This is literally an escape route to me from reality.

Self worth. Self care. Mental health.

It's too cliché when people say learn to love yourself first but it's so true.

I posted before about me talking to myself about stuff and it's one way of analyzing problems and also knowing yourself.

Life is not just about having friends. Yes they have value but the more important is knowing yourself.

Knowing yourself is very important for you to know what you like and what you don't like.

Maybe maturity have its on level that we are not aware of but one thing, claiming maturity is almost close on saying that you are perfect but hello reality, no one is perfect.