Buried Deep Inside

Just got back from the airport because a sister from another mother is leaving this country for work. 

I know that at some point we wanted to leave the place where we are right now but when a person will be leaving for the first time it's always a different story.

I got at their place when she was still fixing her luggage double checking everything.

Packing at some point is easy for me because I already tried it every time we went to Palawan but packing for more than a week become hard. Most especially if you need to bring almost everything.

I never felt the urgency of her leaving but you can see everyone is hiding something at the same time trying to be strong for her. I am too but I still can't see the day when she's thousand miles away. 

Before we left their house, she said goodbye to her cousin, grandma and aunt there goes the tears. I never knew it will be like that. It was my first time to witness such moment. 

On our way to the airport, I know that she is trying to be strong most especially for her family. I can hear her sobbing on her boyfriend but being an observer, realization kicks in again but I'm more worried because at some point I think I'm being numb.

Want to know my realizations? It's hard to explain but I saw a lot of ways on why this and that happens. I know it's easy to judge but when you are in the situation, your views in life changes. For this certain situation, there's a lot of complications on reasons why people decided to leave their loved ones. Yes, sometimes it is a selfish decision but for some they do think of their parents too and it doesn't look like selfishness anymore. Sacrificing their own happiness, they choose to take the road to new beginnings even you doesn't know what was ahead of you. 

At the end of the day, it still a grown-up decision. It may be selfish but if you dissect every reason why, I believe that you will understand. It's hard but I know at some point you will. 

Her boyfriend texted me when he got home and told me that he thought that he will never cry again but he misses her already. My defense mechanism is so strong, I'm still numb. 

Then minutes later, I realized the things we've been through all these years and I started crying. My walls are immediately demolished. 

My "Sadness" was back at the head quarters with too much long-term memories on-hand. 

I know it will be hard for the families that was left behind but I can't believe that it will also affect friends. But let us not forget their sacrifices and the homesickness that they will feel no matter how high-tech the world that we are living in, it's still different when they are just minutes away and you can hangout anytime.

I don't want to compare it to death but when people leave for other country for work, you will realized it's better than death. I somehow wish that my dad was just out there somewhere so we can do some video call later, but it's not. 

I also lost a friend couple of months back and I still wish I can still talk to him but I can't. 

It's not selfishness, it's a grown-up decision and no matter how long it will be, as scary as it is we will get used to it and it will be the new normal. 

12.22.15