Random . August 2015

After July its August. 

Death will always be a sad thing for me but acceptance will always be the key. 

"You can't talk peace and have a gun" - Francis M. 

Told you, I can use the word "stuff" on every convo and letters. Lol. 

 Just another day that I want to escape reality. 

Always spare some time to see friends. Its therapeutic. 

4 years. 

Thank you to The Maine and All Time Low for the music and for letting me escape reality for a while. 08-12-15

To be honest, after today it's hard to top that performance by ATL. 

Tomorrow, Echosmith. 

Omggg. Jai R!!!!!! Fan girl mode!!

Let's talk about the political side of this industry. 

2 concerts in a row!!

Trucks everywhere it's so fucking scary on the road. They should do something with these trucks. Scary but so fucking annoying. 

Music career will always be my greatest frustration. I really want to be out there even not on a member of the band being one of the crew will do. Ahhhhh.

Please don't rain on our mini vacation. I really want to enjoy and see the natural beauty of El Nido. 

Mantra! Haha. Chos. Let's enjoy being a tourist. Let's do this. 

Don't go there. Don't be like him. 

Hair cut now. Hair dye later. 

Last minute packing! 

I have doubts on leaving town for a while but I deserve this. - 08.19.15

Get me out of this island! 

Trying so hard not to stress myself. I just want to enjoy this trip. So far I'm appreciating the trees, mountain, sky, clouds and later, the sea. 

That look on your face! :)) #19

This trip isn't over yet but dang I can hear the reality is calling me. But whatever will be the outcome of leaving I really enjoyed this. Enjoying life itself should never be a regret as in EVER. 

I get your reasons. 

I caught you AGAIN!! #20

This trip is ruined by crimson curse. 

Last night and we are making the most out of it. 

No big deal! I just drive an SUV here in Palawan. Something to drive please! 08.23.15

Why is it so hard to leave this time?

You don't know what we sacrifice and you are not making it worthy. 

We're at Palawan airport now and a Cebu pac flight was cancelled. Uh oh..... And our plane just landed.

Manila, when we landed you stress me out right away. I want to cry and hop on another plane and go back to Palawan. 

What is this? Sleeping while talking and doing something? What is happening? I hope I didn't screw up. #fingerscrossed

For you, nothing happened but at the end you're the one who cannot move on. How far do you want to go back?

I left my heart somewhere else but why am I hurting like this right now? I really know that I left it somewhere in the middle of the big lagoon where sea urchins are located. 

Ever since you came the Internet became a snail. 

I think it's better to deal with haters than some people who wants to bring you down, literally. 

I'm really ready but it hurt so bad! 

Will you let someone irrelevant bring you down when most people trust you? 

I'm against comparing but you are nothing compare to them. 

Another plane ride to somewhere? Why not! #dream

This might be the last. I don't want to cry but I may cry. 

Oh wait. Yeah. I know you care but on what part? 

I didn't cry. Maybe later.

So sad that some of the pics from my previous blog posts can't be seen. 

UAAP next week!!!!!! Omggggg. 

Uhm. Excuse me, you don't look content to me. Srsly. 

TBVR, I'm so proud of you!!! You're making me cry. 

Win or lose, Gilas 3.0 is a sign of a new beginning.

Echosmith Live in Manila

Uhm.. where in SM Aura is the Samsung Hall? Haha

The problem in this kind of venue / standing are the tall people. Lol

Wow! What a chill set as chill as their album. So much fun! 

Sydney interacts with the crowd the whole set and that's a huge plus!

Some people expected more but they only released one album yet so it's expected that most of it will just be played plus if there will be cover songs. 

They're still a young band, they're so humble and I hope they will stay like that. 

It's so cute that they are touring with the whole family, well Echosmith consist of 4 siblings and the crew includes their mom and dad and the fans love them too! So cool. 

They're one of to-go-see-live band because it will be worth it. 

So many fun part like when Sydney asked to stop before the 2nd stanza of Bright because she forgot the lyrics and asked the fans on what was it and when she asked the 4 security to dance on stage. (videos below)

I just can't believe that their too young and they are already doing show around the globe. 

I'll probably see them again when they get back. 

Thank you Echosmith! 

some photos on my Tumblr soon

All Time Low with The Maine Live in Manila

Stuck in traffic... because it's on MOA. :|

The first time ATL was here was back in 2011. I was able to watch that in Araneta and it was EPIC. The second time was during Bazooka 2013 and I wasn't able to watch that then today the third time, I decided not to miss it. Why? Because The Maine are joining them! The Maine have been here for a couple of times now and usually they are playing small shows but this time they're playing at MOA Arena. I haven't seen them live so I'm excited! 

Even though it's MOA and it's a busy week for me, I decided to go with this. I don't want to add another one on my concert-regrets-list. 

I hope everything will be worth it after the show today. Well it will be for sure. 

I've been listening to their previous records too because lately, I'm just stuck on listening American Candy and Future Hearts. 

.....mantra

Since I already on to this trip, I need to sacrifice one thing and that is I'm not going to avail some merch. Bummer. I know but ever since I know how to avail from the US that's not bummer at all. 

Lots of fans are here! So many people who are wearing band merch and you know what that means! I was supposed to wear band merch but my ATL shirt from 2011 show is already small for me. Lol

Since I'm not that updated with their live shows, I don't even know if the 'bra' is still a thing. Haha 

If dslr are good to go then I will not think twice to bring mine but it's MOA. 

~

Already inside and whoever to blame on the "the show will not start until everyone is seated" is the most bummer thing. Why would you put chairs on the patron at the first place? This is not film or an acoustic set or any formal event. This is a fucking rock show. Good thing I didn't purchase patron but I feel so sorry for those people who are there. Alex do even require people to stand on some part of the show. Minutes later they are already putting barricades on the aisle so no one can stand and go to the front! I really feel sorry for the fans on the patron section.

I can't help but compare to the Paramore show last 2013 here. There are chairs at the back of patron but the other half on front was so clear that's why we enjoyed the show. And I think that's the reason why you open the door/gate early so people on the patron section can avail the first-come-first-serve on the front. 

Let's all waste our time on arranging the patron seats.

~

After show..... 

What an AMAZING SHOW. 

NO REGRETS. 

IT WAS WORTH IT. 

This was the first time I saw The Maine and not bad at all! Though the light dudes can't give Pat a nice spot light. I was expecting more songs and maybe a few acoustic songs. I don't know how many songs they covered but I think their show was a bit short for a 10 or more songs. But yeah it was all good! Thumbs up! 

Before I rant to many unwanted stuff that happened before the show, I'll just move on to All Time Low.

My ears hurt so bad! As well as my throat! (in a good way).

All Time Low is really a band that you don't want to miss live. Their amazing. Alex communicates well with the audience plus you will understand every single word that he and Jack says. 

The seat I got wasn't the best one but I think even you're on the farthest part of the arena, you will not get bored and for sure you will give your full attention to them. 

Compare to the first time I saw them, the crowd really add up this time and younger fans! (geez, I feel old). But with ATL no matter what your age, gender, nationality is as long as you're a fan and listen to their music, I think you will be jumping and will sing along to every song. 

It's surprising that they do invite fans now on stage! (that's the bonus to some who were invited on stage despite of what happened earlier with the no-show-if-not-seated). 

My heart is so happy and full filled. 

I only brought a point and shoot camera and my GoPro so I'll try to edit some (hopefully) good-photos and nice-videos soon on my Tumblr probably one or two months later. Haha. 

I'll miss them again but they're very active on social media and they still have the Full Frontal which I may start to listen again so it will lessen my separation anxiety to the guys. (advantage of the internet). 

Thank you, The Maine and All Time Low for such an amazing night that you let us escape reality for a while and mostly, thank you for your music! 

I love you guys so much and hopefully, I'll see you again soon! 

Love,

Aivrin (a dreamer that wishes to meet and to be on stage with her favorite band/s)

Twenty One Pilots Live in Manila

If you read my On Repeat post about Blurryface and Car Radio then you know that I was looking forward to see the duo. 

Good thing Tyler was feeling better because they cancelled a show in Taipei due to throat infection earlier that week. 

This show was announce a month before the actual date so it was a shocking for me but fortunately, it was technically a mall show. I was choosing if I'll watch in Alabang or Trinoma and since I'm on a budget, I just decided to see them once in Trinoma. 

The show will be at 6PM and I was so surprised when I arrived at Trinoma before 2PM that there are people already finding the perfect spot inside the mall on the second and third floor. I was planning to eat first but when I saw the situation, I knew I have to change my plans. I went on a fast food to take out some burgers and a drink then I'll walk around to find a perfect spot so I can shoot. Yep, I brought my trusty camera. 

I decided to shoot them because when I was on a hype watching some of their live show, I realized that they are different and I don't want to waste this moment of not capturing pictures plus, I'm missing to shoot and on usual concerts you can't bring DSLR. 

I can't find a perfect spot since almost all of them were taken when I was looking for a position and to be honest, I took an advantage of a kid in a wheel chair and I just stand on her back because I can see the drums the front mic and somehow the chair area of the piano and both of the lightning frames because somehow, I know that Tyler will climb that during Car Radio. 

Personally, I was so surprised to see their fan base here in Manila. They're not the typical duo/band that kids here do listen to and some of our radio stations here or the music channel are biased by playing the same music every single day. But I know that social media is one huge thing why these people know about the guys, the same way I discovered them 2 years ago. 

Then the people got curious. They pushed some trying to see on who will perform or what is happening since everyone was waiting for the show to start. I almost got a good spot but this baby and her guardian was on a perfect spot and I doubt that they knew who will be the performer and they just stayed there for a while until they got tired and left and I missed that spot someone fill in that spot right away because fans wants a good view. 

It was so hard to shoot when on your left, there was this girl capturing the whole show on her iPad while on the right there was a tall guy. I'm a passive aggressive so there were times that I was pushing the girl on my left because those people doesn't know how to respect the kid that was sitting on the wheel chair. 

Overall, it was a good show and luckily it was free because if its not then I have to let go of ATL or Echosmith. Hopefully next time it will not be a mall show and if it will be a mall show please make sure that getting a VIP will be easy. 

Though, the lighting wasn't good because its a bit dark and you should know that Tyler and Josh only wears black or dark shades of clothing during show. The sound system wasn't that good because its an open space and its a mall.

I was also surprised when most of them are rapping along during Car Radio.  

Twenty One Pilots will now be on my list of must-see-live because of the energy and awesomeness. 

Fyi, I stood there from 2pm - 6pm waiting. I know some were there already from opening time. What does dedication means. But its all worth it. 

more photos on my Tumblr -> My Photographs

I have these thoughts

So often I ought

To replace that slot

With what I once bought

'Cause somebody stole

My car radio

And now I just sit in silence

Blah. Blah.

VII.XXX.XV

I didn't expect that time will come that I'll be having a conversation with a certain person and I can't explain my side because its too complicated. 

I do understand where he was coming from and I can't blame him for ranting in my face. Lets be honest that he said some things that send some bullets and arrows inside me. It was a moment of weakness and I tried to hold on to my tears but I can't. Thank you, sore eyes it was legal to cry for not looking like I cried but my eyes were just bloody red for a few days. It comes in handy, I guess.  

I said before but if you don't know then I'll tell it again, its hard to fight the battle if you are alone versus a million. If I reasoned out, they have this invisible your-argument-is-invalid at the moment I stopped talking and after they gave their reason.

I still don't get it sometimes that people seems to know everything when they talk but fuck you! Where were you when I was crying, staying awake, rushing, starving just to finish it? I'm not ranting about I don't like to do it anymore but I'm just saying and explaining myself. But yeah, I know you don't want to accept my explanation because you just think its just as easy as to changing clothes. Fyi, it wasn't. 

Later on, I'm already willing to get this out of my system because at some point I win some and I lose some.

People will always hear whatever rumors they will encounter and I don't think I will be able to defend my side when the word is out. 

No one will hear my side because they already manipulated the story. They will make me weak, useless, unwanted, etc. As far as I can't defend myself, I don't want to waste time for bragging every opposite things just to save my own self. What you see is what you get. Whatever you want to believe, its your choice. I'll back off because I'm not desperate to get attention from other people. I have my own reason why I do this and that.  

I wish you know how much I'm trying to fight and to protect you but I'm just alone, how can I fight equally? I wish you know how much it hurts when people try to use my mistakes to bring me down because they're fucking perfect. If only you know how to master ignoring people because I'm still not good at it. I wish you know how hard it is to be in my position. I wish you know how to handle close minded people. 

How I wish other people know the real life struggle that I face everyday. It wasn't easy but I'm trying my best to fight and to avoid being stuck on my little room of depression. That's why I need to get away for some days or to shut off for a while. I need some place to run around.  

I'm not totally asking you to understand but I'm saying that there is a behind story on everything. 

I was wrong when I thought that watchers are the best witness. Maybe they are but it also how they interpret what they are seeing. 

I didn't promise you anything but thank you for trusting me. 

I will be forever thankful to the people who keep an open mind. No matter what. 

I believe that there are reasons why people are trying to push/pull me down as well as stabbing me on the back. I'll just take whatever they want me to take but I will still fight. 

After today, my gut is saying "don't give up". I am who I am and you can never change that because that's me. I know the difference between being nice and being rude. I can't find the right words to say but my gut is telling me different now. 

On some days, I still don't know where I stand. See the confusion? Have you been this confused in your life? 

Pretty soon I'll be getting on my first plane

I'll see the veins of my city like they do in space

Tattooed On My Mind

Our favorite song 

It happened so fast that I never saw it coming.

I lost a good friend couple of days ago. I met him during first year of college in FEU. We became good friends for one or two semester before he transferred.

He was one of the people who accepted me for who I am and one of the few person who was so true to himself.

I don't know the whole story but last year was a huge battle for him since he undergo surgery but since then he was still so positive about life and I know he didn't dwell in sadness that I know he can still laugh and still live like nothing happened.

We communicate for a few times since last year and when we chat this year and we were planning to hang out after his scheduled check up so they will know what was his progress. He kept telling me that he's fine but sometimes he still needs to have a tank of oxygen beside him. I even joked that it will be like Hazel Grace from Fault if ever we met that I insist for him to bring a tank because we can be running out of breath because of laughing.

I can't really remember when was the last time we hang out but I think it was at SM North or at SM Marikina couple of years ago... Forgive me but I can't really remember. It was that long but I'll look on some of my pictures for answers.

When I got the news, I knew that I have to look on my box of stuff from different people because I know you gave me random stuff like hand written song lyrics (see how it was before when there are no easy access to the internet); personal letters with complete date/time/place/your name; the video that you made after that semester in FEU and before transferring to Fatima (I was so willing to share that video but there was your guy crush that I already forgot but his picture was in there!!!! You made me laugh at that. Typical Karlo move); giving me burned cd of the music that you listen so I can listen to it too but I found out that there's no Tattooed On my Mind in there; the star-origami that you put on a clean vial; the Rubics cube that I arbored from you and you didn't succeed to teach me how to solve that because I can't get it. Lol.

We kept on saying I Miss You during every conversation that we had on fb chat and I still and will miss you forever. You said we will meet when you get stronger. I greeted you on your birthday but I don't think you saw that because it wasn't seen-zoned and I know you can't do that to me.

I wish we had more time to hang out. We don't talk about traveling or going somewhere together but I know if ever we did one it will be memorable. All I can do now is read those previous conversation, read you letters and listen to the songs that you gave to me.

I can't sleep properly since I got the news that night. Maybe because I can't remember some of the certain details of the times we shared like the last time we hang out, our memories during first year days, the NSTP days, the Star City experienced, we used to text a lot but I can't remember that too, and what have you told me when you gave me the random stuff. I can remember some but I wish I can remember everything. I can't even remember why you started calling me Pot short for Bestiepot/Potpot.

I think you don't like us to see you when you're weak but I wished I was able to visit you at the hospital. Why we didn't make that planned hang out, then all of a sudden I'm just going to see you lying in that box.

This is the first time that I lost a friend. It is definitely different from people leaving because of work, personal issues or whatever and I don't know how to handle this most especially someone like Karlo.

I can't stop crying, Pot! And I'm always bringing your star-origami-in-a-vial for the next days. Thinking of getting a neon green and orange star just for you even the Stars are blind.

I'll visit you this weekend with some of our friends. - 08.01.15

One more favorite! 

I was hoping that we will visit you in a huge group but as everyone is already busy with the so called life, it was just me, Zarah and Josh who make it happened yesterday.

We even got lost for a while because Waze didn't gave the right direction and I bet your laughing at us that time. Haha but we were assuring that for sure your happy because the other block was P! Haha

It was the first time that I saw your family and we talked to your mom and sister and uncle. Saw some of your friends and I bet they will be so surprised if all of your friends will show up until the last day.

People loves you, Pot. You were so loved and I hope we did let you feel that for 26 years. All of us were sad because you left already but we are content to see you smiling even just lying in there.

I'm so sure that I will never meet anyone like you for the rest of my life because you are just that unique.

I miss you and I will always shred a tear when I think of you.

Pot, you're such a strong person that you never gave up during the whole year of fighting and I will always remember that. You'll be one of my inspiration from now on. Thank you for bringing positivity in the world full of negativity. I will forever remember your smile and your laugh.

You will never feel pain again.

Love you! And I will never stop missing you. 

photo was from our General Psychology class (2006)

People rise togethether

When they believe in tomorrow

Change today to forever

'Cause life is movin'

06.07.1989 - 07.30.2015