29 going on 30

I’m not sure if I want to do this as a birthday or year-end post.  

Before I went back rewinding in my head this roller-coaster-year first thing first,

Happy Birthday Hayley Williams

Of course,

Happy Birthday, self. 

Wow this year was so fast. 

Some highlights,

• Got to travel to Taiwan for almost a week with my dude
• Saw Lhea again after years
• Went back to Baguio and La Union with college friends 
• Been rejecting too much emotional drama
• Supported my alter ego nonstop 
• Watched basketball alone
• Rejected to write much this time
• Still thankful for music
• Been more introvert this year
• Been too stressed 
• Almost did it
• Got my 13th tattoo
• Rejected to at least hang out with friends (they’re busy too. Sorry)
• Countless anxiety attack for the past months 
• Chose to hangout with my dogs than seen in public
• Loved some days of life
• Treasured the weekend by not thinking too much 
• Still trying to live at the moment and not over thinking about life
• Still not over to the fact that people come and go
• Maybe stopped to be fascinated with birthdays and anniversaries
• Still somehow traumatized with the past years
• Learned some tips on how to survive life
• Patience is a virtue

30 is a big deal for some that I can’t believe that I’m 30 today and I worked all day. Not sure on what will happen but better be busy than be too emotional about looking back and forward on what is next. 

I was dreaming of spending the New Year somewhere else but maybe I’ll give another try on celebrating it here. Plus I don’t like the holiday craze where everyone is traveling. I don’t like to be stuck on an airport or hustling with other things or people by the first hour of 2020. Busy days than chaos elsewhere. 

I’ll try to travel more next year. Maybe an alone trip somewhere. 

I wrote something during the mid-year that I wasn’t able to finish but I’ll put it here as reminder. 

``

Mid year was always a challenge and this year is no exception. 

I’m not doing well for then past month and still I’m thriving to fight all of this for me not to give up. It is easier to give up but I’m choosing to fight. 

Some days are good, some are not. 

This will be the time that I want to leave to have some vacation again but not yet. Maybe my next travel will be by next year. 

My insomnia is way worst these days and I’m trying to assess it more on how will I’m going to deal with it. 

Trying to be a healthy eater but it’s quite expensive so I’m not limiting myself to a certain diet. 

I read a book. That’s one good thing. 

Applying in real life on how to say no even it's killing me inside. 

``

I thought the past year was already though but I guess we still have to prepare for the worst. We can never tell what’s the future holds and sometimes it’s still scary. 

I’m somehow reminded that there’s the unknown. 

Nothing fancy being 29 going on 30. I’ll be forever 27.

Still somewhere in between this past, present and future life, I feel that there’s something missing. 

On to the next phase.