Random . December 2014

Hello favorite month. 

What if we are protecting the people who don't want to be protected? Or maybe because they are not around most of the time that they don't see the transformation. 

At some point, I knew people who have the same perspective in life. Or maybe not. 

There's no bullshit there, I knew he will really ask about it. It feels weird to know someone is watching and he cares. Maybe it was just today. Tomorrow it will be different. What more if years passed. - 12.02.2014

I miss the friendship and I still cry about it. He was once my best friend. - 12.03.2014

Its hard to see both side then you will be so confused on so many things. At the end of the day I proved that "we can only save our own self" and I started to doubt everyone when I see differently to what they say every single fucking day. Its beyond confusing and forget the other stuff. I just want to get ink to feel that pain again so it will bring me back to reality. 

When you leave, it will be different again. I'm sick of it. This world is so cruel. 

Right. Too much drama. But what if I didn't chose to be involve but I was in it because of connections? I'm trying to figure it out myself. 

You don't know because you weren't there. You are not here, either. 

I'm a rebel-sensitive who will be forever stuck on figuring things out. I don't need to explain why this and that because you will never understand. 

People choose to see whatever they want to see. I don't even know if I should believe on the word "purpose" and I don't know if I have one. 

If you have reasons and you are looking forward to a specific event well, I'm not like you. Most of the time, I don't know what is exciting to wake up so early. Waking up late is better than never waking up at all and most people will argue if you stand to "there are morning and night people". They will never buy it. As in NEVER. 

Most days, I ask why this and that. I guess, there will be no answer to most of my questions. 

Maybe I'm not okay at all and I'm the most fucked up person you will meet. 

Fucked-up-rebel-sensitive-useless. Contradicting but seems appropriate.

One more tattoo before this year ends. I wish I wish. 

War for today is over and somehow, I feel good about it. Analyze? Analyze yourself first. Don't throw the p-word on my face because I'm using it every single fucking day and I'm tired watching people doing bullshit. 

I accept that you're not perfect as much as I understand this world is not so fucking perfect. I just chose to never say anything bad about you. I bet you'll be shocked. 

I'm not saving anyone. I'm just doing whatever I know I can do to shut your mouth. 

Oh. Look who's talking. Karma is a bitch, my friend. 

You saw me this time. It was crazy but I think I handled it well even though something inside me is on panic mode but it faded fast, fast enough that I was just thinking about it after hours. For the record, I saw you and then something snaps and someone told you that I passed by. Emotional attachment is fucking real. - 12.11.14

Am I really prepared for that close encounter? After today, I doubted my confidence but I knew compared to before, this time it was a less ache. I can't bring back yesterday by smashing my complaints into your face. Nothing will change. It will still be a rough road and I'm just trying to convince myself that I'm just missing the friendship. - 12.11.14

Maybe it was meant to happen. Same place, same time, unexpectedly but I know I handled it better than before. - 12.11.14 

If this life is a movie or a book, I bet I will see you again today. Unfortunately, this is reality. - 12.12.14 

Wow. Traffic is really insane. 

PVRIS is my current jam. 

When I saw that smile, I knew that so many things have changed and I'm really happy for you. That will do for now. Baby steps. - 12.15.14

After books, I'm here hooked up on new tv series. Thankful that I'm already done watching Monk and that last episode was bitter sweet. I discovered a full season 1,2,3 and a half of season 4 of Once Upon A Time when I copied movies from Nikka. And I don't know what was the trigger of trying Orange is the New Black but I'm almost done with season 1. I'm enjoying these new series its very different from crime series that I loved but there's something with these series that I can't explain. Mostly, it was all about life itself but Once Upon A Time was also exciting with all the connection of Snow White to Red Riding Hood, its like we need to know what was behind of the famous stories. Yes, my life is so exciting. Books. TV series. Photography. Movies. Sleep. Eat. Music. Repeat. 

I'm just done with Orange Is The New Black season 1 and wow. It reminds me that everything have a fucked up system and some of us want to have the good while some will be forever selfish. Reminds me to save my own ass every time and that sometimes, its better not to talk because it can get you to a lot of troubles. I'm thinking of re-watching every thing when I'm done with season 2 because I can relate to it most of the time. Uh oh. Piper lost all of it. We all have that moment but hopefully not to the extent that we will kill someone. 

Once Upon A Time is my company series every night and I'm almost done with season 1. Makes me amazed that every story that we read on books are all connected at some point. It doesn't make any sense but we can all imagine something out of the ordinary. Who can think that the Evil Queen from Snow White was the one behind on every disaster in a story? No one but the creator of Once Upon A Time. Love it. 

The feeling of being unwanted is never easy. I have to fight everything on my own. 

Too many familiar faces makes me dislike Ortigas area. #MANTRA !!!!!!!

Christmas will never be the same without our own santa. I miss you daddy, papa and ikong.

Birthday. 25 years. 25 years of a roller coaster ride. Thank you to everyone who remembered by heart and not by just some post or notification on facebook, thanks for the effort tho. Haha. I'm not a big fan of facebook and I think everyone should know it by now. Usually, I get emotional during my birthday but it was less emotional this year. People say make a wish and I can't think of any other thing than my usual #mantra and maybe someone who doesn't deserve all the walls that I built. Anyway, thank you again. - 12.27.14

When I connect the dots, everything is so messy and then I stopped believing on everything at the moment. Should I apologize for that or its just how life works? - 12.28.14

My facebook is exploding. Again, thank you to everyone who greeted me by seeing the post of my mom. 

Orphan Black is my new addiction. Remind me that we can only save our own self. 

Fiction series makes me question a lot of things and a lot of "what if....". 

If I'm going to choose one over movies or series, I'll choose series. Series because there's a lot to tell on series without a limit on time unlike the movies but it also depends on how long it will be on air but on series there are cookie cutter (the mid season finale and the season finale). The waiting game is insane. 

A little update on what I'm watching lately were; Jane The Virgin, How To Get Away With Murder, Orange is the New Black, Once Upon a Time, Orphan Black and of course; Bones, Criminal Minds, NCIS, NCIS New Orleans, The Mindy Project, New Girl and The Walking Dead. That's almost a long list. Hehe. Can you believe that I didn't realized that Matt McGorry was in OITNB and HTGAWM until I stalked his Instagram and Twitter. Hehe. I'm catching up to the new ones but I'm done with OITNB and I can't wait for season 3. I'm currently watching Once Upon a Time Season 3 and Orphan Black Season 2. I'll make sure that I'll be updated by the time they will be back on air next year. That explained why I have a lot of movies but I don't watch them ASAP maybe when the series will be on its summer break I'll do some movie marathon. 

Any series you recommend? 

Maybe its just me but Paul from Orphan Black can pass as Christian Grey. I think he fit the description on the book perfectly. 

Never saw that my Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve will be like this but yeah its fine as long as its for family.

I don't want to be a hero.

Last day of the year and for me it feels like its just a month end and tomorrow will be a new month. Nothing new.

Happy Last Day of 2014.