Random . February 2020

Started this month with hometown friends ❤️. 

Finally after 3 months. #21 02.02.2020

You think I don’t know that? I’m actually doing it on purpose. 

Reading this book followed by watching Hayley being so honest and comfortable in an interview was a little bit of therapy for me. Makes me rethink and pause for a moment. A lot to take in and to process at almost 5am. 

One more week of waiting. #2020goal 

I guess some people are either blind or just naive. 

Next time I don’t want to feel like this anymore. 

5 songs. Ms. Williams is spoiling us too much. 

Not starting this week right so I’m hoping for a personal good news on Thursday. 

And the bad vibes keeps on coming. 

If you are not guilty then act as you are not. 

Been trying to avoid being emotional or just expressing feelings lately because it seems inappropriate. Little tears from here and there isn’t surprising at all. 

A little help will never hurt. 

As a person with trust issues, I refuse to comment on everything. 

One more month. #2020goal

When the blood in your veins is pure hatred. 

Badly missing the good old days. 

Maybe I wished to be numb toward some things and now that I’m already used to it, I’m a little bit searching for feelings. 

A self satisfaction of one is a burden to so many. 

Valentines. 

When your heart is full of hatred and anger. 

I feel so sorry for you that you felt so unloved but also it was your decision to block that feeling in your system. 

Maybe I was expecting a little love on Valentines despite of the hate that’s been spreading endlessly but no. Maybe lighter days doesn’t deserve a day if it’s meant to be the beautiful end of darkness. 

“Love happens all the time” still one of my favorite tattoo. 

I want to write all this feelings even the anger and life questions but I think I rather start to read the book for this month to shake all of it so I’ll burst sooner than later. // oops. I wrote a little then started to read.

There’s satisfaction seeing other people happy. Enough to see that positivity is still happening. 

With this kind of stress. Do you think I’m still planning my life ahead? 

Being impatient while waiting patiently. 

Trimmed my nails, face mask and trimmed my hair. 

I need some distraction while waiting. #2020goal

This book really got a lot of feelings. I’m screwed and distracted. I like. In the morning, it’s back to reality. Goodnight. #ItEndsWithUs 

Stop passing other people’s problems to me. I can’t even handle my own anymore. 

I’d like to be a morning person but there’s more peace at night. 

I’m not sure if it was a wise decision but it still feels good. #worklife

Another Colleen Hoover book, done. I’ll go back reading her. Promise. 

Friday nights are somehow my favorite. 

The world is testing mg patience. 

I want to upgrade my phones but #2020goal isn’t achieved yet. 

There’s something peaceful about Saturday. 

The other day, I baked now I cooked spaghetti which are not perfect. 

H. That was betrayal. #17 02.24.2020

Can’t wait for the release of new phones so I can finally upgrade. 

Just watched the recorded IG live of Hayley. What a way to start the morning. 

I really don’t mind crossing paths with you, I just don’t know what’s the right way to react or greeting to say. #17

No. I’m not over tattoos and I think I will never be. 

Maybe I felt betrayed but that proves that I just missed the friendship. No doubt. #17

Nope. You don’t need to tell me that. 

So many thoughts in my head that I may need a week-off. Lol as if. 

So weird to have this kind of thought in the morning. 

That will be more awkward than to bump in with my ex-best friend. Lol

I’m not sure if you are regretting it now or just at least thinking about that wrong move. / oh. plot twist. 

Move on. 

Some people really change for the worst, huh. 

Busy week. Done. 

Last day of the month. February 29 2020. 

There’s something really off on Huawei phones. 

This month was quick. 

Book . November 9

November 9 by Colleen Hoover

Usually on book its always on a daily basis well most of it but surprisingly on this one it was just in November 9 of each year. Never thought that it was possible to write such story. 

In a year there can be drastic life changing moment and not seeing each other regularly is ok but no contact number or even email even for emergencies, it was refreshing to read. 

You might be able to think how but well, for some it really does happen. Maybe not the exact story or situation but for sure some can relate to this kind of set up.

This book makes me realize that you can’t read a back to back Colleen Hoover if you are not prepared for twist, turns and of course, feelings. Makes me realize why I actually stopped years ago. So instead of doing another one of this genre, I might be on a little break from books. I’ll catch up on series a little bit then get back on reading. I will also wait on what will be the book for March for the book club. 

This is a good book. Also I think I hate a book-series. Lol I seriously don’t want to be hook on this kind of story and characters because I wish they are real. 

My current goal for book is 10 but I think I can make 20 this year. It makes a lot of distraction from reality and instead of scrolling on social media (specifically Twitter) I was reading but I’ll make sure to also catch up on series so there will be beak in between books. 

Ben and Fallon are too young for some serious relationship and their story is a proof of perfect timing. 

“One of the things I always try to remind myself is that everyone has scars,” she says. “A lot of them even worse than mine. The only difference is that mine are visible and most people’s aren’t.”

November 9 | Colleen Hoover

Pod Sibs Book Club . It Ends With Us (Feb 2020)

What a roller coster ride. Another book by Colleen Hoover after years and this is one is like greeting and saying "Welcome back!".

I'll start to let myself catch up on the years that I've missed that in fact I may read another book after typing this one.

I somehow let go of reading such genre because I think it was too much for me. Too much feels. I feel like I was being trap on such fantasy that I’m looking for it on reality as well which in fact I know will never be the same as the story on the book. After reading this book, I’m thinking of going back on this kind of genre and maybe read another genre in between so I will not be trap in fantasy. 

Going back to the book, this is not a love story. Oh wait, it is a love story. 

Being abusive doesn't just take effect physically, it's also emotionally and mentally. One way or another there is much worst than the other but abuse is something that we shouldn’t be tolerating at the first place. 

Just when I was started reading this on the first chapter or just on the first paragraph, oh no I'm so in it and I already know that deep down that I can totally relate to this. Relate not in abusive way but somehow tolerating some cycle. Good thing for others that there’s an option to get out but imagine when some doesn’t have that option. 

There's so many lines that I highlighted and I'm not sure what to do with those! lol 

Also that ending !!! I’m not so surprised but I’m happy that Lily made the right decision. Sometimes it just requires a lot of courage to make huge life decisions. 

There's too much that can be said on this but I'm keeping it on myself before I spill more spoilers.

One of the best from Colleen really but all of her book are the best. 

“Naked truths aren’t always pretty”

It Ends With Us | Colleen Hoover

Pod Sibs Book Club . Girl, Stop Apologizing (Jan 2020)

This book is honestly a hard read for me. Don’t get me wrong it is really an easy one but took me 2 weeks to read this book. I’m not sure if I’m still having trauma with “The Stand” or I’m just really lazy for this. 

For real, this is an easy read. 

Why did I say that this was a hard one? Well if you have you’re own beliefs and somehow being just too realistic in life or just analyzing my own if I’m doing this life decisions right or because it’s just hitting the right places, it’s a hard read. (Didn’t make sense. I know). 

I like and rate this book 5 stars on good reads. 

I’m somehow already practicing on my own some things that was written or mentioned but also got some additional tricks on how to play the cards while I was reading this. 

Somehow makes me question some life-decisions that I made. 

Also this was the first book that I read with this kind of genre. Maybe the closest one that I read to this was “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne (not really read but I watched/listened the video of it). 

It was also hard because we are not on the same path and somehow hard to maneuver the lesson and apply it on your own situation. Maybe on mine, it’s just hard to apply it on a daily basis though as I analyze just my own self, I also assured myself that It can be still useful on some aspect. 

If you are being lost on track and need some motivation, this is a good read. For the past days that I’ve been reading this, I somehow needed to be reminded about some contents on this book. Somehow we forget the important lesson or strategy in this life and a little reminder and add-ons are very important for us to be back on track. 

This is a good read, really and an easy one. 

Be always reminded that everything is a process. 

“There are a hundred ways to learn to swim and one very easy way to drown, and that is by being unwilling to admit you’re drowning in the first place.”

Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving Your Goals

Rachel Hollis

On Repeat . Petals for Armor I

Petals of Armor I by Hayley Williams

i wanted to be the first to share the cover for my album, Petals For Armor, which comes out in May.

shot by @LindseyByrnes, my very good friend and one of my favorite creative collaborators.

pre-orders will open up tomorrow. you get more songs + another video too.

MAY 8 🌺 pic.twitter.com/93lnsMCdSt

— hayley from Paramore 🌺 (@yelyahwilliams) February 6, 2020

WE WEREN'T READY BUT YES!!!!!!

There's too much to process but everything is good. 

THANKS, MOM!

Also one of the best if not the BEST INTERVIEW EVER. Zane was so great. This interview makes me cry and hug Hayley a little tighter. So much love for this woman. 

This album is also a very personal project for Hayley it doesn't require to love it or like it of you are a Paramore fan. If you listen closely this songs are not released under Paramore for a reason. 

I'm not lonely babe. I am free. Finally. - Cinnamon (Hayley Williams)

On Repeat . Cinnamon

Cinnamon by Hayley Williams 

On the walls Of my home There are signs That I'm alone I keep on Every light Talk to my dog He don’t mind Ahhhhhh Eat my breakfast In the nude Lemon water Living room Home is where I’m Feminine Smells like Citrus and cinnamon Ahhhhh Cinnamon I’m not lonely I am free But if I let you in, you would never want to leave If I let you in If ever I let you in Cinnamon I’m not lonely baby I am free Mhmmm finally I'm not lonely baby I am free Ahhhhhh Cinnamon If I let you in Cinnamon

On Repeat . Don't Start Now (Cover)

Don't Start Now by Hayley Williams (Dua Lipa cover)

If you don't wanna see me

Did a full 180, crazy

Thinking 'bout the way I was

Did the heartbreak change me? Maybe

But look at where I ended up

I'm all good already

So moved on, it's scary

I'm not where you left me at all, so

If you don't wanna see me dancing with somebody

If you wanna believe that anything could stop me

Don't show up, don't come out

Don't start caring about me now

Walk away, you know how

Don't start caring about me now

Aren't you the guy who tried to

Hurt me with the word "goodbye"?

Though it took some time to survive you

I'm better on the other side

I'm all good already

So moved on, it's scary

I'm not where you left me at all, so

If you don't wanna see me dancing with somebody

If you wanna believe that anything could stop me

Don't show up, don't come out

Don't start caring about me now

Walk away, you know how

Don't start caring about me now ('bout me now, 'bout me)

Oh, oh

Don't come out, out, out

Don't show up, up, up

Don't start now (oh)

Oh, oh

Don't come out, out

I'm not where you left me at all, so

If you don't wanna see me dancing with somebody

If you wanna believe that anything could stop me

Don't show up (don't show up), don't come out (don't come out)

Don't start caring about me now ('bout me now)

Walk away (walk away), you know how (you know how)

Don't start caring about me now (so)

Oh, oh

Don't come out, out, out

Don't show up, up, up

Walk away, walk away (so)

Oh, oh

Don't come out, out, out

Don't show up, up, up

Walk away, walk away, oh

On Repeat . Leave It Alone

Leave It Alone by Hayley Williams (Petals for Armor)

Don’t nobody tell me that God don’t have a sense of humor Cause now that I want to live Well everybody around me is dying Now that I finally want to live the ones I love are dying Becoming friends with a noose that I made and I been trying to untie it Make it into something useful or maybe hang it through a window pane Turn it into a fire escape It tastes so bitter on my tongue The truth’s a killer But I can’t leave it alone You don’t remember my name somedays or that we’re related Triggers my worry Who else am I gonna lose before I am ready? And who’s gonna lose me? It tastes so bitter on my tongue The truth’s a killer But I can’t leave it alone If you know love Best prepare to grieve Let it into your open heart and Then prepare to let it leave