Random . Bipolar June 2014

My head is going to explode. Too much stuff. Information Overload. So confused.

Love is the hallmark of a true church.

Everyone needs to sacrifice something.

So good to finally have some doze of reality.

I'm not a famewhore and I will never ask you to do that.

June ** - mark your calendar. Pathetic stuff on their way.

Speaking up to someone is a must.

Publishing this rants at the end of the month is somehow saving my ass than tweeting it right away.

Starting with 5min is a good thing! :))

You're making me laugh so hard! Hahahaha

Seriously, even batman/spiderman/superman can't save each of us. And I believe I haven't met someone who have the power of teleportation. Hahahaha. I can't stop laughing! :D

I saw what you did there.

Seriously, get a fucking life!

Too much things to say and I don't know where to start but I'll stick to "less talk, less mistake".

Will you still speak up even though no one will listen?

K bye. I'll just read tattoo chronicles.

I always see your tweets and I'm thinking what if we tried to bond over a movie or something..... Ahhh never mind you don't know me and I bet you will never notice but I like you, BA.

I think it also depends on what our childhood experienced was.

Take some minute to look in the mirror, you can't see yourself if you are just looking around. 

Planning my next needle appointment and having new music is so refreshing and it makes me so fucking happy and that's enough to be not angry with the world and other people. :))

Some things are not regretful when your intentions are good. 

Stop acting you care when you don't really care at all.

What the actual fuck. You should be the one who understand that more. Oh wait you have no fucking idea on how to do that. You should be the one who understand that at the first place why turning the fucking table around? Oh. Cold blooded.

Don't just listen to a few, listen to the majority. And you have to stand on what you said or what was supposed to be understandable. Fucking idiot.

I don't want to argue because you will never understand.

Stop trying so hard to be a hero because you will never be one.

You probably see my picture but I know you will never notice but I hope you do. ;)

Why am I always thinking about you when I see your tweets.......... Should I unfollow you now, BA?

I miss that feeling but I somehow know why. PRESSURE!

Some people don't know what the word "process" and "adjust" means. 

Do I really need to remind you that? I mean, I think you should know it.

Patience is a virtue, my friends.

I heard the dream of my cousin about my dad and grandpa. Knowing that my dad is okay up there, I'm happy and sad because I miss him so much but he's okay. I guess I should be okay too.

I should remind myself, first things first. :) 

Crisis is getting better but there's only last two episodes left  :((( I think I need to try a new series again.

I'm so stoked that I can't sleep! :)))

Seriously, its not funny. 

At least I don't feel so numb but I miss that feeling. However, I will not go back or repeat what happened ten years ago just to feel that again.

Its too tiring when you just appreciate your own efforts and realize what are your hard works. Makes me want to stop my whole world so people can appreciate it. I need some reality shit.

Sometimes, I just need my best friend but then reality hit me that he wasn't my best friend anymore.

Why? Because I think he was the only one who appreciate and understand. But then, I might be so wrong with all of this shit.

If this post will have a different title than my normal end-of-the-month-random-post it will be "fucking reality shit".

I think after all this time, I deserve this. Hehe. Thank you.

I'm starting to listen to Silent Sanctuary again. And it doesn't feel the same but in a positive way :)

Wasting an hour and still counting is insane but somehow you should appreciate the current situation. Its like my flight to somewhere is delayed an hour or a day.

You're waiting for your food and I'm stealing some time to look at you. I think your lonely just like me but maybe its just me. You left now so I'll just let my thoughts go away. - 062014

At least I said it. Less than 48 hrs. You can't understand if you're not me.

I can't say it will be the last because you will never know. Most especially if it's related to that.

Oh yeah, people are still not open about tattoo or they just don't understand.

My tattoos are my best accessories.

Sucks that people judge you so bad not knowing what you really feel about it.

I'm running out of skirt and I still need to wear for the next two weeks or less. Well, hopefully less or else I'll just repeat them and I don't think that's pleasing for a span of three weeks. Next time before a thigh tattoo I'll be ready and yes I'm loving thigh tattoo as much as it hurts so bad!

My bipolar June is almost over and hopefully July will be so much better since one of my favorite season is just around the corner. :))  

Photo Diary . Sunset

Summer is over! I don't like summer because it can hit 40 degrees and you will be sweating to death even on a special occasion or event and it will be so uncomfortable unless we can walk naked or at least in a bikini in here without so many eyes on you but I will miss having a wonderful sky.  

I'm not a morning person so I'm not a big fan of sunrise but when I'm out early, I really appreciate it too. I'm a big fan of sunset on how it can turn the sky so orange and the sun can be a fireball in the naked eye. Rainy days are here so the beautiful sunset will be minimal now compare to summer season. Luckily, I was able to spend one afternoon last May when I was waiting for my sister in MOA.

I'm a huge fan of the sky so pretty much my photo blog have a lot of that. You can check my photo blog at http://byaeivrynrv.tumblr.com/ .

"Sometimes I tried to find you in the air before it rains" - Top Of Our Lungs | Candy Hearts 

Table 22 | May 27, 2014

I was invited at a party and I have 3 seats but my grandma can't make it so I went with my mom. We were late and knowing no one except for the birthday celebrant and his wife we just enjoyed the food and the performance of his grandchildren. Not to mention that some guest was 10 years older than me while some are twice or trice my age. 

As we entered the hall, I get the why-do-these-people-are-invited stare and I feel like it was wrong decision to go but I know that it wasn't their party so why do give us a mean stare?

I was almost not in a mood because of the stares that I got but the performances of the grandchildren were the most high-light of the night. I was almost regretting attending the party then the girls played 'Cups' from Pitch Perfect then another kid played drums makes me drop my jaw and will you believe that my favorite band cheer me up in a middle of this party? Yes, another kid played the drums together with "Looking Up" with Hayley Williams' voice and I smiled and recorded the kid while playing it. And I feel so much better by that even I may look like crazy trying to do air drums through the whole performance (of course I knew the beat very well). Haha. Thank you Hayley for making me feel better. :)

Later on, a family friend gave a message and he said that he was asked by the children of the celebrant. I listen intently to his message and I discovered that I knew the birthday celebrant for less than a year and I don't know anything more about him but of course I know that he have a good heart. The man who was giving a message was a colleague and they know each other for 30 or so years and he mentioned some things that make me feel special that even I knew this man for less than a year he invited me together with his colleagues who knew him for years.

Then of course the night will never be complete without the speech of the birthday celebrant. He shared stories when he was still in grade school, high school, when he transfer from one university to another, to his life after college and pretty much on how did he became a successful man in a short but meaningful and inspiring speech. He even shred some tears while remembering the old days and he even said that there will always be ups and down but at end he gave us a reminder that "a glass is always half full, never half empty". And he even apologize because they can't invite everyone they know because it was really just a small gathering. I'm very grateful that I heard his speech.  

I was teary eyed while he was sharing his stories and I realized that everyone are passing the phase where we will encounter the ups and downs and being in our best self just to pass this phase and we should just keep moving and never give up and let's all be patient to see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I believe now that there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel, maybe we just took the long route because I believe that there are no short cuts.

It was a privilege to be invited in such a small gathering and even he doesn't want to have a birthday like that he deserve it and I'm happy that I was a part of it and no matter how short the time I know him, it still the thoughts that count. :)

 "A glass is always half full, never half empty" - Sonny S.

All The Ways You Let Me Down

If you're following me on twitter and been reading my tweets lately, I'm not going to apologize about RTing some tweets that are promoting one of my favorite band to date and their new album that will be release on June 10th. Friday night Alternative Press streams the whole album and I'm so happy listening to everything and I'm so happy for Candy Hearts. I wish them lots of good luck this year and hopefully this new album will bring them more blessings and hopefully I will meet them one day (even not this year). With Matt's effort to favorite my tweets or the mini-and-sometimes-weird-conversation with Mariel over twitter, I really want to meet this band. I even beg on Hayley last year to put them on their luggage so I can meet them maybe next time when they come back here. 

If I get my copy, I don't know how long I will put it on repeat. Congrats again Mariel, Matt and John!

So I will spend a little effort to listen on the Alternative Press stream every now and then while waiting for my bundle by this month or by July.  

I considered this as my breather after watching The Fault In Our Stars. :D

 The dream's not dead 

It was just sleeping

Books Over Movies

*spoiler alert*

We watched "The Fault In Our Stars" today (Friday) and it was amazing! I'm having a little hangover right now that I can't sleep and I want to see it all over again.

As for my hangover, I'm reading tweets under #tfios and I get a little reaction from what I'm reading like "don't watch the movie if you haven't read the book" and somehow about people who are joining the bandwagon because of the movie. Of course the book still wins over movie but I'm not against to the people who don't read the book and decided to watch the movie but its an advantage if you read first. Its an advantage because you know what will happen but at the same time you are excited for what will be the outcome of the movie. As always, some scenes were better or worse in my head than in the movie or vice versa.  

In The Fault In Our Stars, there are a lot of small things that wasn't mentioned, scenes that were deleted and some changes from here and there but mostly the ending and they didn't even mentioned that they sell the swing online and Augustus have sisters and nephews; on the pre-funeral, Isaac said something funny and I was waiting for it but it was deleted. Same thing with The Perks of Being a Wallflower, the small things wasn't mentioned and some scenes were deleted. Well, I guess everytime that a book will be a movie there will always be that unmentioned stuff, cut scenes and changes.

Reading a book is a big challenge. There will always be a time that you read an introduction or information about it but then when you're in the middle of the story there will be this turning point where you don't want to continue anymore; when you are sick of the same situation from another book to the one you're currently reading; what if you're expecting too much from the author that at the end you were disappointed that he/she did not give justice to the characters or there will be no sequel but you think it should have one. The most challenging and the best part at the same time was creating the scene in your head, creating your own characters, imagining what they look like base on the authors description and imagining the unforgettable scenes. Spending your free time reading because you want to find out what will happen next. Attaching yourself with the characters and at the end, you need to move on because you're so attached that they lives changes but your reality is still the same.

While in movies, you sit there in a theater or in your couch for 1 1/2 hour or so and sometimes you don't have any idea what will happen next (unless you read something about it from the internet). Usually, when you watch in theater, its like you want to escape for a little while and forget the reality or you just wanted to laugh, cry, or be scared (when watching different genre of movie) or maybe you just want to feel something (if that make sense). If the movie is a tearjerker then I guess you are trying so hard not to sob on the theater but if your watching from your couch then congratulations, you can cry as long as you want. However, if it was a horror one if your in a theater its less scary since there are other people around you but when you're at home you'll be freaking about it that you already imagine it will happen in a while (unless you love horror films). If you love the movie and its a new release then you can't watch it all over again unless you want to pay again but if there's a DVD for that then you can watch it the whole day.

I think that's the difference of the book and the movie itself.  

Of course its a plus if the movie have a good cinematography.

That's my reaction to book-become-movie bandwagon. Next in line will be "If I Stay" on September and "Gone Girl" on October. I'll expect the same thing but I'll read the book first (because I have a copy ever since) maybe a week or two before the movie release and I don't know if I'll rant again on what was cut or changed as I said, it will always be like that.  

Okay?

Okay.

Book . The Fault In Our Stars

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green

the photo is from google

To the fans who read it minutes/hours after it was released for the first time, please don't over react on what I typed and it wasn't new that I read books. I even read The Perks of Being a Wallflower even before I knew that there will be a movie. Everything was my opinion so if you have something bad to say put it on your own social networking sites. Okay? Okay.

*spoiler alert*

I got a copy of this months ago and it will be the first book of John Green that I read and I think I have all of his books. I decided to read it before the release of the movie so I don't need to re-read or re-call it before watching. Since some read it already, I know hints what is it all about and I know that Augustus will die.

Last week, everyone is so pumped about it because it will be showing in different places by this week while some will be next week. A week ago I was with Brobabes we went around Fully Booked and Lhea told me that the character of Hazel Grace was inspired by a girl named Esther Earl. I did a little research about it but I was busy until last Friday and since Friday is over I was able to start reading it by midnight. I got too sleepy early that I fell asleep but I read it again when I woke up.

I cried hard while I was already on the part where Augustus decided to have a pre-funeral and when he asked Isaac and Hazel to have a eulogy for him. As well as on the part where he died already. Before, when I cried while reading a book mostly because I was touched by the characters but this was different. It was different in a way that I cried so hard that I don't know why I'm crying like that and there are several reasons why I think it happened.

I cried on the first part when I realized that Augustus value and appreciate life and living his life to the fullest. I mean, where can you find guys like that? Then some reasons are: I cried for them; for my current situation and I don't know if I'm doing some things right or not; for people who are not appreciating life as we should; for people who are close minded and selfish; for people who are taking their own self for granted while people like Hazel, Augustus and Isaac suffer from different illness;  for losing some friends; for remembering my ex-best friend. When he texted me that he was dying on my 18th birthday and later I found out that it was a joke; remembering the people we lost over the years; the moment when Hazel was thinking if there will be people who will truly remember her if she died. I was thinking the same mostly when someone die or a funeral remind me of that and how unfortunate that when someone die people will start to notice, to remember, to say 'I Miss You', 'I wish we hangout more before' stuff like that and then you become popular, talk of the town. This book make me so confused for everything.

This book reminds me of Taking Chances by Molly McAdams though the characters are not ill, I think some of the fans were satisfied and happy with 'Stealing Harper' where the POV of Chase was cleared up because ..... Ahhh you need to read it ;)

But at the end I'm still thankful that with so many realization and experiences, I look in life differently and even I can't explain it pretty much some of it was mentioned in this book. That's why I cried while reading some part of it because I think its hard to find someone who will totally understand what are you believing in. I'm thinking of re-reading it but I think this emotion after hours of finishing the book for the first time is the best time to write something about it. It may be a mess but I hope I was able to express what I wanted to say.

Now my problem is, if I can watch the movie because I don't want to cry so hard in a cinema while watching it I don't know if I'll recover. But I will watch it anyway because I believe that books are more powerful than the movie and while reading we usually make up the whole scene in our head and sometimes it was better than the movie. I just watch for the first time the trailer and believe me some scenes are better or even worse in my head. 

Anyway, I guess I will be okay.

Okay.